Many Nations One Savior 2010

I am standing at the top of a 26 story building overlooking the city of Chicago. It was a balmy evening and beautiful. We were staying with some friends in their downtown condo and had arrived for a gathering of First Nations leaders during Native Awareness week in Chicago. For the past three years at least, we have been going to this annual gathering. This year the event was called Many Nations One Savior 2010.

My husband and I had the opportunity to meet with other Native friends and leaders from all over North America. A native friend went with us and was a part of the leadership and spoke at the church we attended in Crystal Lake, Ill. It was such an encouraging time. It was a time to talk and share of what God is doing in the lives of native people. It is always refreshing to be a part of this event and so encouraging to hear of Gods faithfulness. One native speaker had been in a car crash last June and had broken almost every bone in his body. He was at the meeting in his wheel chair with his wife who had also been in the accident. When I heard of the seriousness of his accident last year, I knew it would be a miracle if he survived. And here he was telling his story of God's faithfulness with a glow of love for Christ on his face.

During this time we had the opportunity to do a little touring of downtown Chicago. I loved the history and ancient old buildings. Some were so fascinating! We visited a Roman Catholic Cathedral. As we looked at the details of carvings and stonework inside this church... it was amazing! I loved it! It was such a place of peace in the bustle of street cars, buses, and people rushing about. There was a woman sitting there praying. It made me wonder about her life and what she might be praying about... or was she just sitting there and focusing her heart on another time and place in the kingdom of God.

I also found it interesting as we toured the city to come upon a place where Fort Dearborn used to stand. A monument was placed there and it was titled "Defense." The stone carving depicted a battle between the native warriors and the captain of the fort trying to defend the white women and children. An angel hovered over the two groups. The words said, "Fort Dearborn stood almost on this spot after an heroic defense in eighteen hundred and twelve. The garrison together with women and children was forced to evacuate the fort lead forth by Captain Wells. They were brutally massacred by the Indians. They will be cherished as martyrs in our early history." As I stood there, I was captivated by the realistic, stone carving. The young native man who came on the trip with us stood beside me, he too, lost in thought. I didn't get a chance to ask him how he felt, but I would have been curious to know his thoughts.

We all come from different places in our lives and have different things to struggle through. But God loves all of us no matter what our skin color is, our background, our culture, or our family line. I love the verse in Jeremiah that speaks about God's plans for us even though it was written for the Israelites. I believe it applies to us as well. He chose our families, countries and languages. Our hope and our future is in Him. His plan for us is good.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord and will bring you back from captivity. Jeremiah 29:11-14

I had several other pictures I wanted to post but my computer has not being agreeable with me today. Maybe another time I will post them. By the way, I had an awesome time at the Beth Moore Simulcast on Saturday with Julie and several other friends. Looking forward for greater things to come as God gives each of us victory as we believe Him to do what He has said He will do.

You want me to be... perfect??

We, as Christians, are called to live life like Jesus. It can be a pretty intimidating command, especially when you think about the fact that Jesus never sinned. He never swore under his breath at the driver in front of him (admit it, you've done it too), he never stole, murdered or did anything that we would consider the 'big sins'. The thing is, though, he also never stopped believing God. I, for one, cannot say that I have believed God my entire life.

This past Saturday I attended the Beth Moore Simulcast on her book, So Long, Insecurity. Beth talked to us for about 3 hours on how we can live as secure women. One of the things that she said really struck me (and Julie too), "Insecurity is not a weakness, nor is it humility, it is unbelief." Which, goes to say, that Jesus was not insecure. *sigh* perfection just seemed even harder to attain.

I've noticed over the years that, as I grow in my faith, and I learn more, all the excuses I have for living a life 'of this world' seem to fizzle out and they don't work anymore. I walked away from Beth's simulcast and thought, 'Well, there goes another one.' If being insecure is not believing God, then I can't use my insecurities as an excuse anymore. One of the things that I get really nervous about is going to a group event where I only know one person (usually the host) and I'm by myself. I generally avoid them. See, it seems like as soon as I get there, unconsciously, the mental image of myself flips over. In my head I stop seeing the girl I see in the mirror and only see the dumbed down, ugly version of her. And that's how I think everybody else sees me. I stop seeing the truth and only see what the enemy wants me to.

The other thing that struck me (this more so than the first) was, "You cannot wait until you feel secure to act like it. Security starts with making the decision to be secure in our mind. It then goes to our walk and actions and then affects our attitude and emotion." I'm not very good with that. I have a very hard time ignoring how I'm feeling; I have a hard time obeying by brain rather than my heart.

These past few days (ever since Saturday) I've been trying to do things different. I've been trying to believe God about me. Something that I haven't done in a long, long time. For some reason, I thought I knew myself, knew who I was, better than God did. Silly me. I'm trying to act secure, before I feel it, and I'm trying to remember who I am as I go into situations that generally make me uncomfortable. This coming Saturday I'm going to a 'girls night' with a few girls from work and some of their friends. Normally a situation I would shun. Well, my dear sisters, I am going to flip my hair back and strut my stuff as I walk into that room remembering who I am, and also, whose I am. I am going to believe God about the hardest thing for me- I am going to believe Him for what he says about me.

