My Gift

One morning on a recent road trip with my family to a place I had been many times, we came to what has become my favorite part of the journey. Even after having passed through beautiful country along the way, this part always takes my breath away as the road takes us down from the mountain pass and into a rugged, dry valley. In the distance, there is a mountain, snow covered and grand. I love mountains. To me they speak to the majesty of God, high and lifted up, mighty and beautiful. It would eventually become larger in our view as we would drive very close to it and have to look up as we went by. I was looking forward to this scene as we descended into the valley. However, I was disappointed, because the sky was full of clouds, and I could only see the base of the mountain.

The closer we got, the more I wanted to see it. Silently, I prayed that God would part the clouds so that the snow-covered summit would be in view. This was my desire, but I was prepared to have to wait for another trip. After all, clouds happen. It's just the way it is. At that point, the road took us on some turns where the mountain was out of sight. After a few moments, we rounded a bend, and right in front of my eyes, there it was, in full morning sun, not a cloud around it and the most beautiful I have ever seen it.

Oh my. I don't know if I can express here what I felt at that moment. Maybe you can imagine it. Amazement. Awe. Wonder. I had received a gift from my heavenly Father. God did that for me! He actually changed the weather for my pleasure. Wow. Does he always do that? Of course not, and it's a good thing he doesn't. But on this day, he did. And I was overwhelmed with love for him as he overwhelmed me with his love for me. I responded with tears and my heart sang, My soul magnifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has done great things for me.

Our God is a giver of good gifts. Sometimes he gives them because we ask, and sometimes he gives them just because he loves us and knows what will give us joy and pleasure. May we recognize his personal gifts to us and may our hearts receive them with joy and thanksgiving, cherishing them because we know we are loved. Amazing God.

My husband's work has taken him away for a little while so we snuck a weekend together with just the two of us. After being apart for a while I struggled with my insecurites of body image. I saw the rolls, the cellulite, the extra weight on my thighs, tummy, etc. From the first time I knew I was going away with him, immediately I became obsessed with thoughts that I needed to hit the gym, lose some weight, exercise as much as possible to shed a few pounds so that he would be happy with me. I am in a season of my life where I cannot emotionally go to the gym every day or at all but my insecurities took presidence. I had a quiet moment where God hit me over the head with his truth: He made me in His image and is happy with me.

Does my husband expect perfection? My husband married me and loves me for who I am and that doesn't change. God made me and it doesn't matter what I look like because he made me in His image. God brought the perfect husband FOR ME, to love me and accept me for who I am, through all the roads we travel together in all the stages of life. I am human and my flesh sees the imperfections. After children I have extra weight everywhere and hate how I look without clothing on. I feel more comfortable hiding myself under layers so that others can only see the outward appearance and not see the rolls or cellulite.

I thoroughly enjoyed my weekend with my husband. We attended a church together over that weekend and the pastor said something that really struck a cord with me in regards to my insecurities.... he asked the congregation: "What was your God moment this week?"

Wow!

My God moment was realizing that no matter how I compare myself to the world's standards of what beautiful is or what the perfect body is according to what we see on television, that GOD LOVES ME!

Genesis 1:27 says, "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; make and female he created them." (NIV)

But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." ~ I Samuel 16:7 (NIV)

Satan had me right where he wanted me. He wanted me to be unhappy with myself and judge myself against fleshly standards. God doesn't want me to do that and I am so thankful that his truth is more powerful than what Satan wants us to hear and echo in our heads. It's easy to conform to the world and look at the outward appearances..... isn't that just awesome that God looks at our heart?

He loves ME! He made ME!

How do you see yourself? Do you feel loved and accepted?
What was your God moment this week?

Who Am I?

It’s the fourth day that I’ve been sick with the flue. Everything aches – my joints, my head, and my throat. I can’t keep my eyes open for long and my voice only has sound occasionally. I basically haven’t been able to do anything. Even when I want to give a simple smile, it ends in a pathetic grimace of pain.

This makes me think of my dad. About a year and a half before he died, we had to move my dad into a full-care facility. He couldn’t do anything for himself. He couldn’t feed himself, couldn’t walk, and couldn’t talk. Occasionally we could tell that he comprehended what was going on by a flicker of emotion that briefly crossed his face… tears, a lopsided smile, raised eyebrows, or a sympathetic down-turned mouth when his great-grandson cried.

On the day we moved him into the care facility, he had tears in his eyes and so did we. I told him that just because he couldn’t do anything it didn’t change the person he was. I told him that I admired him and respected him… that I didn’t know why this was his lot in life…that God still had a purpose for him and that I would pray that God would be glorified through his being in the care home. His being.

We are called human beings, not human doings. We are not what we do. This is what we sometimes get caught up in. We make it about us and what we do or cannot do. We make it about production and performance. And it’s none of these things… as they are all subject to change.

It was the fall when my dad died that I went through an interesting season of being stripped of all roles that I previously had. I didn’t have a job, our two youngest kids were married that summer so I no longer had a family to feed or care for, I felt led to take the fall off as a Bible study leader so I also didn’t have a ministry role. It was a very dramatic change. Who was I now that I didn’t have anything significant that I did? How does one answer the question when people ask, “So, what do you do”? I had only one honest answer, “Nothing, actually.”

Who I am is not defined by my hobbies, my marital status, kids, job, nor education. It’s not about what I have…or what I can do. As I saw in my dad’s case of not being able to do anything, and then seeing my mom with a new title...“widow.” And also in my own case - so many changes, so fast. What then defines who I am?

I can only be defined by what will never change. That brings it right down to the simple yet profound fact that who I am is a precious daughter of the Most High God, Creator of heaven and earth and everything in it. It has to be about God – for He never changes and His love is everlasting. He has chosen, called, and made me His very own. I am His… I am His. Oh how sweet that is.

