Soul Kitchen

Do you feel like a battle has been going on this week? I feel like there has been a weather war this week. Cold winter winds blustering and bringing snow and hail, and then spring quietly trying to make its appearance with the sun shining down bright and warm, gently melting the snow. Some days had a back and forth swing between winter, spring, snow and sun.

I’ve been accused of acting quite like this temperamental weather. My husband would say, “What’s up with you? You’re warm and welcoming and then suddenly you’re cold and distant. One day I’m a hero and the next I’m in the dog house and I haven’t changed anything.” He was right in saying this about me - it was true. And then God said the same thing to me. I heard him use exactly the same words, thanks to Eugene Peterson in the Message!

Real wisdom, God's wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced. You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor. James 3:17 (The Message)

Colossians 3:12-15 or so (The Message)
So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.

Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives.

“None of this going off and doing your own thing.” Bull’s eye! Having different interests and activities from your husband is normal and not a bad thing, but choosing to go off and do my own thing out of frustration, anger and spite is what is meant here. And this was precisely describing the attitude I often found in my heart.

I happened to be up in our room looking at the card pictured above. This was a Valentine’s card from my husband that I had received years earlier. I still kept it on the nightstand on my side of the bed because the picture was so sweet and reflected what I wanted our relationship to be like. Our relationship was like this…but not consistently so. So here I was upset again…looking at this “best friends” card… and sadly realizing that I was not treating my husband as my best friend. Because of hurt feelings and misunderstandings, I had distanced myself in my heart from my husband; distanced myself from what I truly desired – true friendship and intimacy. I was deceived into foolishly thinking I was “sticking it to my husband” while really the enemy was taking the exact thing I wanted. Are any of you relating to this? Or am I the only foolish one out there? For your sake I hope I am!

I got down on my knees on my side of the bed and repented of my “two-faced” hot and cold way of living toward my husband. I resolved in my heart to live in a humble, open-hearted way toward my husband. When disappointments or misunderstandings came, to honestly tell him how I was feeling and not put up a wall. This seemed do-able, certainly not on my own, but since that same power that raised Christ from the dead also lives in me… well, couldn’t He help me with this?! By God’s grace, now several years later, we have seen this is possible.

Why did I tell you my story? To encourage you. The world says that it’s a normal part of married life to argue and fight, make your husband sleep on the couch, or go through times when you can’t stand each other, etc. There is nothing in Scripture that would support this. Reread the verses above. He calls us to walk in love and unity – to walk in His love – by His grace and power.

May God bless you in your marriage relationship.