The call to be perfect can be an overwhelming thought. To be like Jesus seems impossible to attain, but this past week I feel like I've caught a glimpse of what it could be like. If I was truly secure, then I would be believing God for every aspect of my life, and, really, a lot of my issues come from not believing God, not being filled with the holy spirit and not living in the truth. And you know, even these last few days I've noticed a difference in myself. Even if nobody else can see it, I can. And I'm sure God can too, and really, He's all that matters.

Keep the Sabbath holy...

I have posted previously about a verse that stood out to me as I was reading through Leviticus. In it, the priests were told to "distinguish between the holy and the common." Even before I read this verse and more so now, I have been thinking about what it means to be holy and how I can make my house a holy household. Of course, it is no coincidence that Chris is now speaking on holiness. A friend and I have been in dialogue about this quite a bit. Her and I were talking the other day about a variety of things and she read aloud Isaiah 58. While we were actually discussing something other than holiness, I was struck by what it said about keeping the Sabbath holy. My mum used to tell me of how when she was a child she was not even allowed to go for a walk on a Sunday. I used to think this not only odd but legalistic and way too constricting. My friend mentioned that her husband's grandmother always made a big pit of soup on Saturday evening so that her family would be fed on Sunday, but that she would not have to work to have them fed. Again, this seemed rather "over the top". But is it? My friend and I also discussed what it is to be "exceptional" (something that really struck her at the Beth Moore similcast). Once again, I was reminded of what it says in Leviticus; distinguish between the holy and the common. The common is not exceptional, the holy is. Of course I would be seen as odd if I adopted the view of the Sabbath that some of our grandparents and parents were raised with. But it would be exceptional. As odd as I may seem (especially to my husband and my children) I am hoping to "revamp" Sundays in our house. No more TV (we really don't watch much anyway, but I don't know what I will do for the Canucks' playoffs games that fall on Sundays!!), no more stores, no more restaurants, no more cooking, no more house work, no more idle talk (as it says in Isaiah). If I want to pursue a life of holiness why am I going against the commandment in which we are told to keep the Sabbath holy? So, in my quest to find out what holiness is, and how to live it, this is where I am starting. I'll let you know how it goes!

Unseen

Dear beautiful sisters - young and old.
Sunday I wrote a blog and published it. However, it didn't go anywhere. Then I spent literally hours trying to work on this computer to figure out what I am doing wrong. I called Julie and she answered some of my questions. I can see why some elderly folks don't get a computer, because it is still such a learning curve for me. I'll hear the instructions once, even twice and have them written down, but, I am sure to find a way to mess it up somehow and then feel lost! However, persistence pays off! I looked in the htt://part and noticed that I had one address as soulkitchensister.blogspot.com, and another one: soulkitchensisters.blogspot.com. Well, the "s"made all the difference in the world. At least, I will post this one again and hope it lands not in some draft, but so you can read it under that beautiful picture of our blog!
So this posting is all different again today. I think this week has been all about the persistence of the Holy Spirit to keep my mind on the "things not seen". ll Cor. 4:18 Amp. says,"Since we consider and look not to the things that are seen, but to the things that are unseen, for the things that are visible are temporal (brief and fleeting), but the things that are visible are deathless and everlasting." In our case, it is Al and my health issues. Even tho' Al is out of the hospital, the leukemia is still the big "unseen" healing we are praying for. The journey of faith and fear when dealing with chronic health issues for which the Doctors tell us is no cure has been conflictual and thus draining. One the one hand I know from the Word that God can and wants to heal; (Matt. 10:8) and again on the other hand Heb.9:27 states that"it appointed unto man once to die". So I feel like I am hanging between two truths. It seems that we have not received a definite answer which way God is leading. Hence we are partly preparing for either eventuality. However, there is something in our believe system that makes us pray for life to continue. God has done miracles. Sometimes a miracle takes a long time and many testings to refine our faith. At this point we are following the opportunities that have come our way. Like, seeking help through naturopathic means. A Fort Langley Doctor suggests IV Vit. C infusions 2 x's a week for a year. It seems like an overwhelming commitment of time, money and energy. But, we have heard that others have really benefited from this. These have not been easy days, as my arthritis really kicked up, but wow, so far have had the strength to put all our hope and faith into the One who keeps his promises to His children. On our part, as job in chapter 13:15a says during his time of not seeing any results, "though He slay me, yet will I trust Him." Thank you Jesus for this awesome hope in God's faithfulness. P.S. I read all your bogs and am so blessed by each of your postings. They are so uplifting. Love you all. Marianne

So Long, Insecurity...Week 8

I feel like I've got so much to say...I don't even know where to start.  I also feel like I'm in a little bit of overload if you know what I mean.  I'm a processor.  I always need a little time to work through in my head and heart all of the things the Lord is teaching me.  Which is probably just a nice way of saying that I'm a S-L-O-W  L-E-A-R-N-E-R!!!!!

So....I loved our little Good Riddance/Farewell Party for Insecurity.  This picture was taken early in the evening and so is missing a couple of sweet sisters that got here after the fact.

One of the girls brought a beautiful and delicious chocolate cake.....would you look at those roses!

Bless their hearts...I was still putting stuff together when they got here...hadn't made the coffee or the punch yet but they just gathered in the kitchen and helped me finish it up in true sisterly fashion.

I had a few balloons, and found the sweetest confetti at the dollar store (in honour of my dear friend, Raylene).  We all signed a good-bye card that brought many smiles to my heart but the best part of the evening was sitting around my living room sharing together of our journeys and what God has been teaching us about insecurity and ourselves.  "You're right, Beth...she's been a bad friend to us."