Just before takeoff...

Last week while on a flight across the United States from the east coast to the west coast, my husband and I were astounded as we listened to a young man sitting in the seat in front of us.  He was addressing a young woman sitting beside of him.  I'm not sure how he initiated the conversation or if he had introduced himself.  We had not even left the airport when I heard him ask her if she read the Bible.  I could not hear what she said but I saw his Bible laying open in his hands.  I then heard him ask her if he could ask her a couple of questions.  This intrigued me somewhat because years ago, I had taken a course at a church that must have been the same course that he had taken.  There is nothing wrong with the course and it does give you a guideline to go by but I have found that it is not the approach I feel most comfortable with.   I have lead people to the Lord through this course, but I think of it more as a cold turkey approach when you do not know the person or their background.  More often than not, the door is closed before you can even get a conversation going.

He began by asking her if she thought she would go to heaven when she died.  I was actually surprised she even conversed with him.  She must have said something like, "I don't know," or "I don't believe anyone can know the answer to that," because he went on to the next question. He asked her if he could show her what the Bible had to say about it.  If  you've ever been involved in this study, you know the next question.  "If you were to stand before God and He were to ask you why  should I let you into My heaven, what would you say?"  I couldn't hear the ladies response but I could see the guy moving his Bible back and forth as he continued talking. Several of the other passengers had noticed what was going on as well and were looking at the man and woman.  Eventually,  I saw the young woman pull her hoodie over her head and the man was no longer talking.  The plane took off and he never said another word to her the rest of the flight.

As I sat in my seat and thought of the days of sorrow I had just gone through in losing my brother and the state of my emotional being, I wondered how I would feel if the  young man had been sitting beside me.  How would I have felt?  Witnessing to someone about the Lord is a wonderful thing to do but we need to be mindful  about our approach and our timing.  We often do not know what a person is going through... In a sense, it reminded me of the security guard who had checked my ticket at the airport.  I was struggling with an overwhelming loss, and sadness and  was en route to my brother's funeral. He checked my ticket and looked at me as he had the passenger before me, and then said, "Have a fun day!"  

Jesus, on the other hand, knows our deepest needs.... He knows our fears, our anxieties, our sadness, our sorrows.  He knows our heart... His desire is that all people come to know Him... and how we come to know Him most often is through the lives of other people.   I heard a pastor recently say to his congregation, "We do not need another defense attorney for the Lord. He can handle that.  What we need is witnesses."  If you only had five minutes with a person you are never going to see again... what would you say?  Does your heart show your love for Jesus?  Does your heart match your words?  When was the last time you had someone sitting on the edge of their seat hanging on to every word you were saying of what Jesus was doing in your life?  

We have opportunities every day to witness for Christ.... through acts of kindness, giving to someone in need, calling or going to see someone who is struggling to make it through another day.  Let us pray that God's love would flow through us and that we would be an encouragement to everyone we meet.  Let us not be so concerned about a formula for winning someone to Christ... let us show them a transformed life.

"For we do not preach ourselves , but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake.  For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light to shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us."    

            2 Corinthians 4:5-7

"But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord.  Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.  But do this  with gentleness and respect.."

            1 Peter 3:15

A NEW DAY

I've been wanting to write about this for a long time, to tell you about the picture of the Soul Kitchen Painting. It is my most favorite painting of all time....created by a beautiful artist, Joyce (Dyck) Esau of Abbotsford, B.C.

When we moved, nearly six years ago...I went through the loneliest time of my adult life. It was a growing time for me. And as much as I loved many of the new changes that the move brought....at the time, it was hard.

I used to go and sit by myself in the Gourmet Gallery, an adorable coffee shop/art gallery/antique store. One day, when I walked in, I saw this painting and immediately...it resonated with my heart. Every time I went in, I would sit in front of it and just stare at it. I began to love it even more every time I saw it. I would hope every time I went in, that it would still be there. I didn't think I could buy it, but as long as I could look at it in that coffee shop...I was still happy to see it. It reminded me then, and reminds me today, of my spiritual journey and my personal relationship with Jesus.

There have been times in my spiritual journey when I felt lonely and misplaced...not sure of who I was and where I belonged. I felt detached from God and distant from him...wanting to connect but not really sure how. I longed for intimacy with Him but through my distractions and busyness....I felt like I was just going through the "christian motions" and didn't really even know where to start. The Bible seemed cold and faraway, I didn't know where to start reading again, and I couldn't even write in my journal. At church, it was embarrassing. I felt alone. I mean, I didn't feel like a good Christian girl could just go up to someone and say, "I've gone through the motions so long, that I don't know who Jesus really is anymore."

But He pursued me....as He pursues you...each in our own language. He pursues. He didn't ask me to get my act together before we could talk. He didn't tell me I had to be reading the Bible every day before He would meet with me...or that I had to 'feel' spiritual in order to have an intimate relationship with Him.

He asked me to get up before the rest of the house and meet with Him in the quiet...just the two of us.

I did.

In the darkness of the early morn...I sat in front of the fireplace...hot cup of coffee in hand....curled up in my bathrobe...looking at the empty chair on the other side of the fireplace....we talked.

Actually, I talked...pouring out my heart to Him. I couldn't wait to meet Him the next day....and then the next. Funny, how it began. Then... I desperately wanted to hear His words...I became hungry again for the truth....I couldn't get enough....the Bible awoke to me and His words began to soak into my spirit...breathing life into my heart and mind and body. I began to know Jesus in a whole new way. In my life, it was 'A New Day'.
.......

I walked into the coffee shop to sit in my usual place. I looked up and it wasn't there. A sense of loss, swept over me. "I don't have to have it Lord, I just want to be able to see it when I come in here", I spoke in my heart to Him.

A month went by....and I felt its loss every time I walked through the doors.

