Oh, do women love clothes! I sure do! But clothes are also a great source of frustration at times. Many times there were more clothes on the floor than were left in the closet as I tried to figure out what to wear. And after all the time it was taking to figure things out, being late was becoming an issue… and I still had “nothing to wear!” And then picturing walking in late and feeling ugly, I didn’t even want to go!

Have any of you ever been there?

It’s expectations, isn’t it? We have a certain idea of what we want and then notice a very obvious stain on the top we had hoped to wear. We think of the women we know will be at the event, and feel pressure to measure up. Or we just read what the fashion industry says is in or out … and what we thought was cute is umm… out.

We all know we shouldn’t worry about these things, but we still do. I’m not writing to offer any tips on how to overcome this problem… I’ll leave that to the fashion magazines or the web news. Pet peeve by the way? Why do these topics make the top web news stories anyway?! How does the headline news story of the “must-have fall colour” rate over the story of precious lives lost in another bombing or mudslide somewhere in the world? Do you think it’s an indictment on us?

Just as I think the news should be more newsworthy, I want to draw our attention to something more worthy of our attention. And for all of us who really care about fashion… it is still about clothing ourselves!

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.

… as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Colossians 3: 1&2, 12-15

I think we’ll all be a lot more beautiful – and bring God glory – if this is what we wear today… and tomorrow… and the next day… and the next…

A Nurtured Soul

"My heart is not proud, O Lord,
My eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
Like a weaned child with its mother,
Like a weaned child is my soul within me."
Psalm 131

I don't know that I ever nursed on my Mother's breast, but I do know the joy, the pain, and sorrow of nursing a child. It was pure joy for me knowing that I had the nourishment to keep my baby alive; yet deep, deep sorrow when I nursed her for the last time. My soul was far from being still and quieted. I was full of anguish. And...when she cried for me and her little arms reached for me, it was almost more than I could bear. I could see the yearning in her eyes, but day by day the crying lessened, the pleading lessened, until one day...there was no pulling and tugging...no eye contact. She did not notice me. She was still and quiet and happily playing on the floor, surrounded by toys. She was also surrounded by her family who watched in amazement at her contentedness.

I, on the other hand, had struggled with the loss of intimacy we had shared, my need for her to need me. Thus, was the beginning of a lifetime of letting go; of a prayer uttered every time the door closed behind her. Weaning from the breast is one thing, but weaning from the heart and home is something else. Though there are many changes that have taken place since then, and the seasons in life have come and gone, I still long to hold and nourish and feel needed. There are days that my soul is "still and quiet", but there are days that I feel the turbulence and under currents of a river out of control, waves splashing and crashing against the rocks of the shore. God knows the anguish that I feel because He longs to nurture me and have me rest in Him. Yet, sometimes... I, like my little daughter, become contented and lose eye contact with Him. And...He has to rescue me.

"He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
He drew me out of deep waters."
Psalm 18:16

Facing the Dawn

I love it when Jesus whispers me out of bed in the morning!

I'm not a morning person. I never have been. I set my coffee pot the night before so I don't have to think about counting scoops or measuring the water before I'm fully awake. I don't like to talk and I don't like to listen...until I've had some time to settle in to the day.

The house is quiet...I'm sleepy...it's still dark outside and believe me...I wouldn't be up right now if I wasn't in love. Don't get me wrong. There are mornings I don't get up and there are mornings I have gotten up out of some sense of so-called christian duty just to clock in my 'quiet time'....but this is different...this is about knowing that my day is so full and that by tonight I'll be so exhausted....and this yearning deep within me to just be with Him....alone.

He knows I'm not a morning person, so He wakes me gently...calling my name. As my mind comes to conciousness, I begin to hear His familiar words softly in my mind..."He awakens me morning by morning, He awakens my ear to listen as a disciple." Isaiah 50:4b

Oh....the bed feels so warm...."Do I have to get up right now?" , I say. "No," He says. "You don't have to get up...." But all of a sudden...I recognize His voice and I want to get up to be alone with Him before the craziness of the day begins. I slip out of bed and run to turn on the fireplace. I grab my coffee....it smells so good as I pour it into the cup (with my favorite flavoured creamer...Vanilla Toffee Caramel...it's good, you should try it...) I curl up in my chair and we sit together in front of the fireplace. Sometimes we don't say anything, we just enjoy the closeness of being together...sometimes we read over His words in the Bible and I ask Him questions. Sometimes I pour out my worries, frustrations, heartaches and anxious thoughts and ask Him to help me as I sort out the day before it begins....and sometimes, after I've woken up a bit, we'll dig in together as I study His Word and He will reveal some nugget of truth to me that seems to set me on fire!!...I Love it when that happens.