One of the things that is an obvious comfort is sharing together with other women and laughing and recognizing that we are not alone in our insecurities.  The other cool thing that we all realized is that although we find ourselves in situations still, that can cause us to feel insecure, we are recognizing it for what it is and well on our way to renewing our minds in the security of Christ.  Now that's beautiful to hear.

From there....We had the Beth Moore Simulcast on Saturday.  Soooo much fun and so much to take in.
I loved it.  One of the biggest "Aha" moments for me was when Beth said that,  "Insecurity is not a weakness, it is unbelief."  That statement totally relates to me in my personal life right now.  Interesting.

She said a whole lot of other stuff and I walked away from there encouraged, inspired and determined to...Believe God!!!!

So....Back to the book....I am slowing things down here a little bit and will only do a chapter a week from here on in until I finish the book.  I just want to make sure that I'm getting everything out of it that I can.  So here's Beth's homework for this week.  I will post my own answer in the comments section later on this week.

Chapters 14

1) As you surely noticed, Chapter 14 is more of a testimony than a teaching but it concludes with a charge to deal with our female insecurities for the sake of young girls coming up behind us.  Annabeth was my big inspiration for the journey. Briefly describe someone who is worth doing what it takes to you to live abundantly and effectively in Christ. Help us picture her so that she inspires us, too. Needless to say, don’t share more than she’d want you to.

Love to you all.

Julie

Rest for Weary Souls

I read this verse the other day, and was struck by how good it sounds.


Day 127 - "Rest"
(Apr. 24, 2010)

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest... For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

-Matthew 11:28, 30

When life gets crazy and I feel like I'm in over my head, I can rest in knowing that God's got my back. I'll take His burden any day :)

It's comforting to know that God is there for us to dump all our baggage at His feet, and take up a light and easy burden, living in His rest.

Every Day

I went for a walk down the road yesterday morning. Part of the way down the road, I ran back home to get my camera.

Now you see why. Aren't they just the cutest? I love baby calves. I was raised in the city but got to spend lots of time at my aunt's dairy farm. I always loved going into the barn to see the new calves. The best part was reaching my hands out towards them and having the calves suck on my fingers. I'm sure that's how they came to be my favourite baby animal.

As I took these pictures, I thought of Teagan, our newest Soul Kitchen writer, who goes by the name DelighT. Love the name DelighT, by the way. I wish it showed up this way at the bottom of her post instead of in all upper case letters. It shows up as DelighT only in our administrative pages. I also love Teagan's 365 day photo commitment. Inspiring. Once in a while, I think of getting into photography more and am tempted with the idea of joining Facebook's "365" project too.

What do you think? Should I go for it? I thought I'd change the setting on my camera from automatic to manual. A few pictures later, I checked the setting and was horrified to see that I had taken all these pictures with the underwater setting! Thus, the calf that is SO red, as my daughter-in-law observed from the pictures I emailed her.

I don't think I've ever done anything consistently for as a long as a year. Not quite anyway. I did determine quite a while back though, that I would praise the LORD every single day.

Psalm 145:2 Every day I will praise you and extol your name for ever and ever.

This I have done, and this will I do. By God's grace it won't just be for one year equalling 365 days, but every day... for ever and ever. Even today, as I gave full expression to the grief I've carried these last 23 days since I've held my precious grandson's body which never took a single breath in this world. Even as I heard myself produce those agonizing sounds as I grieved that I would never again hold Jonnic in my arms on this side of heaven. Even then, my heart and my mind still said, "Blessed be the Name of the LORD." Yes, even today - and every day - I will bless the Lord and praise His name for ever and ever.

I've got this one

My dad's sermon really hit home for me this past Sunday. It was about holiness, and how the church in North America has lost the sense of holiness that surrounds God. I'm one of those people. I've gotten so focused on the 'Friend' that God is, or the 'Lover' or the 'Father' that I've forgotten the 'Lord'. I have forgotten how big God is.

I was sitting in church and I was talking to God. It was before the sermon had started, so we were probably worshipping, or announcements were being read, but I was telling God what was bothering me. Right in the middle of my whining (that's basically what it was) I heard God say, "I got this one." I stopped praying. The way He said it was just like, "I've got it covered, you can stop worrying now. You can stop wishing, I know what you want. You can stop trying to figure everything out, I know what's going to happen. I've got this one." And you know what? He does. It was like this big sense of relief just flooded over me. God's got it. I don't have to worry about it, I can trust him and believe him for that which will thrill my heart the most. He knows what's best for me.

This past November I planned a trip to England (I'm trying to remember if I've talked about that trip before... oh well). Anyways, I was going to go and visit two friends that are living over there for a while. Through a series of circumstances, one of my friends came home early (she was nannying for a while) and everything else I had planned pretty much fell through. Nothing was working and, to be perfectly honest, I didn't want to go anymore. So I cancelled my trip. If nothing had changed, if my trip had played out the way I had originally planned, my trip would have been cancelled for me by a volcano that blew up over Iceland. My plane would have been cancelled and I wouldn't have been able to go anyway. Coincidence? I think not.

God's got this one. He's got every 'one' that I can possibly think of. He's watching out for me and not only does he have 'it' covered, he's got me covered. My God is the God of the universe. He is bigger, stronger, and more holy than anything I can imagine. And, frankly, He's got this one.

The Love of God...