Christmas came....and there it was....carefully and lovingly wrapped under the tree...a gift from the man I love.

Today...it hangs in my kitchen...and I love it as much now as I did then. Thank you, Joyce for using your gifts and inspiring and blessing others through them. You are a beautiful artist. Thank you for allowing us to share your painting , 'A NEW DAY' with everyone who visits the 'Soul Kitchen'.

Thank you Jesus for being a God who pursues....a God who loves....full of patience and mercy and compassion, full of justice, righteousness, goodness and truth.

Remember

"Remember this day in which you came out from Egypt, out of the house of slavery, for by a strong hand the LORD brought you out from this place."

Many times, the Lord reminded the people of Israel of their deliverance from Egypt, how he moved Pharoah to release them from his grip, how he parted the red sea so miraculously, making a way for them to be rescued when it looked like an impossible situation. For the Israelites, their deliverance and Red Sea experience was to be a reminder of his love, faithfulness, power and desire to save. Remember who I am. Remember what I did. Remember that I love you. Remember that I keep my promises. Remember that I am God and I can make happen whatever I want to make happen.

By having the people remember this event, he was calling them to apply the truth of it to the current situation. Remember what I did for you back then? My love for you has not changed. My desire to rescue you still moves me. My ability to rearrange the natural order and amaze you has not been depleted. I am still God. You are still my child. If I did it for you back then, I will do it again and again and again. Remember. Hang on to it. Walk in the truth of it and trust me.

God knows we are prone to forgetfulnes and need to have reminders. God has given you a "Red Sea" experience, too. Maybe you can think of many. Maybe recent. Maybe long ago. If you can't think of a time when he came through for you and you knew you were loved and he was worthy of your trust, ask him to bring one to mind. Ask him to help you remember. Remember what he did. Remember how you felt. Remember the things you learned. Remember who he is and apply the truth of it to your current situation to walk in faith and trust.

A change of Seasons

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

Ecclesiastes 3:1-5

Seasons Change. There is a part of me that loves change....and there's another part of me that resists it....out of fear, I suppose. I never want to look back and wish things were still the way they used to be. What I need....is to embrace it. Sometimes, though....that is so much easier said than done in my own life.

We all have a change of seasons in our life. In this past week, our family has experienced death. And then with great joy in the midst of sorrow....we have recieved new life. How beautiful is God's timing!

As a child...Ididn't have control over many of the changes that took place in my life. Sometimes, I still don't. I remember when my parents moved us to Canada. One thing that the Lord has shown me is that even though I didn't have control over that change in my life....He did. He was not just sovereignly guiding my parents, and I had to follow no matter what....He was sovereignly guiding me as well. He had my heart and my destiny in mind as much as theirs. He knew and still knows today what is best for me....even when the seasons change...even when I don't fully understand it.

God loves you dearly....and in the midst of your seasons...and the changes of those seasons...
He is Sovereign...and He is Good...and He has your best in mind. Fall into his loving arms for you and trust Him. He will be holding your hand every step of the way.

This post is dedicated to a dear sister.

Spring

Welcome to the first day of spring. Spring…even the word is lively. It emits energy, movement - upward movement. It inspires anticipation. In spring we experience new life, new growth, an abundance of beauty, and a strong pull to be outdoors with an expectancy to discover the miracles of spring.

For us in North America, the northern hemisphere of the earth is now tilted toward the sun. When it faces the sun, life flourishes. With the abundance of rain we have on the west coast, the spring growth is especially lush and green.

I want spring to be reflected in my life too as I turn my face toward the Son. I choose to look to Christ my Saviour. I want Him to bring new growth, new life and transformation in my life that reflects His hand, His work, and His glory.

Oh how we need Him to be anything of beauty! Oh how we need Him to be anything. Period. Our very life is dependent on God. Do you realize this? If it were not for Him, we would not even be.

"The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. 'For in him we live and move and have our being.' As some of your own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.'” Paul says to the men of Athens in Acts 17:24-28.

What bountiful provision. What purpose in life. How worthy is He of all our praise and thanksgiving.

Genesis 2:7 describes how He formed us.
the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.

God breathed His breath into mankind. We have His breath in us. Ponder that. God’s breath! Can you say WOW to that?! Are you feeling special?!! You rightly can feel special!

Job surely knew this and pondered the glorious works of God. He writes,

as long as I have life within me, the breath of God in my nostrils,
Job 27:3

In his hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind.
Job 12:10

If it were his intention and he withdrew his spirit and breath, all mankind would perish together and man would return to the dust. Job 34:14-15

For as the Father has life in himself, so he has granted the Son to have life in himself. John 5:26

God has life in himself and so does our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. We don’t have life in ourselves. We have the breath of life from God…and we can also have life through His Son Jesus Christ.

"I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life.
John 5:24

And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life. 1 John 5:11-12

I think I’m on a bit of a rabbit trail today. From spring to breath of life to crossing over from death to life, but I want to continue on my thought process. Have you ever thought about all the people that you see every day who are alive but don’t HAVE life? Sometimes, especially at big sporting events or concerts, I look around me and see all those faces and in my heart I cry out to God on their behalf, for these ones whom I call the walking dead. God has breathed the breath of life into them – they are temporarily alive - but they are not written in the Book of Life. By the grace of God all living creatures have the breath of God in them. But some of us… how blessed we are…have LIFE through Jesus Christ!

“He who has the Son has life.”

It all comes down to one thing – One Person – God, who has given us life and breath and everything else through His Son Jesus Christ. Thank You for spring and new life. You, Lord Jesus, are my very life!

20/20

I was reading in Matthew 6 verse 22 & 23.....Jesus was talking...."The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness..."

2 Corinthians 4:18
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Ephesians 1:18
I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and in incomparably great power for us who believe.

