It has been three weeks since I have posted. There are two reasons for this. Apparently laptops don't like it when you accidentally spill an entire cup of coffee on them!! I was without a computer for a while and due to my clumsiness was forced to buy a new one. My old one lay coffee soaked and lifeless! Secondly, I haven't posted as I have been immersed in the workload and stress of a new teaching position. The list of vacant positions came out and seeing that I was toward the top of the list, I was able to voice some opinion as to which one I wanted. The only thing is, that none of them were too desirable. However, I chose one that I thought would be best and told the School District that this was the one I desired. The Lord heard my request and granted this position. I was grateful to Him for the position and was excited about what the new school year would hold. But then time passed. I found out my teaching assignment (course load) and extreme panic set it. I am teaching 5 different courses, 4 of which I have taught before. However the school that I will be at doesn't have any of the books that I have taught before, so this means that I will need to prep and plan for these courses from scratch. Each unit will need to be revamped to accommodate the change in resources. I am also teaching an AP course (advanced placement in which the students receive college credits). I feel like I am drowning in the planning of this course alone (let alone the other 4 that need to be revised). I have spent a lot of time panicking about this and thinking that it is beyond my abilities to plan for these courses in two months. BUT the Lord gave me this position, and the Lord's plans are to prosper me. Every now and then, I need to refocus and remember that the Lord didn't place me in this position just to sit back and watch me flail helplessly about. He has plans for me. My mum offered to look after my boys every now and then so I can spend the entire day working and planning (and reading 5 novels, as well as countless short stories and poems). At first, I thought my mum was moved to do this simply because of her benevolence towards me as I sat in her dining room in tears, feeling overwhelmed by the task at hand. While my mum is so wonderfully gracious toward me, I can now see that her offering to help wasn't just her doing. I can now see the Lord's hand in this. Just as He has provided a practical way for me to work done this summer, He will continue to provide for me, support me and encourage me as I start teaching in September. I am encouraged that even though I can't see a way out, He doesn't see the world through human eyes!

All Mixed Up

Sometimes in life it feels like everything is confusing and all jumbled together. It's all a bit messy and hard to control. We try to be in charge of everything, but it's just not possible.

Day 190 - "Jumbled"
(June 26, 2010)

And up in Heaven, God is smiling and shaking His head. "They just don't get it," is probably what He's thinking. "If they would just let Me have control, I would take care of everything. It's just that simple!" You know, we probably look pretty ridiculous trying to manage things by ourselves.

God's ready and willing to take our burdens, but only if we let him. So, right now, at this very moment, give up your need for control... and let God carry you and your jumbled up life.

Seeing

When I see my weakness
help me seek your face
For you smile at me
When I see my weakness
may I see your grace
For you welcome me
Always

For the moments I feel faint

Am I at the point of no improvement?

What of the death I still dwell in?
I try to excel, but I feel no movement.
Can I be free of this unreleasable sin?

[Chorus:]
Never underestimate my Jesus.
You're telling me that there's no hope.
I'm telling you you're wrong.

Never underestimate my Jesus
When the world around you crumbles
He will be strong, He will be strong

I throw up my hands
"Oh, the impossibilities"
Frustrated and tired
Where do I go from here?
Now I'm searching for the confidence I've lost so willingly
Overcoming these obstacles is overcoming my fear

[Chorus]

Never underestimate my Jesus.
You're telling me that there's no hope.
I'm telling you you're wrong.

Never underestimate my Jesus
When the world around you crumbles
He will be strong, He will be strong

I think I can't, I think I can't
But I think you can, I think you can
I think I can't, I think I can't
But I think you can, I think you can
Gather my insufficiencies and
place them in your hands, place them in your hands, place them in your hands

-'For the Moments I Feel Faint' by Relient K

Fragile.. yet strong

Birds... such tiny little creatures... fragile, yet strong... beautiful, yet innocent. They survive unbelievable odds. They can perch on a live electric wire and not be afraid. They survive rain and strong winds, hurricanes, tornadoes, droughts and extremely hot weather. They can survive very cold weather. They know how to take care of their young. But more importantly, they depend on their Creator. I was curious as to how long different species of birds live. The bird with the longest life span I found was the Laysan Albatross whose average life span is 50 years. The White Tern, also, a small sea bird can live for 35 years.