I'm without much to say today. I was hoping to come on here with monumental news of a small miracle. My husband's wallet was stolen the other night and I have been praying that it will make its way back to us. I know it might seem unlikely, but the thought of someone using his wallet for identity theft or even just looking at the pictures of myself and my sons in there makes me uneasy. So I have been praying for its return. I even prayed that the culprit would feel remorse and return it to us - all things are possible right?!? But so far, I am unable to report that it has been returned, and therefore am without what I was planning/hoping to write about today.

So what shall I write about? Two small things:

The first is a question that my son asked me. He asked if God had a wife. I realize that I could have sat him down and discussed the fact that we, the church, are God's bride, but I didn't. Instead, I replied that He didn't have a wife, one woman to love, because He loves us all. My son thought about it and replied: "He doesn't need a wife, because He is our father." Although this isn't the most logical of sentences, I told him he was right. What my son was trying to say was that God doesn't focus His love on one person, but rather on us all. I was happy to conclude our conversation this way, with my son knowing that God is his father and he is loved very much by Him.

The second thing is very related to the first. I have a selection of poetry and songs written on the walls of my house. One of them is a verse from my favourite hymn. Just yesterday my son asked me to read it to him. I told him it is about God and how much love He has for us. It is a beautiful verse steeped with rich imagery that speaks to my heart whenever I read it or sing it in church. I shall close today with the verse.

Could we with ink, the ocean fill,
and were the skies of parchment made;
were every stalk on earth a quill,
and every man a scribe by trade;
to write the love of God above
would drain the ocean dry;
nor could the scroll contain the whole,
tho' stretched from sky to sky.

So Long, Insecurity...Week Seven and A Farewell Party

Well...we're doing it.  A Farewell Party this Thursday at my house.  I was going to write "Astalavista"...but it means, "See you later"... well, that won't do.  Then I was going to write "Bon Voyage"...but that means "have a good trip", and that won't do either.

We're helping "Insecurity" pack her bags and we're gonna kiss her goodbye and hope we don't see her again.  So cut me another piece of cake...she's outta here!

Thank you Jesus for all that we are learning!  I know you girls are with me and it's gonna be so much fun to share together at my house and then again on Saturday at the Beth Moore Simulcast.  I don't know about you but I can't wait.

I appreciated the extra week for chapters 10 and 11, and for me...they were worth the wait.  I've told a ton of you...Don't rush this book.  Take your time to digest it.  I actually needed a little time to digest these last two chapters as well.  I saw things that I've never noticed before and thought about things I've never thought about before.  I've been caught in intriguing "thought moments" where I realized patterns of thinking I've had for years.  Interesting.  My historical tendency has been to view men as gods without ever realizing it.   I was really taken with Mark 8:22-25, and love how Jesus not only healed the blind man but adjusted his vision.  I feel Him adjusting my own.

I found the similarities between men and women's insecurities intriguing.  Not shocking, but definitely thought provoking.  As I do my best to raise a teenage son...it has given me more prayer direction, not only for him but for my husband as well.

And last but not least...I don't even know where to start with the whole omnipotent and omniscience thing.  There's so much to talk about in this chapter...I really need to chew on that with someone in person.  We can dive into that at Insecurity's party!  However, if you've got something to say...please feel free to comment, because I want to hear it, specially if you can't make it on Thursday.

So, Girls...Movin on to Week Seven...Lets hear what Beth's homework is:

Your assignment this week is to read CHAPTERS 12 and 13 and answer the following questions. (You will NOT want to miss Chapter 12. It’s what the guys on the survey had to say about women’s insecurities. Don’t wait too long in the week to read Chapter 13 either. It’s a little lengthier.)

1. Based on Chapter 12, name one “I already knew that” moment and one “that’s new to me” moment, if either applies.

2. Based on Chapter 13, how does a weak will play into our insecurity?

Once Again....I love you girls.  I'm so pumped for the party Thursday night, for those of you that can't make it... we will toast with chocolate in your honour!!!  And then the Simulcast on Saturday...Bring it on.

If you are one of our Soul Kitchen Sisters and you don't know me yet but would like to come and celebrate with us, I'd love to have you come.  It would be a huge step in the direction of security so I might have to have a little prize for you or something!  If you live near Abbotsford and want to come...email me at 

julie.swans4@gmail.com    

Have a great week.

Julie

Carried on angel wings

Dear fellow ladies:

Here it is the second week and I almost forgot to send another blog. It is amazing how tunnel visioned one can get when you are focused one event or one person in crisis. It seems all your energies, and thoughts shut everything else out. Al is in isolation; which means we have to wash hands frequently, put on rubber gloves everytime we go into the hallway out of his room, and put on a yellow gown while in his room so we don't catch this C-diff bug, nor bring in any virus or bacteria. But now he is able to have more visitors. I almost lost my husband last Tuesday when on top of his leukemia, C-difficile bacteria, causing severe prolonged diarrhea, he came down with pneumonia. He was fighting for his life. Thank God, with lots of prayers from so many, and good care from doctors and nurses plus lots of love from our children and myself staying overnight with him, God carried him through. Today he is in much better shape, but still not out of the woods for a long time, but he can walk to the bathroom. ( Thought you'd like to know that!) Our daughter is here from Williams Lake and between Rebecca, myself, Debbie and Tim and family we spend many hours with him. Our time with him is precious. We read scripture to him, he is learning to listen to my small MP3 player with Bill Gaither songs and we reminisce in between all the activities that go on when you lay in a hospital bed. It is not a rest, nor a vacation, but oh, what a blessing for us to have the hospital so close, and so many of you praying. What we have felt is that the many prayers of others is carrying our family on angel wings! Sometimes I have felt overwhelmed by all the prayer requests that come my way for others, but I want to assure you, that even a prayer thought helps someone through their day. Phil. 4:6 in the Life Application Study Bible it says:"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all He has done." Yes, no matter how tired or overwhelmed I might feel, I know that even a small prayer like ,"be with so and so" is heard by God and works wonders in someone else's situation. So keep on praying without ceasing.