Hebrews 12:2
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith,who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Jesus says in Matthew 7:3-5
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother (or sister), 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

Father God...optometrist of my heart....look into my eyes....I want to see 20/20.

Psalm 19:7-10

The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul;
the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple;
the precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart;
the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes;
the fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever;
the rules of the Lord are true, and righteous altogether.
More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold;
sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb.

How can we resist His truth when He promises all of this?

His truth is perfect. It revives my soul. His truth is sure...without any doubt and gives me wisdom. Oh, I need wisdom to make right decisions every day, specially as a wife and mother. His truth is right and brings joy to my heart. My Lord's truth is pure, enlightening my eyes....I love that....He reveals hidden things to me through his word and Spirit so that I may understand. My Lord is Holy beyond my comprehension....I do not fear in terror, but I bow in humble reverence to the Creator God of the universe who is the Alpha and Omega, He has no beginning and no end. He is perfect...and He has saved me. I believe his words are true and right and full of life. His truth has made my heart rich....Lord, I want to always desire your truth more than anything this world tries to offer me...your word is sweet and satisfies the inner cravings of my heart...more than chocolate....more than diamonds...does your word satisfy.

Psalm 19:14

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight,
O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

Body Language - Part 2

Last week I talked about using my body as an expression of worship - particularly through dance. I hope that some of you gave it a try. I'd love to hear about it!

As I've been reading through the book of Numbers, a phrase has been repeated a few times, catching my attention.

Numbers 14:5 "...and Moses and Aaron fell on their faces before the whole assembly..."
16:4 "When Moses heard it, he fell on his face..."
16:27 "And they (Moses and Aaron) fell on their faces..."
16:45 "And they (Moses and Aaron) fell on their faces..."
20:6 "Then Moses and Aaron...fell on their faces."

I don't believe that this was just a figurative way of saying that they started praying. The Israelites seemed to be very demonstrative people, tearing their clothes in grief, throwing ashes on themselves and wailing loudly in mourning, dancing mightily before the Lord. I think Moses and Aaron actually fell on their faces. Boom. Down. On the ground. Face in the dirt. Right now. Read the contexts of these passages and you'll find that Moses and Aaron did this in response to bad news and desperate situations. I have not researched this, but it makes sense to me from what I read in these passages and others that falling on their faces was a literal bodily posture.

At any rate, it was obvious that they were desperate in their desire to hear from God or to be heard by him. It was a posture of humility and dependence. And it was their first response. The first thing they did when confronted by the dire, urgent, childish, infuriating and critical state of affairs of the people of Israel.

Ever been there? Desperate to know what to do in a seemingly impossible situation? Desiring with all your heart to be heard?

Get on your face. Literally. Down. On the floor. On your belly. Nose in your carpet. As you read the passages related to the above verses, you'll see that when Moses and Aaron got back up, they knew what to do. Apparently they stayed on their faces until they had heard from God, and God was faithful to hear and to respond.

Of course, your loving Heavenly Father will hear you and respond if your face is lifted up, and your nose is breathing in the fresh air of the world around you rather than the crumbs from last night's pizza. It's like worship. You can do it however it is most meaningful to you, but somehow, connecting your body with your emotions makes a difference. In a posture of humility, your body, as well as your mind and your words, is acknowledging your need for God. And then, having to eventually stand up, your upward movement symbolizes rising to walk in faith and obedience, according to what he has spoken to your heart.

I tried this recently. I fell on my face and poured out my heart to God. He listened to the sound of my cry, he answered my plea for help (as he promises he will do), and when I got up, I knew what I needed to do. He is an amazing God.

This morning I drove to church and for some reason I knew God was going to do some work on me today. I wasn’t tired. I was feeling quite happy and content and didn’t want this to be a day that God would bring me to tears and break me. I prayed quietly on my way to church and one phrase came to me….”comfort zone.” What was that supposed to mean? My heart was uneasy. I don’t like stepping out of my comfort zone. That usually means change…. “okay God… what do you have in store for me?”

We had an amazing service and I felt totally content worshipping and praising. The message was awesome and I was enjoying sitting by myself soaking in God’s presence. Time came for an altar call asking anyone who has something they need to ask forgiveness for either from God or someone else, to come forward. I’m doing fine… so I thought….

Years ago I had a fallout with some people. Friendships were lost through this incident and it has caused me a lot of pain over the years. Every Sunday I have gone to church seeing someone who was a part of this painful time in my life. I found my own ways of coping and avoiding so no words had to be exchanged and I could go on with my life. It worked for me to stuff things inside and hope that just me and God could work things out between the two of us and that I could be forgiven for my part in things.

God’s been working on me in the past couple years. I’ve struggled many times with hearing his voice and not knowing if it was God or not. There have been many times where I felt I needed to pull this individual aside and ask forgiveness but each time I felt it wasn’t the right time and that God would make it really clear to me when and if I ever need to take this step….. Today it was clear….

….my feet started moving towards the front row where this individual sat…. “front row God?” My head felt like it was still back at my chair but my feet were moving and I couldn’t back out now…. I was on my way…. “God what am I going to say? Why are you making me do this?”

I sat down beside this individual and she looked quite confused as to why I came to her. Immediately God allowed the words I’ve needed to ask to flow from my mouth and reconcile. We prayed together and forgave each other… my shoulders feel so light and I feel so free. I was broken and freed… tears spilled out…. tears of relief and freedom….

“O LORD, truly I am your servant; I am your servant, the son of your maidservant; you have freed me from my chains. ~ Psalm 116:16 (NIV)

“My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear.” ~ Ps 38:4

God has a way of doing things in His time, His way. It was so clear I needed to take that step forward and that this has been a burden on me for some time. When we’re obedient to His call and words, he blesses us. Now I am free from this weight that has bogged me down and I want to dance.

