Sometimes the wounds are as fresh as when it just happened. Other days it seems like a long time ago. I've been hurt by a woman who I called my friend. She said such nasty things to me in a moment where I needed her the most, a time where I leaned on her strength. I confided in her and trusted it was kept in confidence. The thing I came to know later is that all other people's information was being shared with me and never did it cross my mind that my "junk" was being shared and spread around church. In a time where my husband and I needed our caregroup to surround us and pray for our marriage and the postpardum depression I was going through, is when everyone pulled back and people at church would find ways to avoid us. We were judged based on rumors and it was a very painful time for our family to have our lives exposed and confidence broken.

Jesus knows what it means to be hurt, spat at, criticized, judged, and alone. If you look at his geneology you'll see that he didn't come from a perfect line of heritage but that God used people with broken lives filled with horrible sins to bring the Saviour into this world. We all have a history and our families have a history. Jesus understands all of it.

Jesus knows my pain. He knows my fears of becoming friends in a new community and getting plugged into a new church. For the past couple years we've attended a bigger church and it wasn't as important to get plugged in as we could sit comfortably in church, be fed, participate in worship. We grew so much in that time soaking in on God's truths. It was a safe place for our family to go... where we didn't need to meet people but could slip in and out each week without the major socialization. We had a handful of people that we would talk to every Sunday.

Now I'm in a different season in life. I'm in a small town. Small church. Close-knit community where everyone has their friends and family and here we come. I have to step out of my comfort zone when people come to talk to me at church. It's scary. What comforts me is that Jesus knows and feels all my pain and fears with me. He is the best friend I will ever have!

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.~ Proverbs 18:24

Many of you are walking a road where you feel alone too. You might have been hurt like I was and are in a similar place that I am. You might have been the person who walked away from someone when they needed you the most. I want to encourage you in this Christmas season and every day to trust Jesus with your heart. 1 Peter 5:7 says to "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

Jesus does care and understand. Let Him stand in the gap for you and be your shoulder when you need someone. He will never leave you or abandon you in your times of need. He is with you ALWAYS!

God bless you today.

God is always there

I am in a very lonely place in my life. I am surrounded by my husband and children yet because of all the changes in my life I feel so alone and withdrawn from everyone. Where we live I do not yet have a single friend or someone to call on for getting together. I am on the phone quite a bit with friends and family trying to keep myself from falling into a depression that is going to swallow me up. I am on a journey where it seems that it doesn't matter how hard I pray or spend with God, I don't feel His presence or his nearness. I pray and don't feel filled up or nearer to Him. I feel empty. Lost. Lonely. I feel alone with no one who will understand.

It's a very difficult thing to explain that it almost feels like an abandonment. We have moved to a new town where we don't know anyone. For me this has been where I felt all the loneliness. For anyone else it could be even in your own church that you feel alone. At school. At work. Perhaps you can relate to me in that God has brought you to a new place in life where there are many adjustments to make.

Has God left me? Where is He?

"No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
~ Joshua 1:5-9

The phrase ‘never leave you’ is pretty straightforward, but what does ‘forsake’ mean? I looked it up:

forsake (v.) – abandon: leave someone who needs or counts on you; leave in the lurch;

So if you change out the words, the phrase then becomes ‘never leave you nor abandon you;’

God is always there. We choose to step away from Him! He has not left me! I feel so alone in this season in my life yet what an amazing thing to know that God is always there. I might not feel His nearness but He is my best friend in this time when I have no one humanly here to spend time with. He is who I need to turn to when I feel alone.

What do I need to do when I'm feeling this way? I need to fill my mind with scripture as He says in Joshua 1 and then meditate on it, day and night. What this means is that I need to let God be the one to fill this void. Let God be sufficient for all my needs. I might not "feel" Him near me and filling me up but to continue to trust that He is.

A NEW DAY

I've been wanting to write about this for a long time, to tell you about the picture of the Soul Kitchen Painting. It is my most favorite painting of all time....created by a beautiful artist, Joyce (Dyck) Esau of Abbotsford, B.C.

When we moved, nearly six years ago...I went through the loneliest time of my adult life. It was a growing time for me. And as much as I loved many of the new changes that the move brought....at the time, it was hard.

I used to go and sit by myself in the Gourmet Gallery, an adorable coffee shop/art gallery/antique store. One day, when I walked in, I saw this painting and immediately...it resonated with my heart. Every time I went in, I would sit in front of it and just stare at it. I began to love it even more every time I saw it. I would hope every time I went in, that it would still be there. I didn't think I could buy it, but as long as I could look at it in that coffee shop...I was still happy to see it. It reminded me then, and reminds me today, of my spiritual journey and my personal relationship with Jesus.

There have been times in my spiritual journey when I felt lonely and misplaced...not sure of who I was and where I belonged. I felt detached from God and distant from him...wanting to connect but not really sure how. I longed for intimacy with Him but through my distractions and busyness....I felt like I was just going through the "christian motions" and didn't really even know where to start. The Bible seemed cold and faraway, I didn't know where to start reading again, and I couldn't even write in my journal. At church, it was embarrassing. I felt alone. I mean, I didn't feel like a good Christian girl could just go up to someone and say, "I've gone through the motions so long, that I don't know who Jesus really is anymore."

But He pursued me....as He pursues you...each in our own language. He pursues. He didn't ask me to get my act together before we could talk. He didn't tell me I had to be reading the Bible every day before He would meet with me...or that I had to 'feel' spiritual in order to have an intimate relationship with Him.