The Beginning of My Soul Kitchen Journey

My name is Teagan and I'm a high school student. When Julie asked me to be a part of this blog, I wasn't sure what to think. I knew a bit about it, but thought it was more for adults, not random teens like me :) But I guess I was wrong. So, to let you know about my thoughts and feelings, I'll be sharing parts of a project I am doing on Facebook called "365". I basically take a photo every day and post it with a comment. I sometimes put pictures of stuff I'm feeling, or about things I'm learning or that God has been teaching me. Other times I post random pictures that I think look artistic :) I pray that God will use my photos to bless and encourage all of you who read this blog.
Here is today's photo:


"Wisdom"
(Apr. 17, 2010)

A discerning man keeps wisdom in view, but a fool's eyes wander to the ends of the earth."
-Proverbs 17:24

I think that often we get so distracted by all there is around us, that we lose sight of the wisdom that God desires for us. Discerning or foolish... which one are you?

The Comforter

But I tell you the truth: It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Comforter will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you. John 16:7

My girlfriend came a long way to be with me and my family in our time of sorrow. She asked this question. What kind of God says, "It is good for me to go away, so I can send you the Comforter."?

I've noticed, in this time of grief, that the people who seem to bring me the most comfort are those who have also suffered grief. They know. They say the right things or they don't say anything but you feel their empathy and simply know that there is understanding- even when there is no way we will ever fully understand on this side of heaven.

What kind of God sends us a comforter? One who knows. One who understands. One who has suffered and is acquainted with sorrow. Jesus knows.

He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Isaiah 53:3

This wasn't a one time event for Jesus. It wasn't just when he climbed that hill of crosses and endured the cross, but it was a life-time of suffering. He knows what it's like for us here on this earth plagued by sin, sickness, sorrow and death. He knows we can't do this alone... so He sends us the Comforter, the Counselor, the Helper, and Advocate.

A loving, gracious, tender and compassionate God sends us a Comforter...because He knows.

Good Morning Sisters

I just got off the phone with Mary, (Pilgrim's Heart).  It is usually her day to write however she is on her way to SeaTac airport.  Their plane leaves at 1:00 this afternoon for Chicago, where they will spend the week at a missions conference.  Please pray for them today, for safety and blessing, and a productive, positive, Spirit-led time with a church that loves.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy: I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10.

On New Years' Day my four year old asked Jesus to come into his life! As a parent is there a moment of more joy and pride than that? But I found myself scared and anxious and, if I am honest, even doubtful. I will confess, as I listened in the past to the testimonies of people who retold of how they accepted Jesus into their hearts at four or five years old, I listened to them with cynicism. What four year old actually has the capacity to understand such a decision or to comprehend the need for it in light of eternity? And there I was, listening to my little boy, after he and I discussed what had happened to his friend's grandmother who had just passed away, saying that he wanted to spend eternity with Jesus when he died. My immediate thought after I had led him through the prayer was what if I didn't say the right words? What if I had bungled it and because of it my son's eternal life was jeopardized? Did we even discuss the role of sin in our lives and the role of Jesus' death as a means to atone for it? Did he mumble after me and not quite repeat clearly the words that I told him to? I was overcome with anxiousness about it all. What was supposed to be a moment of elation was drowned by a huge wave of anxiety. This moment was stolen, killed and destroyed. It took an e-mail from a dear friend of mine (and a subsequent conversation with my husband in which he echoed my friend's e-mail) to make me see clearly. I had e-mailed my friend with all of the doubts and anxieties that were clouding my judgement. She, as she always does, brought my eyes back into focus, to focus on God, the glory He was to be given for this moment and the attempt that the thief had made to prevent this from happening. The following is an excerpt from her response to me. This is what she believed that Jesus wanted me to hear:
"My dear daughter, .... please rest and be at peace. I am the author and perfector of [your son's] faith, not you. I am the author of His salvation, nothing you have done can actually save [him] and so just as you trust Jesus to bring him to a place of being saved, you trust Him in the same way to complete the work HE began in Him. Of course, He will use you, just as He did in you and [your husband] just living life and living life trusting Jesus in what you say and do in front of [your son]".
My friend reminded me that my son's salvation doesn't rest in my hands. I was further humbled when she also reminded me that none of us knew what we know now when we first accepted Jesus. We have grown in our faiths and continue to do so, and so it doesn't matter if my son doesn't have a full grasp of eternity or a complete understanding of the sacrifice that was made for him. What matters is that in his little heart he wants to be with Jesus when he dies and that his four year old soul has started the journey of searching after Him. I had, for a while, allowed the thief to steal, kill and destroy the joy that should have surrounded this moment. I needed to be reminded that Jesus came that we might have life and that we might have it to the fullest. Today I praise Him as my four year old son has chosen this full life, and I stand against the thief's attempts to take that away from him.