“By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.” ~ Heb 11:8 (NIV)

I felt like Abraham, being called to this place of reconciliation… obediently I went, even though I didn’t know what the response would be when I got there. God is good. His timing is perfect. For me God does these things in my life when I least expect it. Even though it was hard I’m glad He walked me through it.

Who is God asking you to forgive or ask forgiveness of?
Is there something in your life that you need to lay at Jesus’ feet?
What burdens do you need Jesus to carry?
Are you being obedient to God’s voice?

Do you feel like a battle has been going on this week? I feel like there has been a weather war this week. Cold winter winds blustering and bringing snow and hail, and then spring quietly trying to make its appearance with the sun shining down bright and warm, gently melting the snow. Some days had a back and forth swing between winter, spring, snow and sun.

I’ve been accused of acting quite like this temperamental weather. My husband would say, “What’s up with you? You’re warm and welcoming and then suddenly you’re cold and distant. One day I’m a hero and the next I’m in the dog house and I haven’t changed anything.” He was right in saying this about me - it was true. And then God said the same thing to me. I heard him use exactly the same words, thanks to Eugene Peterson in the Message!

Real wisdom, God's wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced. You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor. James 3:17 (The Message)

Colossians 3:12-15 or so (The Message)
So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.

Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives.

“None of this going off and doing your own thing.” Bull’s eye! Having different interests and activities from your husband is normal and not a bad thing, but choosing to go off and do my own thing out of frustration, anger and spite is what is meant here. And this was precisely describing the attitude I often found in my heart.

I happened to be up in our room looking at the card pictured above. This was a Valentine’s card from my husband that I had received years earlier. I still kept it on the nightstand on my side of the bed because the picture was so sweet and reflected what I wanted our relationship to be like. Our relationship was like this…but not consistently so. So here I was upset again…looking at this “best friends” card… and sadly realizing that I was not treating my husband as my best friend. Because of hurt feelings and misunderstandings, I had distanced myself in my heart from my husband; distanced myself from what I truly desired – true friendship and intimacy. I was deceived into foolishly thinking I was “sticking it to my husband” while really the enemy was taking the exact thing I wanted. Are any of you relating to this? Or am I the only foolish one out there? For your sake I hope I am!

I got down on my knees on my side of the bed and repented of my “two-faced” hot and cold way of living toward my husband. I resolved in my heart to live in a humble, open-hearted way toward my husband. When disappointments or misunderstandings came, to honestly tell him how I was feeling and not put up a wall. This seemed do-able, certainly not on my own, but since that same power that raised Christ from the dead also lives in me… well, couldn’t He help me with this?! By God’s grace, now several years later, we have seen this is possible.

Why did I tell you my story? To encourage you. The world says that it’s a normal part of married life to argue and fight, make your husband sleep on the couch, or go through times when you can’t stand each other, etc. There is nothing in Scripture that would support this. Reread the verses above. He calls us to walk in love and unity – to walk in His love – by His grace and power.

May God bless you in your marriage relationship.

God never changes

I am sitting at a coffee shop right now. The door is open and a slight breeze flows about the room. The cashier is a young girl with dark hair and olive skin. As I look around, I know that I will not be coming here again. I feel out of touch today and emotionally I feel sad. Though I feel sad, it does not change my relationship with God.

Yesterday, I was laughing and having a fun day with a friend. It did not make me love God more because I was having fun, as I do not love Him less today because I am feeling melancholy. My relationship with God does not depend on how I feel. Though I sometimes struggle with moods, God does not. He is the same today, yesterday, and forever. I know that He is constantly surrounding me with His love and guidance, no matter how I am feeling or what I am going through. What a blessing to be loved and cared for by such a wonderful loving Father.

God is not a man that He should lie, nor a son of man, that He should change his mind. Does He speak and then not act? Does He promise and not fulfill?
Numbers 23:19

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Psalm 73:26

This post was written by Pilgrim's Heart while she is away from home.

Seekers

It's spring break....feels a little more like winter break with sunshine (with which I am ever so grateful for the sunshine) but...I slept in today. I still had coffee with Jesus this morning, listening to Him and talking with Him...but I have learned that once the rest of the house gets up, and everyone is at home...I have to fight for my turn at the computor....not really, but it is a little more challenging to get here and focus, as the computor is in the kitchen...the hub of our home.

I have been thinking the last few days about 'Seeking' and how truly important it is to 'Seek' after the right things.

I don't remember a time when I didn't love Jesus. But I do remember many times in my life when I wasn't actively seeking Him. I was seeking after other things to fill the empty places of my heart and life.

I struggled the most with this in high school. I sought after people and things to meet my needs but none of them satisfied...they left me more empty than when I started and wounded besides.

When I got accepted to go to bible college....it was a form of seeking for me. I felt spiritually desperate and thought that if I could just be around a lot of christians...I could get my act together and I would be fine.

Boy, was I wrong. At first, all I could see were a lot of kids like me....some were there to get married, some were there because their parents made them, some seemed to be there just to push the boundaries...and some seemed so 'holier than thou'...I thought they were totally fake.

After my first semester, totally disillusioned, I went and sat down in the dean of women's office and told her that I didn't think there were any godly women on our campus.

I love her to this day. She folded her hands on the desk and smiled at me and then told me something I will never forget. I probably don't have the words in the right order but it went a little like this..."When you are seeking...you will find what you are looking for. If you look for ungodly women, you will find them...but if you look for godly women...you will find them also."

She took a piece of paper and wrote down some names. Then she handed it to me and told me to go find these women and tell them why I was looking for them, they were godly women...none of which I knew.

I did what she said. One of them discipled me...meaning she met with me weekly and taught me spiritual things and truths from the bible...she showed me her own personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I began to find young women in my dorm that were seeking Jesus too. I began to grow.