I find it interesting how God uses birds in comparison with our worries of the world.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink: or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?"

" Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? " Matthew 6: 25-26

My daughters gave their dad a lamp with 3 birds perched on a tree for Father's Day. The birds are symbolic of our two girls and our son. At the top of the lamp is a little birds nest with eggs in it. Already, we are naming the grandchildren in the little nest of eggs. One of the strongest memories of our oldest daughter regarding birds, is of her great- grandmother. Grandmother Grubbs loved birds and she passed that love down to my daughter and her dad. He loves feeding them and watching them as they flit around the bird feeders in the yard.

As we are reminded of the birds and how God cares for them, may we also be reminded of His deep love and care for us in every aspect of our being.

School's Out!

So, I'm officially finished classes for the year. I still have to go in for exams next week, but after that, I'm FREE! It's such a great feeling to know that you have weeks of vacation spread out in front of you. :)


But of course, there were also sad moments. It was really hard to say goodbye to all my Grade 12 friends who are leaving the school this year. There were many signings of yearbooks, heartfelt notes to each other, tears and final farewells. It was a good reminder that life passes quickly, so we need to grab each moment and enjoy it to its fullest. I often think ahead, not living in the present, but worrying about tomorrow. But God's word says, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" -Matthew 6:27. So I guess my challenge for all of you is to live life one day, one hour, one moment at a time... enjoying the blessings God has given you at each point in your life. Don't borrow trouble from tomorrow. And that's why I'm not going to even think about next year with school and all the worries it could bring. I'm going to live for today! (and enjoy the summer!)

A dose of Vitamin D-ivine

I guess I have a love/hate relationship with the month of June.  I've been a little worn down as of late.  It's a crazy month.  I'm sad to see somethings in my year go like being with my Contacts Bible Study Girls ( It's such an encouragement to meet with precious women seeking Jesus every week), school on the other hand....I can't wait to be over....I just want to relax with my kids....no more lunches and no more projects or homework.  I just want to go camping!  (In nice warm weather I might add).   I know that the cold, dreary rain hasn't helped my feelings much either.  A little vitamin D does the body some good you know.

Isn't it so amazing that Jesus calls Himself the Light of the world.  I love this verse from the book of John chapter 8 verse 12.  Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, "I am the light of the world.  Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."

I hope you can see where I am going here but I feel like I've been stumbling about a little in the dark.  My mind has been shadowed with some dark clouds lately.  I have grieved some things for others and grieved some things for myself.  I have struggled with letting those things go.  I have wrestled with the outcome of some circumstances.  I know and believe that the sun is still shining beyond those clouds and sometimes even through them...but I have to admit that I have been distracted lately by the rain and the dark clouds that bring it.  Knowing that it is the Truth that sets us free, (John 8:32 ..."and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.")  I have pondered the scriptures, rolling it's truth around in my mind.  Saying the words out loud and asking the Holy Spirit to guide my thoughts so that I can see the truth in the situations before me.  I feel like my mind, will and emotions have been getting the best of me...and I have not been fully focused or surrendered to allowing the Holy Spirit to guide me through the darkness that can sometime surround us.  I'm trying to formulate this for you the best I can so I hope you can understand what I'm trying to say....it's like I've still been eating healthy (the pure spiritual food of God's word) but I'm needing a little vitamin D-ivine supplement.  It's not just enough to read God's word and say it....I need the divine outpouring of God's Holy Spirit in my life to give me life and direction and understanding and power to overcome darkness around me and to live victoriously in every situation and every circumstance.  On my own...I just can't do it.  It's exhausting.  So how do you get this life giving vitamin D-ivine supplement?  Well...the bible seems pretty clear on this...all we have to do is ask.

Jesus is our Sonshine.  No matter what we see or even don't see around us...He is still there, just like the sun on a cloudy day.  He says it himself....and I just love the words..."I am the light of the world.  Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."  Not just light, sister,  but the light of life!  The Holy Spirit is our power source.  Acts 1:8, "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you..."  If you have asked Jesus to be in your life, you have the Holy Spirit living within you, He will never leave you...but if you want to live victorious in the light, we must invite Him and choose Him to guide us, speak to us and fill us with his Divine power.

