And now I will show you the most excellent way...

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. but where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I Corinthians 13

A Gentle and Quiet Spirit

How we decorate ourselves has become very important to society these days. I know at least for my generation, it's all about having the right brand of clothes, the nice jewelry, the cool haircut...
But God tells us something different:

"Inner Beauty"

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

- 1 Peter 3:3-4

It's okay to want to look nice on the outside... but God calls us to be beautiful on the inside, with a gentle and quiet spirit. With it, we are beautiful on the inside and out!

To Know or Be Known

We know that we all possess knowledge.
Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up.
The man who thinks he knows something
does not yet know as he ought to know.
But the man who loves God is known by God.
1 Corinthians 8:1b-3

I've been thinking about these verses for almost two weeks. The contrasts in these verses have my mind engaged in trying to grasp something deeper than I've seen even after two weeks of being parked on this passage. What do you want me to see here, Lord?

I don't like the idea of being puffed up. Most puffed up things pop, or get squished or flatten. (Except maybe for a bloated stomach. Why can't that just flatten like my hair does in the rain?)

I like the idea of building up much better. When you build, there's substance and purpose. It's for someone's good. These verses say that it's love that builds; knowledge isn't the "builder-upper."

Knowledge isn't bad; it's a good thing. But knowledge without love... that's where the puff comes in. "But knowing isn't everything. If it becomes everything, some people end up as know-it-alls who treat others as know-nothings. Real knowledge isn't that insensitive." (1 Corinthians 8:7 The Message)

We're supposed to take effort in attaining knowledge so that we are not "ineffective and unproductive in our knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Peter 1:8 However, knowledge is only one of seven characteristics we're supposed to add to our faith. Here's the list: "...make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. 1 Peter 1:5-7

I'm probably looking at these verses so much because I'm contemplating doing some more school. I have had a secret desire to get a university degree. I would do it slowly, but even then, I feel like my studies would limit my time doing the "love stuff" like kids and grandkids, volunteering at our church, being with my husband and friends. I'm trying to discern if this is right for me at this time. Is this something I truly want? Is it something God is calling me to? Pray that I will know what God is saying about this.

You know something.
Really.
You're know by God.
Now, that's real.

Meet Lou-Lou

After a year of non-hostile negotiations with our daughter, and 10% down on her part through chores, toy sales, some academic achievements and lost teeth....we have succumbed to the many prayers, joyous wishes and deep desire of our little girl.  A puppy.

Here she is at one of her toy sales with a couple of neighbor children supporting her cause.

I must tell you as I write this that we have had Lou-Lou now for 6 days.  She is totally adorable and all of us have fallen in love with her but she is still sorting out her separation anxiety and thus night times have been...well...let's just say.....not quiet.

Having not stayed up with a baby in 10 years....we can just say....I'm suffering from a little sleep deprivation!  I'm not saying I haven't had sleepless nights in 10 years...just not 6 in a row.

So...barely making it on here tonight but just thought I'd give you an update of my life.  I'm sure Lou-Lou is going to give me many good stories for you at sometime, as God often uses even little things like puppies to work his way in our hearts.




So here she is.  Thank you Lord for puppies.  Thank you for Lou-Lou.

I've often wondered how people get on in this world without God. I mean, if I have enough trouble with Him, than how do they do it without Him?

I had a short conversation with a non-christian friend yesterday, which sort of got me thinking along these lines. He was telling me that he just likes it when he's happy. Well... duh. Who doesn't? So I told him that, everybody likes to be happy. You know how he stays happy? He's, and I quote, "just gotta stay positive and project good vibes into the universe." Right.

It's gotten me thinking, and right now I have more questions than I do answers, but mainly, how do people survive without God? How does one stay positive and project good vibes? How do you project a vibe??? Should of asked him that. I've got images of super sonic sound waves coming out of the chest... but that can't be right. Seriously, though, when you look at the world around you, how do you stay positive in the face of all that if you don't have Jesus Christ as your hope? Where does the positive come from? It amazes me that they can be so happy without the one thing that will bring them true joy.

I don't have much experience with the non-christian world. I'm a pastors daughter, my workplace is filled with christians and growing up my friends were christians. So this lifestyle doesn't quite make sense to me. I've never lived there, never experienced it for myself. I did date a non-christian once, but he wasn't a very happy person so it didn't give me much insight into that. I do know that he filled his life with the little things that brought him moments of happiness, but I can't say that he's ever experienced pure joy. How sad.