I'd like to say that was the end of it...that I never sought after other people or things to meet the desires or needs of my heart again...but it wouldn't be true. I have had to refocus many times and evaluate what I was seeking after. The truth is....only Jesus satisfies me. When I am seeking Him...I find Him and He fulfills every promise He has made.

I am still a seeker....I seek to know more of Jesus....I seek to be a godly woman and to have godly women in my life. I seek to live and to live a life of freedom and abundance and truth.

David said to his son Solomon before he died in 1 Chronicles 28:9...

"...know the God of your father and serve him with a whole heart and with a willing mind, for the Lord searches all hearts and understands every plan and thought. If you seek him, he will be found by you...."

2 Chronicles 7:14
"...if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land."

Wow! Can you imagine that!

Jeremiah 29:11-13
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart."

Keep seeking.

Body Language

I have discovered that movement makes a difference. Postures of the body matter. When my mind embraces truth and my body uses movement and posture to express it, my emotions are awakened. When I move my body in worship, the action completes the words that I am expressing, and I worship with my whole being - spirit, heart (mind, emotions), body.

I have discovered that I love to dance. It all started with ballroom dancing lessons that my husband gave us for Christmas a few years ago. What a blast to actually know what to do with my feet! I learned a few steps, what steps to do with different kinds of music, gained a little confidence, and I was hooked. I have always liked to move. I loved playing sports and being active, but I never knew how much fun dancing could be. I love being able to move my body in rhythm, inspired by music and emotion. It has become for me a new language to express my heart to God.

My favorite worship/dance song these days is "I'm Alive" by Celine Dion. Yes, a secular song with a powerful beat (I love a good, strong beat) and words that I can direct towards God. There is something about that song that makes me want to move. I cannot listen to it without my body entering into it. I turn off the lights, (no neighbors, please) crank up the sound loud and go for it! O, it makes me feel so full of life and refreshes my soul. I love that my body joins my spirit in worshiping my wonderful, amazing savior and friend. I can resonate with "I'm Alive" !!!

I didn't grow up being expressive in worship at all. I learned to worship standing in one place with my hands holding the hymnbook. I loved to sing, and I found meaning in participating in the liturgy, but that was pretty much it, as far as being demonstrative went. It wasn't that anything else was frowned upon, it just wasn't what we did. It didn't even enter my head to clap or raise my hands. I am not putting down any style of worship. God's Spirit is not limited in his expression, and we are free to express our love for him in any way that is meaningful. It is always a matter of the heart. I, however, am just enjoying so much the physical aspects of worship that have come to be so meaningful to me.

Unfortunately, (or maybe fortunately for those watching, especially my children) I am not so free in my expression on a Sunday morning at church as I am at home. God is freeing this middle aged woman up a little at a time to not care too much about what others will think. But in my heart, (and when I'm alone) I am like David who lost himself in sincere, earnest worship. And David danced before the LORD with all his might. 2 Samuel 6:14 (Read the rest of the story to see David's (and God's) response to the critics.)

If you haven't ever tried it, I want to encourage you to include your body in the experience of what you are expressing with your mouth and with your spirit. Offer yourself, the members of your body, in worship to God. No one's looking, not really, except the One who will be extremely pleased to have you join him.

(Celebrate Your Life Painting by Cher Odum)

No Time to Pray

I knelt to pray but not for long,
I had too much to do.
I had to hurry and get to work
For bills would soon be due.

So I knelt and said a hurried prayer,
And jumped up off my knees.
My Christian duty was now done
My soul could rest at ease.

All day long I had no time
To spread a word of cheer.
No time to speak of Christ to friends,
They’d laugh at me I’d fear.

No time, no time, too much to do,
That was my constant cry,
No time to give to souls in need
But at last the time, the time to die.

I went before the Lord,
I came, I stood with downcast eyes.
For in his hands God held a book;
It was the book of life.

God looked into his book and said
“Your name I cannot find.
I once was going to write it down…
But never found the time”

Haven't we all experienced this? We go through our day and are too busy to recognize the Giver of Life and thank Him for our existence. I am guilty of that too. I needed this to remind me to daily look to Him and take time to be with Him.... don't worry about what others say.

"Sow for yourselves righteousness, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the LORD, until he comes and showers righteousness on you."
~Hosea 10:12

How do you like to spend time with God? What does resting in Jesus look like to you?

Live Where Your Feet Are

Hi! I’m glad you’re here. :) I hope you’ve made yourself comfortable. Take a deep breath in. Hold it. Now breathe out slowly. Relax your shoulders. Take another deep breath and slowly exhale while you close your eyes. There. You slowed down for a brief moment.

Life is made up of moments. My guess is that as you read the first paragraph and took those relaxing breaths, you weren’t thinking of much else besides what you were doing in the moment. (Unless of course you tried to quickly read this while your little one was fussing, your dog was letting you know she needed to go out, or the phone just rang.) There are so many things that clamor for our attention each day, but we can learn to savour the pleasurable moments, no matter how brief, and therein be refreshed.

One year while I was working through the spring and summer months, I was bemoaning the fact that we couldn’t take a couple of weeks off work. Thankfully I came to the realization that, although I wasn’t getting the extended holiday I was wishing for, I could have mini holidays… even every day… mini being the key word. When the sunshine broke through the clouds just as my day at work was ending, I recognized this was the moment to celebrate - the moment to delight in and be refreshed. Another day, it was enjoying an unhurried dinner on the deck with music in the background. Taking a long bath and enjoying it for what it truly is – a wonderful luxury. Relaxing as I read a few chapters in a novel that transported me to a different time and place. Having tea with a friend (haven’t learned to like coffee yet). A morning walk… an evening walk…a late night walk. Getting my bare hands into the soft, cool dirt as I transplanted flowers. Playing a game with my daughter. Cuddling my grandbaby. Watching a video with my husband or family.