So Long, Insecurity...Week...Uhmmm...What week is it?

Well...How do I put this?  I've fallen behind.  I thought about staying up really late so I could finish the homework and move us on to the next week, but I just changed my mind.  One of my insecurity roots is "perfectionism"...I don't like to drop the ball and let everyone know it at the same time!

I think the old, 'more insecure' me would have chosen to stay up half the night so as not to let you down.  However, the new 'less insecure' me is willing to sacrifice letting you down and me looking bad in order to get the very best out of this journey.

Not an excuse, but a little explanation:  This week was one of my crazier weeks.  Do you ever have those?  It was a great week but it just felt like there weren't enough days or time in the days for me to get done all the things I love doing and all the things that need doing.  My son turned 14.  I get weird around my kids birthdays.  I get sentimental, maybe a little emotional, a little scatter brained (or should I say more scatter brained than normal).  Keeping schedules, appointments, meal planning and grocery shopping becomes ridiculously trying as I struggle to maintain composure through the 'where has time gone?' running through my mind.  Seriously, its weird.  Add that to a full schedule and you've got something close to crazy.  I've also been reading up on how to have a more organized life!

Anyway...as I continue to learn through this journey, I want to make every moment count.  I don't want to rush though anything just to get it done when its as important as this.  I am able to connect with many of you here and there throughout the week and hear bits of your journey.  I love that.  However,  I would love to hear more of you sharing where you are at on the blog just so that others besides me would be encouraged.   Many of you have just started the So Long, Insecurity Journey and are a few weeks behind us on the study questions,  I am so thrilled that you are doing it!   Many of you have already bought your tickets for Beth Moore's Live Simulcast on the 24th...so awesome.  I can't wait for that.  I have been thinking that I would love to have a little get together at my house for any of you that would like to come.  Sisters Unite!!  Yeah.  If you want to come to my house for coffee and a little So Long, Insecurity girl talk...let me know and we'll try and do it before the 24th.

So...we've got an extra week to do last weeks chapters 10 and 11.  And just so you know, I have an appointment on Thursday to meet with a counselor concerning some of the roots in my life that I've prayed over but have struggled to get rid of.  So, if you think about it, you can pray for me and the counselor that day.  May the Holy Spirit bring discernment and truth and God's grace bring healing in my heart and life.

Father God,  Thank you for my sisters that are also in this journey.  We desire greatly Lord to be free of any hinderance in our lives that holds us back from being or doing what you have called us to be.  Thank you for what you have been teaching each one of us.  Lord, show us how to take what you've given us and use it to encourage those around us who are also struggling with insecurity and their identity.  Lord, we know that You are the source of our security.  Your love for us is not dependent on our gender, our race, our heritage, our financial status, our education, our physical appearance, our gifts, our abilities, our performance or any other thing that makes us 'feel' significant.  We are secure because you love us like no one else can love us.  Thank you, Jesus.  Holy Spirit, teach us and reveal to us what we need to know, help us to believe.  Amen.

I love you girls.
Julie

Have you ever wanted something so badly that you could not focus or think about anything else but that particular thing? You prayed to God over and over again.... pleading with Him to answer your prayer. I can remember times I have prayed, "Please, God... please... please hear my prayer, please answer my prayer." And then turn around and pray the same thing a few minutes later as though God did not hear me the first time.

Waiting is often one of the hardest things to do. But, it is profitable! Sometimes in just the waiting, our prayer is answered. We see the things we would have never seen if God had answered our prayer the way we had anticipated in our mind. I hope I am not too hard to follow here... I will give you an illustration... hopefully, my daughter will not mind.

For the past month or so, my grandson had been trying out for rugby. This was his first year so the game was new to him. It is new to me too, although I have heard of it but never actually seen it played. There were so many kids who had come to tryouts, the coach set up an A-line and a B-line. The A-line being the team all of the kids were hoping to be on. Our grandson really wanted to be on the A-line team. He worked hard, pushed himself... gave every ounce of energy he had into making the team. We prayed for him. You know how that goes.... "God, please, please, please let him make the A-line." The evening before the coach was to tell the kids which team they would be on, my daughter called me and said you need to pray... the coach is making a decision and the kids will know tomorrow. So, as you can guess... I prayed selfishly, for my grandson to make the A-line team. The next day, brought about much disappointment when he found out, he had not made the anticipated A-line team but would be on the B-line.

The coach gave the reasoning that even though he was a good player, he did not have the experience some of the other kids had who had played rugby and that if he put him on the A-line team, he would be a substitute and would not be in the start up, meaning, he would spend most of his time on the bench. By putting him on the B-line team... he would always be playing and getting the experience he needed.  Even though, the coach had good reasoning in placing our grandson on the team he did, and it all sounded good in theory... it did not take away the disappointment that followed.

After praying, for him, and mind you.... the focus of our prayers now began to change significantly... Instead of "God, please, please, please let him make the A-line", I began to pray for his true character to shine through. I prayed that he would accept this position and give it his best. As he struggle through the disappointment... he made a choice to be there for his team and to give it his all." Many of his good friends had made the A team so he had fought deep disappointment when he realized that he would not be playing with them.

I was out of town for his first game but my daughter shared with me the excitement of watching him play. The coach had made him captain and asked him to speak with the team and encourage them before the game. He pulled the kids together and gave them a pep talk.  They played hard, but they lost.  "He played his heart out," she told me. "He gave it everything he had."  And we were so proud.

