So Long, Insecurity...Week 3-Roots

Several years ago, we decided to take out a very big, overgrown boxwood that had most likely been planted near the front door of our house back when the house was first built.  My husband cut it down with  a small chainsaw, we dug around the roots, couldn't dig it up so we tied a climbing rope around it, tied it to the bumper of our car and tried to pull it out.  It broke the rope like a piece of string.  The roots had worked their way either into or under the foundation of the house.

After all that, we decided not to bother with killing the roots.  We just cut that sucker right down to the ground and I put a beautiful planter that I had bought at Costco right on top of it.  It looked as if it was completely gone.  For about a year.  It's grown up past my knees now and would probably be up to my waist if I hadn't kept cutting it back.  I don't really like it but I've tried to make it work with my other plants and flowers because it was just too much bother to get rid of it altogether.  In fact, I hardly even notice it any more.

And girls...that's what the Lord showed me yesterday in my time with Him.  That true story...is a picture of my life.  I was so blown away by it yesterday...I couldn't even write.  I was gonna get up last night around 2 in the morning and write about it just to get it off my chest but I finally fell asleep.

Beth's questions this week on chapters 5 and 6 have to do with roots.  I had read those chapters weeks ago and casually took notes of some of the roots of my insecurity.  That's easy.  I'm a North American missionary kid.  Dramatic change.  We made some major moves across the continent.  I became what I recently learned is called a third culture kid.  I left my home, my relatives and all I knew in the southern culture of the Carolinas where I was raised and moved to an isolated Indian reserve here in B.C. with my parents at the transitioning age of 12.  I grew to love the people there but never felt like I fit in or belonged.  By the time we visited our southern home 2 years later, I quickly learned that I didn't fit in there anymore either. The lie that I didn't "belong" anywhere had taken it's hold.  I'm not bitter about it.  It's just a root of insecurity I've had to work through.

Back to Beth's questions...

This week I’d like for you to give special attention to Chapters FIVE and SIX. Here are the two questions I want you to answer here on the blog:

1. After reading these two chapters, what do you believe to be the TWO primary roots of your struggle with insecurity? Keep in mind that more may apply but try to lock in on two that you believe to be most impactful.

2. What, if any, insight did you gain about the roots of insecurity and did you sense that God was trying to speak to you in any specific way through it? (This answer does not need to be limited to the two roots you identified in the previous response.) 


Well...Lord...That was easy...Dramatic change is obviously one of my primary roots...oh yeah, and maybe pride.  Pride!?  I'm not that prideful am I?  I mean, I don't feel like I'm better than anyone else.  Do I?  No.  I think God has shown me that my pride's more subtle.  So subtle...I hardly notice it.  The Lord's been revealing stuff to me about pride in my life that I haven't recognized before.  Ohh...pride is soooo ugly.


Two weeks ago when I read these chapters the first time...none of this seemed like a big deal.  Yeah...I've got roots.  Okay, let's move on.  But yesterday...while spending time with Jesus and his Word...the Lord revealed a root in my heart that has been growing some 25 years.  I've been cutting it back here and there and planting flowers over top of it for a long time...so long that I hardly notice it anymore.  But Jesus has noticed it and known it was there all along.  


To be honest...I couldn't write yesterday because I'm struggling with it.  I'm not lost...not even close...but I could use your prayers.  "I feel like"...I don't have time for this right now Lord and I would rather not look at it.  But I'm gonna look at it because I've got Jesus and I'm on a road to healing.  Just as I hope you are on that road as well.


Thankyou Sisters, for loving me and listening to my heart today.  Thank you Jesus for loving me enough to reveal roots to me that only you can dig out and free me from.


Let's stick to the journey girls...Let's Be Free.