That year I became aware of celebrating and cherishing the moments… without wishing for something more than I had. In this time when we’re possibly faced with more financial challenges, this attitude can guard our hearts. We can savour the simple things. We can be thankful for what we have. And not give way to fear.

That’s the second part of this - to not give way to fear. The concerns and worries that we have can keep us from fully engaging in the moment. You know… your body’s here but your mind is off somewhere else. Here’s where we need to stop again. Take a look at your feet. You don’t have to take off your socks or slippers, just look down at your feet. Where are they? Now where are you?

Hopefully I’ve managed to hold your attention and you also are where your feet are. The title of today’s blog is my latest saying that I often remind myself of. Live where your feet are. If my feet are under the kitchen table during dinner, be there – be engaging there. If my foot is on the gas pedal of my car, enjoy the drive. How many times has the concern of being late made me resent the red lights, the stupid driver in front of me, my kids for being too slow, and myself for not being more organized? Countless! Enjoy the drive. I’ll get there when I get there.

And what of those worries! That’s been subject material for several blogs at Soul Kitchen. You’ll find them under “anxious thoughts.” We invent worries and then live in response to what we’ve conjured up in our minds. Or more accurately, we live according to the fears the enemy speaks to our minds. I quote a comment someone made on another blog I sometimes read, “My worries hardly ever do provide what they promise.”

This comment convicted me. I thought back to all the things I had worried about – feared. And with each fear, I recalled the emotions, the tears or in some cases outbursts, and also plans of action I made to prepare for that worry’s inevitable outcome. And did the worry provide what it promised? No. So, all that time, energy, and emotion was for…nothing. I just got hurt by the process and others were hurt as well.

Consider this. God’s promises are sure. He always provides what He promises. The Word of God is full of promises. You probably have many tucked away in your heart that you cling to. If not, ask God to show you some of His promises that He wants to encourage you with. When I read 1 Peter 5:7 in The Message, God made that message go to the core of my being and the result was a tremendous freedom for me.

Live carefree before God; He is most careful with you.

We can trust God. He is faithful to all His promises. He is good and He is God. He came so that we might have life and have it to the full. Rest in Him, and live where your feet are.

Now may the Lord of peace Himself continually grant you peace in every circumstance The Lord be with you all! 2 Thessalonians 3:16

Painting: 'Dancing on the Shore' by Steve Hanks

Water for the thirsty...

A couple of weekends ago, I was involved in a missions conference.  It was one of those weekends that was gruelingly long with little time to rest in between.  We had scheduled meetings throughout the day,  Friday afternoon, through Sunday night.  However, at the pace we had been going, I was getting sick and there was no time to think about pulling back and recuperating.  I began taking cold medication for head congestion but it didn't seem to be helping a lot.

Saturday was a day of planned festivities.  There was music, and cultural dances, plays and skits and food from other countries.  A lot of people were in their native dress and the colors and decorations of the different countries involved brought about a lot of excitement.

My husband and I were responsible for a booth and we also had to find ways to entertain the young people.  I couldn't imagine that I could entertain anyone in my present condition.  My husband, however, did come up with a game that he had played with  young people before and it could entertain for hours.  He really didn't have to do anything but explain it and find some teens to help him with it... I went in search of some water.

I spotted a booth that was serving snacks, and water.  Approaching the booth, I could see a barrel of bottled water behind the lady at the counter.  "Could I have a bottle of water, please," I asked the lady.  "I'm not feeling well and I need to take some medication."  "I'm sorry," she said, "I don't think I can give you any water.  I don't know how  many bottles I have and I don't know how many I will need.  We will be giving them out with lunch later."  She could see I was disappointed and offered to give me money for a drink machine somewhere.  But, I just thanked her and said that it was okay...  However, as I walked away, I thought of the scripture in Mark 9:41, where Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, anyone who gives you a cup of water in My Name because you belong to Christ will certainly not lose his reward."

I found water.... if you are thirsty enough, you will keep searching until you find it.  I took my medication, and went back to my booth.  Later, I saw the lady again... It seemed as though she had been looking for me.  "I am so embarrassed," she said.  "I should have given you water.  I asked someone else and they said, "of course, it would have been fine."  I told her not to worry about it... I had found some water.

We cannot survive with water.  It quenches our thirst.  It cleanses us... It helps us get our medication down.  It soothes a dry throat.  When we start thinking about water... nothing else will satisfy us.  Jesus knew how important it was to give someone a cup of cold water.  At times, our very lives depend on it.  But more importantly, He knows our need for the living water.  Jesus asked the woman at the well for a drink of water.

"The Samaritan woman said to Him, "You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman.  How can You ask me for a drink?''(For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.)

"Jesus answered her,  "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked Him and He would have given you living water."

"Sir," the woman said, "you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep.  Where can you get this living water?  Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his flocks and herds?"

"Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst.  Indeed the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."

                             John 4:9:14

By Sunday evening of the conference, I found that I had been drinking of the living water that Jesus had spoken about.  God worked in my heart and gave me a hunger and thirst to want to be near Him.  Though, it was an exhausting weekend physically... God had done something in my heart... 

The woman at the well said to Jesus, "Sir, give me this water so that I won't get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water."(John 4:15)

She found the found the living water that Jesus was talking about and told all of the people in town and brought them to Jesus.... They drank of the living water...

"Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman's testimony.  He told me everything I did.  So when the Samaritans came to Him, they urged Him to stay with them, and he stayed two days.  And because of His words many more became believers."

"They said to the woman, "We no longer believe just because of what you said; now we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this man really is the Savior of the world."

                 John 4:39-42

Have you had a taste of the living water?  There is nothing like it!!