But what I love the most, is that it doesn't really matter what we do in the morning as long as we're together. He wakes me up because He wants to be with me...I get up...because I want to be with Him...and when we start off together...we usually end up hanging out the rest of the day.

And that's exactly how it should be when you're in love.

Yesterday I woke up mad. Not crazy (at least in my way of thinking), just plain angry. Mad at the alarm clock, mad at myself, mad at circumstances of the day before, mad at my husband, mad at my kids, mad at the dog. Didn't matter. If there was something to be mad at, I was mad at it.

I knew I needed to go to God and his word, and I did, to try to get my perspective back in line with truth. I read my one year Bible reading for the day hoping something would jump out at me that would help me change my attitude. Somehow the levitical laws stating that women having their "menstrual impurity" were unclean didn't do it for me. That made me mad, too. So I got dressed and went to work. Stupid laws.

My co-workers, bless their hearts, were patient with me as I ranted at my computer, grunted at ridiculous emails and groaned with frustrating time restrictions. Stupid work.

And my attitude didn't get much better when my daughter asked about my day, and declared after I shared my current state of being, "You're not allowed to be in a bad mood. That makes me in a bad mood." That made me mad. Stupid kids.

I have to admit, I didn't try too hard to quit being mad. I was careful not to take my anger out on anyone - even the dog, but I entertained the idea that it was kind of fun not to have to be positive and upbeat. Don't you ever wish you didn't have to be so nice? After all, Christians are supposed to be nice, all the time, right?

I got to thinking about Jesus and the fig tree. He was hungry and went to the tree hoping to get a snack. There were no figs on it, and he got mad, cursed the tree, and it withered away to its roots. Stupid tree.

And then he went into the temple and kicked the money changers out on their butts.

Jesus got mad.

No apology. Oh, sorry guys. Didn't mean to be so negative. Hope you weren't uncomfortable.
No excuses. I'm not myself when I get hungry.
No justifying. Hey, it was for a good cause. Righteous indignation.
No guilt. I shouldn't feel like this. You would think the Son of God could have it all together.

And what did the disciples say? Nada. Nothing. They didn't tell him he wasn't allowed to be in a bad mood, they didn't assume it was the wrong time of the month (Why is that always the assumption when a woman is having a bad day?), they didn't warn about the bad example he was setting, they didn't order him to snap out of it or to quit being selfish and unreasonable (figs weren't even in season - what did he expect?).

Jesus just got mad.

I love him.

Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger and give no opportunity to the devil. Ephesians 4:26

Worship

Sunday was my turn to help out in kids church. I really struggled getting up as I just wanted to be in the big church with all the adults, worshipping and hearing from God’s Word. I dragged myself to the church and began the “task” of setting up and getting myself ready for all the kids to come. I asked God the night before to somehow make himself real to me so that I could be ministered to also while I was ministering to the children. God, how could you meet me and what lesson do you have for me while I teach them their lesson?

The morning went smooth. My heart was detached from everything as I realized more and more that this was the last place I wanted to be today. The girls chatted with me and the words droned on in my head not really hearing what they were saying. I found it very tiring to be in a place my heart wasn’t.

It came time for worship. We do this each time before worship begins….

Worship is not about me (point to our self)
Worship is not about you (point to others)
Worship IS about JESUS (point to heaven)

Worship is not for me (point to our self)
Worship is not for you (point to others)
Worship is ONLY for JESUS (point to heaven)

God met me there…. through the mouths of children… I saw all these children point around to themselves and the room and up to heaven and there God met me. They worshipped with pure hearts… jumping if they felt like it…. raising their hands…. sitting quietly…. shouting praises… I had heard this before and I’ve repeated these words myself with the children. Why would God choose now for me to hear them?

John 4:24 says “God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and truth.” How often do I wonder what others think of me if I were to raise my hands or kneel while worshipping? How often do I take my eyes off Jesus and look at those around me? What will others think of me if I have tears streaming down my face? Will they think something’s wrong and not understand that God has me in His heavenly embrace?

My house is constantly surrounded with worship music. It’s my way of filling my mind with truth and reminders of God’s love. The past couple weeks as music has been playing my kids have seen me pause from my tasks and join God in those moments I was led to… moments where I stood and raised my hands towards heaven, closed my eyes, or just wept as God met me. I’ve struggled with worry if my children thought I was crazy… now I know and have a peace that it’s okay…. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and truth. Worship IS ABOUT Jesus…. Worship IS FOR Jesus. God met me where I felt I couldn’t be met and shared this truth with me.