Unfortunately, this post isn't going to end with some awesome revelation or satisfying conclusion. Mainly cuz I'm writing to get my thoughts in order. I do that... a lot.

But, I will end with this, "Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, "The Lord has done great things for them." " Psalm 126:2

So, I guess it's time to spread the joy!

God's Child

I was struck by what a well respected authority on parenting said about the practice many parents have adopted by counting to three in order to get our children to obey. (I, myself, count to three in order to get my son to listen to me, and so am by no means passing judgement on this practice). He said, however, how detrimental he thought this was. We ask our kids to do something, and when they don't respond we start counting to three. However, in doing so we are undermining our authority three times. Our child didn't listen to us, and so we are going to give them two more chances not to listen to us before they are disciplined. I thought this very interesting when I read it. As I was sharing this with my friend, she pointed out an interesting parallel.

We obviously want the best for our children. We don't prevent our children from doing certain things to be over bearing and boring. Our intention is not to be the "no fun police". We stop our children from running away from us in the parking lot to keep them safe. We say they can't help themselves to candy in order to protect their health and their teeth. We tell them not to hit so that they can display love and function well in society. The need for children to respect authority aside, it is in their best interest to obey first time.

What my friend pointed out to me is that God desires for us to listen to Him and obey the first time. How much less "trouble" would we find ourselves in if God spoke to us (which He clearly does) and we listened? How much heart ache would we be able to bypass? Just as we want for our children, God wants the best for us. Can you imagine how He feels when we don't listen? I know the frustration I feel when my son doesn't understand why I am telling him "no" and so subsequently chooses not to listen to me. If only he listened to me the first time.

If only I listened to Him the first time. I realize that this means for many of us (most definitely myself included) that we need to first learn how to listen to what God is saying to us, and then secondly make a practice out of it. We need to be in tune with His desires for us. We need to understand His motives. Then we need to do as He tells us.

I am God's child. I don't want it to get to the count of three.

"A New Kind of Normal"

On occasion we are faced with events or circumstances in our lives that bring about change. Sometimes, it is a forever kind of change. Because each day is a new day, everyday that we live brings about change. Nothing is exactly as it was yesterday. That can often be a good thing or it can be devastating. How we handle those changes can make a difference in how we live each day. I have to admit, there are times that I have not dealt with change in a positive way. I like for things to stay the same but often that is not the case, so we have to deal with it from a different angle or perspective. Hopefully, if we are looking to God, who is our hope in all situations, we will be able to deal with it. That is not to say that we will not suffer pain, sorrow or deep suffering. But, God is with us... He is there.

I have been reading a book by Carol Kent, titled, "A New Kind of Normal." I first met Carol in Whistler, possibly twenty years ago. She was the guest speaker for a "Speak Up With Confidence" seminar at a Women's Business Club meeting. She was promoting her book under the same title. She has written several books that have caught my attention over the years. However, when I read her book, "When I Lay My Isaac Down," it was a book about irreversible change, deep sorrow, grief and pain. As she shares her journey with us, our hearts are strengthened in faith and hope. As we trust God through some very difficult times in our lives, we can hold on to the word of truth that is able to sustain us.

"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path." Psalm 119:105

"You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word. Psalm 119:114

Here is an excerpt from the introduction of Carol Kent's book, for those who are facing a "new kind of normal..."

I will survive

I will persevere

I will be vulnerable

I will forgive

I will trust

I will hold those I love with open hands

I will be thankful

I will choose purposeful action.

Where do we go when we can't get things back the way they were? We go to the only safe place in our life... to our heavenly Father and Lord Jesus Christ.

"Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall." Psalm 55:22

Fortress

My family just recently finished a really fun project: our fort. It took about 6 weeks to build, and was built for my brother's birthday. It's a quiet place to go to escape the craziness of our house, and to just be still and admire God's creation around us.

Day 155 - "Fortress"

(May 22, 2010)

It actually made me think of the song by Brian Doerksen that goes with this verse:

The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
My God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

- Psalm 18:2

When life feels kinda hectic and unstable, it's awesome to know that God will be our secure fortress... protecting us from Satan and keeping us from harm. :)

He Loves Me

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20

The life I now live here on earth, I live by faith.
What do I have faith in? Who do I have faith in?
In the One who loved me.
He loved me and gave Himself for me.
I can't read that line or even recite this verse anymore without feeling in my deepest heart how intimate and precious that love for me is. He gave Himself for me. He gave His very being, his life, his glory and honour,
e v e r y t h i n g... for me.