The Pantry

My kitchen didn't come with a pantry. So, the hall closet became the pantry. My husband, bless his dear heart, just built me one....in the kitchen. It has been so exciting watching it come together and being in on the planning....if you've ever not had a pantry in the kitchen...you will understand my excitement. I couldn't wait to move all of the contents of the hall closet into my new pantry in the kitchen...to organize it and just open the door and stare at it with satisfaction.

Well....that was about 5 days ago. I started the move...but began rethinking the practical aspects of my kitchen accessories and the such and what should go into the hall closet now, which resulted in cleaning out the china cabinet (full of all kinds of things), and then the hard to reach places underneath my kitchen cupboards, which resulted in finding all kinds of tupperware and (you can't get rid of tupperware can you?...even if you haven't used it in 5 years because...well...its tupperware). A little while later, I found my self "sorting" through all my cookbooks and cooking magazines....an hour later, after looking through all of the recipes that I'm going to make..."someday".....with a dining room table, a kitchen table and a kitchen countertop overloaded with all of my reorganizing endeavours...I looked around and realized that what started out as one little home improvement had me all of a sudden overwhelmed with all of the other areas around me that needed work.

Then my girlfriend called...and saved me. Talked me through a little bit of the mountain I was describing to her...gave me some help with what to get rid of and what to keep. Then another girlfriend stopped by and encouraged me. Hope restored...... and although I'm not done....the tables and countertops are clear and everything that needed a space now has one.

It so reminds me of my heart. Sometimes Jesus wants to do a home improvement in my heart...He sees something that needs fixing and reveals it to me and then begins the work. Sometimes seeing something in my life that needs fixing...opens up other doors or areas of my heart and I start noticing all kinds of things about me that need fixing. When that happens, I can become overwhelmed and burdened and even discouraged at the woman I see in me. I start pulling it all out and looking at it and my whole life becomes a mountain.

But Jesus...He just takes one thing at a time and deals with it and puts it where it needs to go. He is patient with me. He reminds me of the woman He sees in me. He sends me people that care for my heart and can speak truth into me and encourage me in my journey and my hope is restored...I can get through it.

May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

Ah, mornings.

Give ear to my words, O Lord; consider my groaning.
Give attention to the sound of my cry,
my King and my God,
for to you do I pray.
O LORD, in the morning you hear my voice;
in the morning I direct my prayer to you and watch. Psalm 5:1-3

Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Psalm 143:8

Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days. Psalm 90:14

Oh, how we need him in the mornings, whether they are a relief from the night before, an invitation to a day full of life and adventure, or an unwelcome reminder that nothing has changed since yesterday.

We need to know that he hears our words and considers our groaning.
We need to know that he pays attention to the sounds of our cries.
He hears our voices... and we wait for him, expectantly, to answer.

We need to hear over and over and over again of his love for us, because he is the one who we trust for everything. We need to know we are loved by the one to whom we lift up our souls.

We need to be satisfied with his unfailing love, because we truly want to rejoice in life and be glad all our days, no matter what the circumstances happen to be.

Thank you, Lord, for understanding about mornings and giving us your word to answer our need. We love you and offer our days to you.

"All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too."
~ 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 (The Message)

Last week I wrote about Psalm 23 and how our journey doesn’t take us around the valleys but that we need to go through them to draw near to God. The journey through the valley is not always easy yet the rewards when we get to the other side are awesome. Sometimes it would be nice to see God's gameplan so we know how our journey will end. Unfortunately God doesn't work that way.

A journey God has me on over the past couple years is something very personal. I struggle with when this journey will end and when I will get to the other side of the valley. There are many days where I think I catch glimpses of the sunshine peeking over the edge and it’s a boost to get me to continue on this journey. Over the last few years I have struggled with depression. Because of this I have had many days where I have felt I’ve been in the pit of hell and others where I feel really good and can get a lot accomplished. For me this journey has been a time where God has shown me to step back and rest…. this is my season to receive. I’ve always been a giver and give myself to others. I love serving others and doing special things for them and it pains me that I cannot give of myself to others in this quiet journey. Most days I need to be by myself and not take on too much. I get overwhelmed very easy and cannot have too much on my schedule before it overwhelms me. I need to do things spontaneously because each day is a hit and miss on how I’m feeling.

The enemy uses this time to bring me down and fill my head with lies. He can take things that have been said to me and use them when I am feeling alone to make me feel worse. I wish I could honestly say that each time that happens I pull out my Bible and rebuke Satan and speak God’s truth but I don’t. It’s hard to describe that this valley I’m going through is a good time for me where God is teaching me many things that I’ve never thought I needed to learn before.

The reason I’m writing about depression is that I know there are many women (and men) who struggle with this like I do. For some it’s very mild and others the depression is very difficult and dark. Each person’s journey through the valley of depression is different from someone else and you cannot compare yourself to how others handled it. When I first got “diagnosed” with depression I had many people tell me that I wasn’t trusting in God enough and that it had to do with my relationship with God and that I had to make things right to get out of it. Others simply told me to snap out of it without understanding how I couldn’t.

A dear friend who God brought into my life on this journey helped me to rest in Jesus in this time. She walked this journey too and has come to the green pastures after walking through the valley of depression. She told me to allow God to meet me in the dark moments. I used to be a person who could sing and pray all day long and this was strange to me to need to be alone and not talk to anyone. She encouraged me to ask God to just rest with me and be beside me and allow him to be near. Let me tell you that changed this journey for me. I can go through my day and I have confidence that God is right there beside me. I cannot always converse with him or feel my heart overflowing with love for him but I know he’s there. I invite him into my dark and lonely moments and fill a void only he can fill.

"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him." Ps 62:1

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him." Ps 62:5

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty." Ps 91:1

Just like God is beside me as I walk through this valley in my life, He's with you. I want to encourage you to find rest in God alone. Rest in Jesus.... safe and secure in His arms as you journey together. Invite him to meet you in the darkness. You're not alone on this journey and don't need to be.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28