So give me the Son and give me some vitamin D-ivine, I'm tired of focusing on the clouds...I want to run and sing in the light of life!

"For this reason..."

I know it is late this evening for posting but thought I would close the evening with some scripture that has been very meaningful to me for the past two weeks. I've been trying to add some things into my life that will make me a better person. I've been asking God to work these things in me and draw my attention more to His desires. The Bible actually tells us "to make an effort."

As I have thought on these things, the Bible tells us that, "His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness. Through these He has given us His very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires." 2 Peter 1:3-4

I have realized, how aware I have to be of what is going on in my human nature. A lot of times, I see things in me that I do not like. That is why I need my focus on Jesus and not myself. When I am focused on Him and not my desires... I make better choices. "For this reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness: and to goodness, knowledge, and to knowledge, self control; and to self control, perseverance, and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For If you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Peter 1: 5-8

Precious

In my Social Studies class, we've been learning about Canada's economy... blah blah blah, boring right? Well, we've also been learning about all the natural resources we have here, like oil or diamonds. And how we're pursuing these resources so much that we're even ruining the environment to get them. They are desired by everyone.

Now, that is more of a negative type of desire, but it can sort of be compared to God's desire for us. He loves us so much that He is constantly pursuing us. We are like precious jewels to Him, and He won't ever give us up. Doesn't it make you feel special to be pursued like that? I know it makes me feel that way :)

Day 174 - "Precious Stones"
(June 12, 2010)

Each and every person, no matter how good or bad, is precious like jewels in God's sight... to Him, we are worth pursuing.

Afraid?

As you read the following verse, read it with poem-like rythm, and for fun try saying it in a young girl's voice.

When I am afraid
I will trust in you.

I was afraid last night. My second-born daughter is experiencing some health issues in her pregnancy. She had gone to a walk-in clinic yesterday and the doctor showed great concern. This caused her even more concern and then when she called me, I got concerned. Well, actually, after praying with my husband, son and daugther-in-law who were over, I went next door to my mom's house and bawled my eyes out. When I could finally tell her why I was crying, she prayed. (She was probably praying silently as she patiently waited for me to speak!)

As I was leaving, my sister realized I was over at their house. (My mom and my sister's family live in the house next to me.) After I told her my concerns through tears and sniffles, both she and my mom prayed with me. As they were praying, my sister called our attention to the mantle that my dad had made over the fireplace. The words engraved on the mantlepiece are TRUST IN THE LORD. As my sister and mom were praying for my daughter and her baby, they were also inviting me to put my trust in the Great Physician.

Why did I suggest that you read Psalm 56:3 in a young girls voice and with rythm? This is the verse that I had our oldest daughter memorize as a little girl. In my mind, I can still hear her sweet little voice reciting this verse. After learning about volcanoes in grade one, she was afraid of Mt. Baker erupting, among other fears. This verse was supposed to be a help to her.

It was a help to me as a helpless mother yesterday. Today as I see Psalm 56:3 in the ESV, I like it even more. Notice the difference.

When I am afraid
I put my trust in you.

I was well-aware of my fear, but I could make the choice. I could choose to place my trust in the Lord - my loving God - instead of floundering in the grip of fear.

Today, my daughter went to her own medical doctor. The test results proved that she needed to get on antibiotics. Her doctor was calm and reassuring. My daughter was further assured when her naturepath doctor also agreed that she needed to address this issue with antibiotics. Now, I'm also relieved and am thankful for the medical intervention. I will keep putting my trust in God and will keep praying for a healthy grandbaby.

Crackers and Chris Tomlin

I've had a rough few days. Sunday and Monday to be exact. I don't particularly want to go into detail about why they were bad, or what happened to make them be bad, so lets just say that I was unhappy, mad, and Monday at work felt like I was in a haze all day. I spent the day pretending that everything was alright and I was doing fine. Not something that I am generally able to do, also really not something that I'm good at. I got home from work and was just completely exhausted. I spent the evening recovering, which, to me, is no contact with family or friends and a good book. So that's what I did. I spent the evening on the porch reading and later soaking in the tub with lots of bubbles, again, reading.