Oh Father, may we grasp the reality of that love. That You first loved me. You wanted me. You want all of us. We cost you BIG TIME! But to You, our Creator, we were worth it. I was worth it and am worth it. You knew You had only one option. The Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Father, open our eyes to see how worthy You are of our total trust. Who has ever loved us like this? Who else is fully deserving of our trust? No one. Only You. May we see how, just like Eve, we've been duped into doubting that we can trust You. May we see how truly absurd that is. In so many areas of our lives we really do believe that we just cannot trust you. Show me those places in my life where I don't trust you. Show me where I have turned my heart to trust in something or someone other than you. Show me what the truth is in this situation. I want to live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me.

Lord, thrill my heart with Your love. May I truly see that I am your prized possession. You desire me; You bought me with your very life, and you hold me secure for all eternity. Thank You Father. I love you back.

So Long, Insecurity...The Final Chapter, but Not Really

Well girls....the adventure here for me on this particular issue has been one that has grabbed my heart strings and tied them in a knot!  In God's revelations to me about my own life and what I've learned from my other sisters, I feel determined to be the woman that God sees in me and determined to share what I've learned.  I have never looked my fears so straight in the face....and just saying that, causes my eyes to fill with tears.

God in his precious grace and gentle mercy has brought me to many places of freedom.  But I've said it before and I'll say it again, I don't think anyone has ever accused me of being a fast learner!  I need time to work through things, to grasp it and own it and make it mine.  This journey has been like that for me.  It has been painful.  I did not receive this book and just read it hoping that I'd feel secure when I closed the cover on the final chapter.  I prayed through every chapter and asked God to speak to me what I needed to hear.  When I got to a place where I not only recognized but became sick and tired of unhealthy roots of fear, doubt, inner rebellion, and pride (just to name a few) in my life that were so deep and old that they had grown into the foundation of who I was....I was willing to do whatever it took to rip them out.

At that point... I fell down before my Heavenly Father, I went to some spiritual mentors in my life and also to a godly counselor to help me with the tools that it would take to rip out roots that big.  Hear me right when I say that pulling up anything in your life that has been there a long time like that takes work, effort, determination and in the moment...doesn't feel good.  It hurts.  But maybe a little like childbirth....once it's out, you know it's so worth it!

 But back to my garden analogy...like a plant that has been somehow still growing and blooming every now and then by God's dear grace, despite the weeds rooted deep in amongst me, stealing my water and shadowing me from the sun, with those weeds cut out....I feel room to grow.  I'm still thirsty, but I'm not losing half my water to other things in my life that were blocking my access to nutrients and refreshment.  I can see the Son more clearly.

I don't know if any of that makes sense to you but it's the picture that the Lord gave me.  I also know that keeping a beautiful garden means constant maintenance and I've already been experiencing a few old weeds trying to sprout up again.  Just last week, I had a total melt down and the Lord had to remind me of who I am.

He gave me again 1 Peter 1:13-16

Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled;  set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed.  As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance.  But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do;  for it is written:  "Be holy, because I am holy."

Julie and to anyone else with ears to hear....do not go back to your old way of thinking.  Do not let an insecure moment...define who you are.  Do not allow fear to control your behaviour.  Do not focus on yourself and your weaknesses or even your strengths....Focus on Truth!  Live by Faith!  Empowered by the Holy Spirit!  And spread the seeds of grace and freedom everywhere you go....

For you are precious......

Who's afraid now??

Last week I wrote about some of my fears, one major one being the thought that my life would stay the same forever (seems a bit melodramatic, but when do fears ever make sense?).

Well, last Thursday, I went out for coffee with a friend and I told her about some of things that I wanted to do. Mainly, anything different than what I'm doing. We talked and I decided I wanted to take guitar lessons. I left coffee thinking, 'yeah, it would be cool to learn the guitar.' Now, normally, I would think something like that, but never do anything about it. Well, you will be happy to know that, starting tomorrow, I will be taking guitar lessons :D That's just part of it.

As I sat at work Friday, with, literally, nothing to do, I was thinking about the conversation with my friend from the night before. She had suggested that we take a Japanese language course, but that had been during the day when I'm at work, so it didn't pan out. I'm not really sure what my thought process was, but I ended up on the UFV website looking up History classes (I'm a history buff, like my dad. Love it). I found one that looks pretty awesome that starts at 5:30 on a monday night, so it wouldn't interfere with work. In a rather unnatural act, I applied at UFV just yesterday and am waiting to see if I can start this class. I'm literally giddy...