The next day, the coach approached him and told him he wanted him on the A-line team and that he would not be subbing... he would be starting. Had God answered my prayer in the "fast food" line... my grandson would still be sitting on the bench watching his buddies play. Instead, God had something different planned for him that would show his true character... things the coach would have never seen if he had not put him on the B-line first.

Julie and I talked about the things we pray for sometimes... often selfishly. I am so glad that Jesus knows our thoughts, what we are praying for, what we are thinking about. I think He sometimes says to us, "you know not what you are asking." None of us know the path God has chosen for us. We want to see an easy way out... but often... the hardships make us stronger. Our prayers are sometimes intertwined and mingled with fear. That is why Jesus intercedes for us because he knows sometimes we are not thinking clearly. The Bible tells us that the Holy Spirit and Jesus speaks to the Father for us...

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:26-28

Christ Jesus who died... more than that, who was raised to life... is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Romans 8:34b

The Commission to Faith

Lord, today I accept my calling,

not to perfection or performance.

My calling is to faith.

I have been chosen for this generation.

I have a place in the heritage of faith.

I'm going to stop wishing and whining,

and start believing and receiving

what your word says is mine.

I won't let others steal my hope.

I won't argue with a Pharisee.

I will believe, and therefore, speak

for you, my God, are huge.

Our world needs your wonders.

Rise up, O Lord!

Please renew your works in our day.

I confess the unbelief of my generation

and ask You to begin Your revival of faith

in my own heart.

For You are who you say You are.

You can do what You say You can do.

I am who You say I am.

I can do all things through Christ.

Your word is alive and active in me.

Satan, hear me clearly:

My Father is Maker of heaven and earth.

You are under my feet,

because today, and the rest of my days,

I'm believing GOD!!!

-Beth Moore

AMEN!!! I did a Beth Moore bible study a while ago called Believing God. This was the insert at the back of the work book. I love it. It reminds me of what is true and who I am. Beth gave us the five statement pledge of faith, which is written above. You're supposed to hold your hand out in a fist, and as you say each statement raise one finger at a time, starting with your thumb (the thumb is supposed to be on the outside of your fist - basic punching technique... in case you wanted to know):

1) (thumb) You are who You say you are.

2) (pointer finger) You can do what You say You can do.

3) (middle finger) I am who You say I am.

4) (ring finger) I can do all things through Christ.

5) (pinky) Your Word is alive and active in me.

Then, as you have your shield of faith raised up (your hand) you say, with vigor, I'm believing God!

Try it. It's a good reminder :)

God bless you in your day!!

I am really excited! I am sitting in my bed at 12:24 pm (I'm not being lazy. I have been up since 7am!!), my house is quiet and I am going to spend some time with the Lord. I have little kids. This NEVER happens. I was talking with a friend of mine and explaining that I am not sure if it is legitimate to say that because of my kids (I have one who is 4 years old and one who is 6 months) I have little time to spend reading the Bible or conversing with God, or if I have been using them as an excuse to not do these things. My friend, who has three kids of her own (the eldest being 4 years and the youngest being 3 months), offered to take my youngest while our two oldest are in preschool on Tuesday afternoons. That means that I have 2 and 1/2 hours by myself to spend with God - however I choose to do that. In return, I will take her two youngest kids while our oldest are at preschool on Thursday afternoons. Brilliant! So today is the first of those Tuesdays for me. What a HUGE blessing and a great way to keep me intentional (and also accountable to my friend) about spending time growing in my relationship with Jesus. Consequently, please excuse the brief nature of this post, as I am about to dive in to Leviticus. Before I had my baby 6 months ago, I was spending time each day reading through the Bible and taking notes. Note taking is the only way for what I read to sink in. I planned to work my way through the Bible. I got as far as Leviticus when my baby was born, and to be honest, I have not resumed since. So here I go. Leviticus - oisch! I have to be honest, I can't wait until I am done this book. Has anyone had any epiphanic moments as they have read through this book? If so, I could really use some wisdom - or even just a small glimmer of light to shine from what has always seemed to me to be a book of such dense and arduous lists. Anyway, here I go. Despite being a little dubious about how much I will glean from my reading today, I realize that God speaks through His word - ALL of His word. As I sit and enjoy the blessed time my friend has given me, I pray that God will use a book that historically I have not been receptive to, and will make it and the lessons that He has for me come alive.

So Long, Insecurity...Week Six!

Wow...Six Weeks already.  It sounds like a long time but it doesn't feel like it's been that long.  As we continue to grow together, I thank God for you.  It is a blessing and a privilege for me to journey this life with such precious and beautiful women.  The week got busy and I never did answer Beth's questions on the blog last week.  However...I will tell you now, Jesus and I certainly got down to business.  Last week, Beth said, "Don't just read chapter 9...Do chapter 9".  And I did.  I met with Jesus and for 3 hours I prayed through some areas in my life.  I cried alot.  I thank God for never giving up on me.  I actually wrote alot of it down on paper.  I recognized things and patterns of thinking that seem 'normal' to me after living that way for so long.  I am becoming more aware of my identity in Christ and my spirit is sensitive to understanding how much my security depends on that one truth!  I was incredibly moved by Marianne's post on Friday night and realize how desperately Jesus wants us to know who we are because of who He is.  Again, as I read Marianne Bohr's (Dancing Girl) post earlier today...it hit me again.  Everything beautiful in me, every hardship I have survived, every battle I have won, every day I get up and grow on...is because the One who loves my heart wants my heart and sacrificed His life for mine.  He conquered death and the grave and He lives!  His Life and His Light shines before me.  He breaks the chains that have held me bound.  His freedom lives in me.  He is guiding me as I learn to look past myself and see Him.