Today, I feel better except that I feel like I'm recovering. You know when you have the flu, how awful it is, and then when you start to feel better, you're still very tentative? Like, you watch what you eat, after you eat you sort of pause and make sure you're still feeling ok, that everything is going to stay down. When you move, you don't move to fast, or to sudden, you walk slower. You work your way up to what you eat. First its maybe some chicken broth (it's very rare that one gets sick off chicken) and then you move to crackers, and maybe some plain toast. That's kind of how I'm feeling. I'm examining myself, making sure that, yes, I am happy and, no, I won't be falling back into that slump this time. I'm waking up in the morning to Chris Tomlin's 'Jesus, Messiah' song (although, admittedly thats been my alarm for a long time). He's the music that I have playing in my car (thank you mom for leaving that cd in there). It's like it's time to recover from the flu. It's kind of a weird feeling.

I know why I was in a bad mood those days, and why they sucked so much and a lot of it, most of it, really, had to do with my relationship with God. I love Him, so very, very much, but sometimes I guess I forget (that sounds like a question in my head), its just so strange. I just stop including Him in everything and I get bored. Then, every little thing starts to bother me. I would like to think that I can withstand temptation and that my faith is strong enough to keep me strong in everything, but that's not really true. Satan knows what my weaknesses are and he uses that knowledge ruthlessly. *sigh* At least God is a forgiving, merciful God. My mom was telling me about her study of Gideon and how awesome God is to Gideon; how kind, patient and loving He is. At least I can know that when I stumble, when I fall, I have a God that is waiting there, with his hand outstretched, beckoning me to grab hold so He can lift me back up. Gives a body hope and freedom.

Forever Friends?

In my devotional book today, it was talking about how we need to make God more important than friendships, and that He needs to be the common denominator in our friendships. This is a tough one for me, because, as a teenager, I spend a lot of time with my friends and value them a lot. It's very easy to put them before my relationship with God.

Day 167 - "Forever Friends"
(June 5, 2010)

An example of a God-centered friendship is Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego... they didn't let their friendship or their desire to live get in the way of what God wanted them to do. Those were some incredible guys.

So, I guess my challenge to everyone is to keep seeking friendships with God in the middle, and to make sure that God is top priority over all relationships. Its a tough one, I know, but with God all things are possible :)

He Satisfies

For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.
Psalm 107:9

Just think about that for a minute.  He satisfies the longing soul and he fills the hungry soul with good things.

It's true.  I am a living breathing testimony to this truth.  Have you experienced it?  That longing in your heart satisfied...a hungry soul no longer starving or craving but full to the top with good things?

Ask Him for it.  The love and hope and grace of Jesus is seriously the gift that keeps on giving!  There's nothing else that can satisfy your longing, hungry soul like him.  His desire is to meet you in relationship and fill you up with all that is good.  His love never fails.

I just have to say it again....He satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.

I'm sure our dear friend "Satisfied" can testify to this truth as well and I can't even write this without thinking about her, as it is the name the Lord gave her.

As you seek Him...I pray that your longing soul would be satisfied and your hungry soul filled to overflowing with good things because our God is good, all the time.

"Praise be to God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realm with every spiritual blessing in Christ." Eph. 1:3

Isn't God good? Like, legit good. I woke up monday morning and was already looking forward to when I got to go back to bed. Seriously. So I spent the next hour or so before I had to get ready for work, looking up passages with the word 'strength' in it. I would then read the entire chapter or, usually Psalm, out loud. From what I gathered that morning, God is strong and He is our strength. So, if God is strong, then I am strong through Him. It was enough to get me out of bed and through the work day, which, coincidentally, was ridiculously busy and it was a good thing I had God as my strength.

So, here is my encouragement for you:

"Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

and He promises:

"So, do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

I am trying to decide something. I am trying to listen to God on an issue, but it all seems so muddled up. I thought I had heard from Him, but now I am confused. I know confusion does not come from God.

Am I confusing things, or did I not hear right the first time? I seem to have peace about my decision, but then small doubts come in and cloud my judgement. Why is it so hard for me to hear clearly?

Sorry. These are the only thoughts that I have to post right now.

Perhaps you could pray for clarity for me.