Looking back now, I have to wonder why I was afraid and where my trust had gone. There has never been a time that God hasn't provided for me. There has never been a time when He has looked at me, looked at my needs and said, "Nope, instead of bread, I'm going to give you a rock."

I still don't know everything, and I still want stuff, but it was like this week God showed me what He is capable of and how much He loves me. I have felt before that the vast majority of the time, God wants me to struggle over the mountain that I've come across, rather than moving it aside for me. In the struggle, I learn a lot about me, about God, but sometimes I just want the mountain to move out of my way. This week, God moved the mountain. So now, in the struggle, I can at least know, and trust, that my God is for me and that, "He has blessed me in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ." (Ephesians 1:3). See it's not just the fact that I've got these new things popping up in my life, its that I'm excited about it, I'm excited about what God is doing and I'm excited about what He's going to do.

Actually, I'm thrilled :D

He sees me.

A couple of weeks ago I received some discouraging news. Bear with me as I explain ...

I have been teaching for 8 years now. I LOVE my job, however, the politics that I have encountered surrounding my job have made it frustrating, to say the least. To make a long story short, it has taken me 8 years to get a permanent position. Last year I became permanent. This meant that for the first time I not only knew where I was going to be the following September, but also I would enjoy my first experience of teaching at the same school two years in a row. It is so hard bouncing around between schools. You aren't able to build relationships with either colleagues or students, and it usually means a whole lot more planning due to each school having different resources to work with. But this no longer mattered, as I was permanent! I was praising God that I finally had reached this point.

A couple of weeks ago, I was called to a meeting where my department was told that we were overstaffed and unless someone volunteered to transfer to another school, the staff member with the least amount of seniority was going to be "surplused" (a nicer way of saying "kicked out and moved to another school"). That staff member happens to be me! I left the meeting, after being comforted by my colleagues (we all knew no one would volunteer), and wept on my way home. A couple of days later I received the official word that I no longer have a position at my school and would be transfered to another one - one which won't be made known to me for another month. Once again, I have found myself in what appears to be a system that seems to be working against me, and I just can't understand why.

I still don't understand why (or even the logistics of where I will be teaching next year), but there is something I do know. God sees me. I am studying a book called The Names of God, and there is one that I has spoken to me greatly. It is El Roi: the God who sees me. I have been so comforted by this. At the time that I was studying this name, I felt its comfort in the middle of the nights as I fed my newborn son. God saw me; He saw my tiredness and my needs. Now, months later, I am drawn to this name again. I feel as if I have been caught up in a whirlwind that I have no control over. It would seem (at least to me and my lack of divine knowledge) that this whirlwind is destructive. It is a force that I have no control over, but that is throwing me about without concern for where I want to be and what I want to have happen. But as I am uncontrollably swirling about in the vortex, God is watching, and He sees me - He may have even created the wind so as to bring about change to continue His plans for me. Either way, He is watching me. He sees the disappointment that I am feeling. He knows of the anxiety I have of moving to yet another school, and He knows where the wind will place me. While it appears that the wind is in control of me, I need to remember that even the wind is at the mercy of my God. I am choosing to replace my anxiety and disappointment with trust. Trusting in God seems easier when you know you are trusting in El Roi.

Hidden Treasure

Yesterday was such a beautiful day. After we left church, we came home, had lunch on the back deck and I settled into a lounge chair with a book. I had a hard time keeping interest in my book though, because I kept looking at all of the things that were distracting me. The bees were happily buzzing around the shrubbery, a frog had found a place on a rock in our little pond, and a turtle was trying to climb up a rock to get to the water. I could hear the laughter of the kids a few houses down mingled in with the distant noise of a lawn mower. The sunshine brought warmth to my body and soul.

Last week I spoke of how our backyard was ablaze with color. It is still true. When we first moved to our house a couple of years ago, our daughter was observing the backyard and noticed this shrubbery that covered at least a quarter to a third of the yard. At that time, it was green, and had no particular appeal. It was just a ground cover that separated the lower yard to the higher yard. She talked with us about what type of flowers we could plant if we pulled up the shrubbery. The yard had been neglected and the backyard looked more like weeds than anything else. However, this is just the type of challenge my husband enjoys. I think that is why we bought the house.

Last year after a return trip from Chicago, this is what our backyard looked like. We were so surprised! We had no idea the shrubbery would flower like this and be so beautiful. Actually, Julie had seen it before we did and couldn't wait for us to see it. We were glad we had waited before making any decisions about it.