Before I give you the homework for this week...I pray these truths for you and for me.  May we stand on what is true.  Let us renew our minds and be filled with what is secure.  May our identity come from the One who loves us like no other...our Faithful One.

Galatians 5:1
For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. ESV

I have been a slave to insecurity.  Jesus Christ has set me free.

2 Corinthians 9:8
And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things, at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.  NIV

God is able to turn an insecure girl into a secure one, so that in all things, at all times, having all that I need, I can securely do what God has called me to do.

2 Peter 1:3-4
His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire. ESV

Through his divine power living in me, I can securely make decisions and handle what is set before me. Through his word and by his power I am becoming more like Christ.  I am able to let go of my insecurities and hold on to my security through my God given identity.

Thank you Jesus.

I'm excited to go on.  Here we are at chapters 10 and 11.

Your assignment for this week is to read CHAPTERS 10 AND 11 and answer the following question:
1. Based on Chapter 10, in all truthfulness, has your historical tendency been to view men (generally speaking) as gods? Or devils?

2. Based on Chapter 10 and your own day-to-day observances, what differences do you see between men’s insecurities and women’s?

3. On p.208 in Chapter 11, I suggest that women who struggle with insecurity tend to be particularly taken with 2 divine attributes: omnipotence and omniscience. Did either of these resonate with you? If so, how?

Ordinary days

Dear sisters:
This week has been a bit ordinary in some ways. I am asking the Lord to let me hear Him in the ordinary. By ordinary I think I mean the repetitive, you know the things that I do every day, day in and day out. Lately, it is "Lord, what can Al tolerate for lunch, snacks, super?" He can tolerate so little these days, because his Gastric Intestinal system is shot from the chemo and lack of immunity due to his leukemia. Sometimes, I wonder if I am not addicted to adrenalin rushes, even in every day life. If something exciting like God appointments, special connections, out of the ordinary plans to look forward to do, like a visit, a game, phone call, etc., I get to feeling guilty, restless and like I am wasting time. I think God needs to provide me with excitement every minuet of the day in order to make me think I live a significant life for God. The thrill of meeting up with someone in church who might need me can also be disappointing when it is just "ordinary". Last night (Sunday) there was nothing worth while on TV after the news and Al didn't have energy to play scrabble, and I didn't feel like reading. I started to get restless and wanted to eat to assuage that yukie feeling. "Lord, please speak to me!" Al was getting ready for bed and I often stay up later. But I heard Him say, "join Al and sit up in bed and I will speak to you." (We have mechanical bed's; I can sit up while Al lays flat). After all the evening prep, I crawled into bed, raised it up and got my Bible out. He spoke to me so comfortingly through His Word. John 10:27 "My sheep recognize my voice; I know them, and they follow me." I felt comforted because He knows us, knows me, and I do follow Him. Then the fog (I think it was tired thinking disease) cleared, and I began to realize how each day was special, I had some heavy duty phone calls, where He was with me; someone invited my daughter and I to lunch yesterday; and Good Friday and Sunday services were such a blessing! Most of all, I gave praise for ordinary days, because all along in these "ordinary" days, I rested; got ideas for Al's meals; and could do my exercises without too much pain. I don't need to be so hard on myself, thinking that if I rest, have no big plans, or watch a favorite program that I am wasting time. God is not hard on me, so why do I do such a good job of that myself? I was comforted with "in quietness and confidence shall be your strength." ( Isaiah 30:15 KJV). Oh yes, today, Easter Monday our families are coming for turkey dinner, and I am praying that it will be a time we will all find a spirit of thankfulness in the fact that the Resurrection of Christ makes even ordinary days into extra - ordinary! God bless you. Dancing Girl

Faithful to the End

We recently returned from a fabulous trip in Italy. As I think of the most memorable highlight that left the greatest impression on me, I'd have to choose our visit to Assisi. The moment would be in the relic chapel in the Basilica of St. Francis. I had my Rick Steves' Italy 2010 travel guide with me (don't leave home without it) and was following his self-guided tour of the Basilica.

In this chapel of relics, I saw a prayer that St. Francis had written to Brother Leo. At the end of the prayer, St. Francis had a simple tau cross as his signature. Rick Steves writes on page 558, "The last letter in the Hebrew alphabet, tav ("tau" in Greek) is symbolic of faithfulness to the end. Francis signed his name with this simple capital-T-shaped character."

How's that for St. Francis understanding his identity? He so identified with Christ's faithfulness that he adopted the tau cross as his personal signature. This has deeply impressed me. I bought a small wooden tau cross as a souvenir and still need to hang it up somewhere where I will be reminded that this is also my identity. Christ's unending faithfulness will keep me; He will even keep me faithful to the end. Wow.

As we celebrate Easter this weekend, we see the faithfulness of Christ to the end. He was faithful - even to death on a cross.
Jesus prayed, "Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done." Luke 22:42 This Easter weekend - and every day following - no matter how difficult the path is, I want to bow before the Father and have my prayer be, "Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done."

Today, instead of signing my name as Amity or Marianne, I simply close with this: T