Well girls....the adventure here for me on this particular issue has been one that has grabbed my heart strings and tied them in a knot! In God's revelations to me about my own life and what I've learned from my other sisters, I feel determined to be the woman that God sees in me and determined to share what I've learned. I have never looked my fears so straight in the face....and just saying that, causes my eyes to fill with tears.
God in his precious grace and gentle mercy has brought me to many places of freedom. But I've said it before and I'll say it again, I don't think anyone has ever accused me of being a fast learner! I need time to work through things, to grasp it and own it and make it mine. This journey has been like that for me. It has been painful. I did not receive this book and just read it hoping that I'd feel secure when I closed the cover on the final chapter. I prayed through every chapter and asked God to speak to me what I needed to hear. When I got to a place where I not only recognized but became sick and tired of unhealthy roots of fear, doubt, inner rebellion, and pride (just to name a few) in my life that were so deep and old that they had grown into the foundation of who I was....I was willing to do whatever it took to rip them out.
At that point... I fell down before my Heavenly Father, I went to some spiritual mentors in my life and also to a godly counselor to help me with the tools that it would take to rip out roots that big. Hear me right when I say that pulling up anything in your life that has been there a long time like that takes work, effort, determination and in the moment...doesn't feel good. It hurts. But maybe a little like childbirth....once it's out, you know it's so worth it!
But back to my garden analogy...like a plant that has been somehow still growing and blooming every now and then by God's dear grace, despite the weeds rooted deep in amongst me, stealing my water and shadowing me from the sun, with those weeds cut out....I feel room to grow. I'm still thirsty, but I'm not losing half my water to other things in my life that were blocking my access to nutrients and refreshment. I can see the Son more clearly.
I don't know if any of that makes sense to you but it's the picture that the Lord gave me. I also know that keeping a beautiful garden means constant maintenance and I've already been experiencing a few old weeds trying to sprout up again. Just last week, I had a total melt down and the Lord had to remind me of who I am.
He gave me again 1 Peter 1:13-16
Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy."
Julie and to anyone else with ears to hear....do not go back to your old way of thinking. Do not let an insecure moment...define who you are. Do not allow fear to control your behaviour. Do not focus on yourself and your weaknesses or even your strengths....Focus on Truth! Live by Faith! Empowered by the Holy Spirit! And spread the seeds of grace and freedom everywhere you go....
For you are precious......
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Beautiful, Julie. Thanks for sharing your walk with us. Thanks, also, for sharing the encouragement God is giving to us - to us who have ears.
ReplyDeleteI have a cute story to go with that. I talk to my little pre-born grand baby whenever I see my second-born daughter. She kept on telling me that the baby doesn't hear me because he/she doesn't have ears yet. I said I didn't care because the words I'm saying still have an affect even though he/she couldn't hear yet.
She sent me an email a couple weeks later saying, "The baby has ears now and can hear." When I talk to that little one now, I say, "Hi my little grand baby with ears, I love you!"
May we tune our ears to what God is saying to each one of us each day.