This shrubbery reminds me of the hidden treasure in God's Word. We looked at it day after day but did not realize its true worth or beauty until it became ablaze with color. We could not take our eyes off it. That is what happens when God reveals truth to us through His Word. It becomes alive in our hearts and our eyes are opened. We discover wisdom and revelation...

As Paul prayed for the saints in Ephesus, we can pray the same thing for ourselves, our children, family and friends...

" I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know Him better." Ephesians 1:17

We are enlightened, we have hope. We have God's mighty power working in us.

"I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints, and His incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of His mighty strength, which He exerted in Christ when He raised Him from the dead..." Ephesians 1:18-20

The same power that God raised Christ from the dead, is the same power that He is working in us... God did not bring us to Him and then leave us helpless...

"My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.

For the Lord gives wisdom and from His mouth come knowledge and understanding. He holds victory in store for the upright, He is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of His faithful ones.

Then you will understand what is right and just and fair-- every good path. For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you. Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men, from men whose words are perverse." Proverbs 2:1-12

A Promise

The Bible is full of promises from our Heavenly Father. The one that I'm sure many people know is the story of Noah and the flood, and God sending a rainbow as a sign that He would never again flood the whole earth.



But here's a promise that I found in Psalms that I don't think I'd ever read before (I changed the "he" to "she" so it would fit better):

"Because she loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue her;
I will protect her, for she acknowledges my name.
She will call upon me, and I will answer her;
I will be with her in trouble,
I will deliver her and honor her.
With long life will I satisfy her and show her my salvation."

- Psalms 91: 14-16

Now, take a moment and put your name in every spot that says "she" or "her". Isn't it amazing? God loves us so much that He protects us, delivers us, satisfies our needs, forgives us, answers when we call... He is EVERYTHING to us! What an amazing gift to know that we have the Creator of the universe watching over us. Thank you, Jesus!

Hidden Person

What do I do to kill the insecurity that suddenly appears and talks to me telling me what I certainly cannot do because what would people think of me?

Here's an example from today.
But first a cute picture of my granddaughter this morning.

I have the grand kids over today and had them for the night. Eight o'clock in the morning the door bell rings. I've been up for bit and since the bananas are all spotted and the kids love muffins, I'm in the process of mixing the muffins. I had just spilled some oil on my pink t-shirt that now serves as my pyjama shirt and the pyjama pants I chose to wear the night before have the left seam blown-out from the waist to the hip. My shirt doesn't quite cover the skin exposed and doesn't cover the fact that I'm not wearing a bra either. Hmm... What do I do?
I go to the door, open the door, crane my neck around the door to keep my body hidden. Oh... it's only the postmaster on her way to work. I've known her a long time. I babysat her kids as a teen, and her kids later babysat my kids. She was just dropping a card off for us. She hopes she didn't bother me too early. I assure her that she didn't. Hours later I still looked the same, so it actually wouldn't have mattered when she would have come!

Last week Julie asked the question from Beth Moore's So Long Insecurity chapter 15. "Name a couple of ways pertinent to your sphere of life and influence that you could look out for your own gender in our battle with insecurities. In other words, how can you (not others but you in particular) start becoming part of the solution in your female relationships rather than default into part of the problem."

The example from this morning is one way I can. I take these little opportunities to steal my resolve to not make any excuses for myself or my husband or anyone else that I may be tempted to think reflect "badly" on me. If someone drops in unexpected, and my house isn't cleaned for company (far from it, actually!), I again choose to take my focus off my "shortcomings" and make my guest my focus instead. For me, that's maybe a way that I would say that I battle the insecurity thing, and my hope is that this also gives them freedom to just be, too. Maybe they too would begin to let others see them in their real-life, natural habitat! (Trust me, if a man had been ringing the doorbell this morning and I did open the door, my body would have remained hidden behind that steal door!)

It seems to me that I've been having ample opportunities lately to choose something other than hiding behind those tempting thoughts of insecurity. Twice, I dropped in at the local supermarket and ran into an acquaintance of mine who I've only seen picture perfect. Both of these times, in my opinion, I looked pretty bad for shopping, but didn't think about it as I was working in the yard. Love drove me to go into the store when I was more than slightly embarrassed about how I looked, and love made me stop and talk to my friend instead of listening to the easy escape option so perfectly laid out before me.