It’s been a long time since I looked at baby names and got to name someone. My married daughters look up and discuss baby names all the time. So, when I was asked to join the Soul Kitchen team of writers, I went to the computer and scrolled through the pages of baby names in hopes of finding ideas for a pen name! I wrote down a few options and later asked my husband for his opinion. He liked Amity. With his confidence that this was the pen name for me, I hesitantly agreed to go for it. Funny how, as soon as I accepted it though, Amity felt like a very real part of who I am!

Recently, I also discovered a new name for God as I was reading Psalm 59 in the Bible. How thrilling to continue to discover beautiful truths about God! This is what David calls God – “O my Strength.”

O my Strength, I watch for you;
you, O God, are my fortress,
my Loving God.

We may be familiar with addressing God as “God”, “LORD”, or “Father.” How about “O my Strength”? Try it. “O my Strength.” This, actually, is what I did. I repeated “O my Strength” out loud quite a few times, consciously saying it to God. And as I said it, I pondered the inferences that this name has when I address Him as “O my Strength.” Do I acknowledge this name of God in how I live?

It seems like Paul also knew God as “Strength.”
Look at how Paul describes how he faces challenges.

Colossians 1:29 … I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me.

Think back to the last demanding or "bad" day you had. (Maybe it’s even today… and maybe it’s been more than one day.) Do you remember your words when you were venting afterward to your friend, husband, or mother? Did it sound anything like Paul’s description? What similar words did you use? Look again at the words David and Paul used in the face of adversity. Can you identify any key differences between their approach and your narrative of your difficult day/s?

“O my Strength”
I invite you to ask God where He specifically wants to be Strength for you in your life...
and just listen…
expecting to hear!

This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says:
"In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength…”
Isaiah 30:15

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart,
and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and my burden is light".
Matthew 11:28-30(NIV)

John W Peterson wrote a hymn in 1958. As I reflect on the words of the song, it reminds me of my journey. I was 10 years old, a stranger in this world, and carrying a burden a child should never have to carry.

"A pilgrim was I and a wandering
In the cold night of sin I did roam,
When Jesus the kind Shepherd found me
And now I am on my way home..."

From the time I was a small child, our family was continually on the move. By the time I was 13, I had been enrolled in 7 different schools. We finally settled down in one place but by that time my traveler's backpack was full of stuff, some of it too dirty or shameful to touch. I was continually looking in at it through the eyes of a child and shoving other stuff on top of it; hoping it would just go away. I didn’t dare bring it out of the bag… what a mess that would be. So I kept it hidden deep down in the bottom. And yes, I guarded that bag with my life. I couldn’t share with anyone what was in the bag for fear I would get a beating. Or even worse, the looks of accusation, or you brought this on yourself. As a child, I knew the cost of exposure... so I pondered things in my heart.

By the time I entered high school, the weight of that bag became almost too heavy to bear. I now clung to it so tightly that if anyone got too close to me I would put the bag between myself and them. I could not take the bag to my parents… they would just shove it in with all of their bags and blame me for adding to their burdens. As I began to figure all of this out, I realized it was best to keep the bag hidden… or at least put some sort of cover over it and make it as attractive as possible. I camouflaged it with smiles, and laughter, and smiley faces. I would shove my school books in on top of my gym strip and hope that no one would notice that my backpack was bulging at the seams.

That’s how Jesus found me...alone, desperate, and in the dark with a pack so
heavy it brought me to my knees. Jesus tried to convince me to give it to
Him… but I was fearful. I had never trusted anyone before. So I kept holding on to the bag.

Day after day Jesus came to me until one day I saw the deep compassion and sorrow of His heart. He loved me... He felt my pain... He knew what was in the bag and He loved me anyway. As He took the weight of it all upon His shoulders, I felt free for the first time in my life. Free from the sins of others… and free from my own sins.

Romans 4:7-8 says,"Blessed are they whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord will never count against him"(NIV).

How wonderful to walk in freedom! Why are we so prone to fill up another backpack of smelly stuff. What are you carrying around that is so heavy on your heart… the very thought of it brings feelings of nausea and despair. Let it go. Give it to the One who loves you like no other.

Jesus says, "Come... ".

Dear Sisters....

Have you ever been surrounded by people but felt completely alone? I used to wonder how I could walk into a church, a place I was supposed to 'belong', and feel the ache of loneliness cast a shadow over my heart.

I think we can all feel lonely at different times for different reasons, but it is something that we are not supposed to live with all the time.

I have loved Jesus for as long as I can remember, but it wasn't until I gave Him the deepest part of my heart that I began to notice that the feeling of loneliness wasn't visiting me as often. As I meditated on His words in the Bible, talked with Him and shared my everyday life with Him, He began to imprint on my heart the truth of who I am in this world and where I belong.

I will never be alone because His Spirit is my closest companion. And no matter where I go, I am His and I belong.