He asked me to get up before the rest of the house and meet with Him in the quiet...just the two of us.

I did.

In the darkness of the early morn...I sat in front of the fireplace...hot cup of coffee in hand....curled up in my bathrobe...looking at the empty chair on the other side of the fireplace....we talked.

Actually, I talked...pouring out my heart to Him. I couldn't wait to meet Him the next day....and then the next. Funny, how it began. Then... I desperately wanted to hear His words...I became hungry again for the truth....I couldn't get enough....the Bible awoke to me and His words began to soak into my spirit...breathing life into my heart and mind and body. I began to know Jesus in a whole new way. In my life, it was 'A New Day'.
.......

I walked into the coffee shop to sit in my usual place. I looked up and it wasn't there. A sense of loss, swept over me. "I don't have to have it Lord, I just want to be able to see it when I come in here", I spoke in my heart to Him.

A month went by....and I felt its loss every time I walked through the doors.

Christmas came....and there it was....carefully and lovingly wrapped under the tree...a gift from the man I love.

Today...it hangs in my kitchen...and I love it as much now as I did then. Thank you, Joyce for using your gifts and inspiring and blessing others through them. You are a beautiful artist. Thank you for allowing us to share your painting , 'A NEW DAY' with everyone who visits the 'Soul Kitchen'.

Thank you Jesus for being a God who pursues....a God who loves....full of patience and mercy and compassion, full of justice, righteousness, goodness and truth.

A sheep can have a tendency to stray away from the flock. When this happens, the shepherd will look for his missing sheep and when he finds it will break it's leg and carry it on his shoulders until the sheep learns dependence on the shepherd. This is to make the sheep learn to rely on the shepherd and not stray from the flock again.

God does this in our life too where he we will "break" us to bring us back to Him. We can easily stray from God and He will never leave us and will pursue us. It's not easy to be "broken" and learn dependency on Christ once again. Sometimes it's a very difficult journey that takes us back to God's embrace.

I've been thinking alot about Psalm 23 and how God says He's our shepherd and gives us everything we need. This illustration of the sheep being carried on the shepherd's shoulders makes me think of the famous Psalm 23....

"yea though I walk through the valley of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me...."

God doesn't say we'll fly above the valley or go around it, but says we'll go through it.... the valley could be anything in our life like depression, divorce, financial struggles, death of a family member, etc. We need to walk through it for us understand dependence once again.... just like the sheep is carried on the shepherd's shoulders until he is healed.... only then it learns dependence.

I saved this rendition of Psalm 23 in my files and believe it was copied from "Girlfriends in God" devotion on Crosswalk. I wish I had written it down where it was from to give the author credit.

My Psalm 23

Lord, You are my Shepherd (You are my Identity)
I shall not want (You are my Provision)
You make me lie down in green pastures (You are my Rest)
You lead me beside the still waters (You are my Replenishment)
You restore my soul (You are my Healing)
You lead me in the paths of righteousness (You are my Guide)
For Your name's sake (You are my Purpose)
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death (You are my Strength)
I will fear no evil (You are my Security)
For You are with me (You are my Peace)
Your rod and your staff they comfort me. (You are my Deliverer)
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies (You are my Hope)
You anoint my head with oil (You are my Blessing)
My cup runs over (You are my Abundance)
Surely, goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life (You are my Promise)
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord (You are my Destiny)
Forever You are my All in All!

How has God "broken" you to bring you back to him? Is there anything in your life that you're going through right now where you feel God next to you... walking through the valley?

Let God be all that he promises.... your security, hope, deliverer, healer, your peace, your guide, your resting place..... and YOUR SHEPHERD!

Dear Sisters....

Have you ever been surrounded by people but felt completely alone? I used to wonder how I could walk into a church, a place I was supposed to 'belong', and feel the ache of loneliness cast a shadow over my heart.

I think we can all feel lonely at different times for different reasons, but it is something that we are not supposed to live with all the time.

I have loved Jesus for as long as I can remember, but it wasn't until I gave Him the deepest part of my heart that I began to notice that the feeling of loneliness wasn't visiting me as often. As I meditated on His words in the Bible, talked with Him and shared my everyday life with Him, He began to imprint on my heart the truth of who I am in this world and where I belong.

I will never be alone because His Spirit is my closest companion. And no matter where I go, I am His and I belong.

In Isaiah 43:1, the Lord speaks His heart to us when He says..... "Fear not, for I have redeemed you, I have called you by name, you are mine."

When we are able to see....and then step...beyond ourselves and encourage and care for others around us, we realize even more so, that we are not alone. Most women struggle through a lot of the same things...like loneliness, fear, a lost sense of belonging, etc.

I believe God calls us as sisters of all ages to care for one another and encourage one another and build each other up in our faith. Philippians 2:1-2 says..."So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind." Then in verse 4, it says..."Let each of you look not only to his (or her) own interest,but also to the interest of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus..."

It fills my heart with joy to already see this happening among us....I see women coming alongside their sisters praying for them, caring for their hearts and for their physical needs as well. I see the older women coming alongside the younger women and encouraging them. I see younger women loving the older women and respecting them. It is a beautiful thing and I know it blesses the Heart of Jesus when He sees His children loving each other.

So...dear sisters...

"Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing." 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Blessed be the name of the Lord.