In Isaiah 43:1, the Lord speaks His heart to us when He says..... "Fear not, for I have redeemed you, I have called you by name, you are mine."

When we are able to see....and then step...beyond ourselves and encourage and care for others around us, we realize even more so, that we are not alone. Most women struggle through a lot of the same things...like loneliness, fear, a lost sense of belonging, etc.

I believe God calls us as sisters of all ages to care for one another and encourage one another and build each other up in our faith. Philippians 2:1-2 says..."So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind." Then in verse 4, it says..."Let each of you look not only to his (or her) own interest,but also to the interest of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus..."

It fills my heart with joy to already see this happening among us....I see women coming alongside their sisters praying for them, caring for their hearts and for their physical needs as well. I see the older women coming alongside the younger women and encouraging them. I see younger women loving the older women and respecting them. It is a beautiful thing and I know it blesses the Heart of Jesus when He sees His children loving each other.

So...dear sisters...

"Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing." 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Come everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and he who has no money, come buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread, and your labor for that which does not satisfy? Listen to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourself in rich food. Incline your ear to me; hear that your soul may live. Isaiah 55:1-3

What an amazing invitation! Come, listen, eat, delight, live! Come, eat the things that will truly satisfy and find life that is worth living.

Living this life is definitely not an exercise in learning independence. I recognize more and more how much I need God. I cannot do life with any kind of joy or peace without him. Sometimes it feels like it's just too much and too hard. I need God. I need to accept his invitation to come. I need to get to the place in my head where I remember and in my heart where I know that he loves me. And I need to hear it over and over again.

And for me, I need to see the written words on the page of the Bible. I see his words and remember. I see his words and hear his voice. I hear and know. His word is the active, living thing that reaches into my heart and soul to remind me of his love and to change me. And in his lovingkindness, he tells me over and over again. His word gives me life. I believe the words that Moses spoke to the people of Israel when he spoke the word of God to them, "Take to heart all the words by which I am warning you today...for it is no empty word for you, but your very life, and by this word you shall live long in the land that you are going over to the Jordan to possess." The written words in the Bible are not just words, they are my very life.

It's an open invitation, given daily and moment by moment. Our God invites us to come, eat, hear, delight in him and the good things he offers, be satisfied and find life.

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Your word is life to me.

“With this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may count you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith.”

Thessalonians 1:11

I am at a place in life where I’m going through many life changes. I asked the pastor’s wife at my church if we could be covered in prayer for the changes in our life. She was the only one at church I had spoken to about this and we tried hard to set something up so it could happen but with conflicting schedules and the craziness of things that were happening, it wasn’t going to work.

Last Sunday we had communion at church. It was a beautiful moment as I went to the table by myself and realized that for this season in life I was going to be alone with out my husband coming along side me to the table. I knelt down and my heart cried out to God for strength to journey alone for a while as a single parent while my husband is away for a short time. How am I going to do this? How am I going to release my husband into God’s capable hands? It’s so safe to have him near but God has other plans for us right now.

As my heart cried out I felt a hand on my left shoulder. Immediately I heard a woman’s voice I recognized praying quietly over me in words I could understand and then moving into speaking of tongues. I was being clothed in prayer….. then along side me on the right I had the pastor’s wife come along side of me and pray over me specifically for the words I had just cried out to God…. Strength. What an amazing moment when I sat at my Saviour’s feet and took His cup he poured out for me and the bread of life he gave for me.

I got a phone call yesterday from the lady who prayed over me on the left… the one who prayed silently. She had been passed the request just this week as part of the prayer chain. When she prayed over me she was being obedient to God and didn’t know what was happening in our life. I’m amazed how God directs people to pray for someone and knows exactly what we need at the moment. I needed that prayer…. I had never been prayed over so beautifully and when I found out that she didn’t know what was happening in our life I was even more amazed at how God works…. His timing…. His words….

It’s important to ask for prayer and at times to be prayed over. I have many people in my life praying for us as we go through some changes…. “we constantly pray for you….”. We’ve prayed so long for this and it’s been an amazing journey to get to this point of the beginning of this journey….. “that God may count ME worthy of his calling”…. “and that by HIS power he may fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith”… I am awestruck by God and that He considers ME worthy of his calling. Where is this journey going to take me? What plans does He have for my family? Only God knows the answer to that one but he promises to fulfill every good purpose prompted by faith in His way. I’ve learned that along this journey that it’s His timing and not ours and His way of answering, not the answer we might always expect. I praise God today that God loves me and considers me worthy.

How has God answered your prayers? Do you believe God counts you worthy of his calling? Has someone come along side of you and prayed for you? You can share your experiences in the comments and let it be a testimony of God's faithfulness.