Peter says that we as women shouldn't make it all about how we present on the outside.
but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart
The hidden person of the heart is where the beauty needs to come from. I know God has had to work freedom in so many areas of my heart to have that hidden person be even close to beautiful!
with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. 1 Peter 3:4

I want to have this precious beauty. I don't mind not having it all together on the outside. Besides, it's good for my pride.

The other day I was having my quiet time, which I usually do in the mornings before work, and I was sitting in bed reading my bible. I don't remember for sure what I was looking up, but I was in Matthew and had my bible laid out before me. The pages weren't fluttering, everything was fairly calm, but then one page started to turn. Seriously, I didn't do it, and the fan that I normally have blowing, wasn't focused on the bed. The page turned and the first thing I read was the story about Jesus crossing the lake with his disciples and the storm that came up and how Jesus calmed the wind and the waves. The part that struck me the most was what Jesus said to his disciples when he woke up, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?"

I went to the wedding on Saturday of one of my friends that I've known all through high school. It was a fabulous wedding and I had a lot of fun, but I couldn't help feeling lonely at times. I'm turning 22 in June (I've had a few freak-outs over that) and I'm single, with really no prospect of that ever changing. I will admit that before the wedding, I was already struggling with my life, the direction it's going (or not going) and all that stuff, but this wedding kind of hit me hard. I didn't peg any of the thoughts swirling around my head as fear, though.

So, (here's where it all ties together) when I read that sentence, it was like Jesus was asking me why I was so afraid. So, I asked myself, what am I afraid of? More than I had thought. There are things that I want, really bad, but I'm afraid that I'll screw everything up and won't get them. I'm scared that the way my life is now is the way its going to stay until I die. Two of my best friends both have big, life changing events coming up, and I don't and it scares me. The thing that scares me the most, is that I'll go on wanting these things, desiring them, but will never get them. That I'll go on wanting them forever. But then, I re-read the part where Jesus asks why the disciples are so afraid and this is what I heard in it. This could be what Jesus was thinking, "Guys, why are you scared? I'm right here! You believe that I can heal the sick, give the blind sight, that demons will obey me, but you don't think that I can handle a storm? Really? Come on!" If I believe God for somethings, why can't I believe Him for everything??

I don't have it all figured out yet. It's not like in one morning I realized that all the things that have been bothering me don't mean anything and I can let them all go to allow God to work, but at least I can "be confident of this, that he who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6. I don't want to hold on to things and, by holding on, not notice the work that Christ is doing, not pay attention to the things He is doing in me and for me. Believe you me, it's happened before.

So, let me say with the psalmist: 'I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:13-14

It's time to introduce myself...

My name is Becky (Rebecca if you're talking to my dad - he will probably correct you if you call me Becky!!). I am the mother of two abnormally amazing boys, and the wife of an equally amazing husband. I never, in a million years, could have dreamed that I would be living the life that I am. I was very driven in high school. While many of my friends were off being typical high school aged kids, I was focused on my goal of either becoming a teacher or going through Law school. While I did become a teacher, not much else turned out the way I expected it to. Getting married and having children was something that I thought I would inevitably "end up doing", but neither was a great influence on the path that I laid out for myself. That was until I started dating my husband. We were friends for 8 or so years before we started dating, and if I am honest, I shocked many people (including myself) when news of our relationship hit the waves. Pretty soon after we were married came my desire to be a mother. After having to wait longer than we hoped for our first child to come along and even longer for our second child, I am now mum to Finn and Eddie.

This is Finn. He is four and this September will be embarking on his journey through school. He loves anything to do with ocean animals and has more information in his head about whales, sharks, and other marine life than I even knew existed! He is a bright boy and so very funny. He has an incredibly inquisitive mind (hence learning all there is to know about the ocean) and is so very curious about the world around him. He is also really sensitive, both in emotion and in the subtleties of life that usually go overlooked by most others. He is, to sum up, fantastic. So fantastic that during my second pregnancy, Phil and I weren't sure how another little being could rival him. But here he is, our second little being:

This is our Edward. He is such a jovial little boy. The smile that you see in this picture is on his face most of the day. In fact, when he was four months old he was hospitalized for three days. Despite being in unfamiliar surroundings and being plagued with sickness, he smiled almost constantly. He is either smiling or laughing. On Mother's Day I had him laughing so hard that his little shoulders were heaving up and down with each giggle. He is truly amazing. Granted he doesn't do much right now - he is just getting out of the "sack of potatoes" stage of babyhood - but already Phil and I know that Finn has found a rival! The two of them together, in the same room, is too much for me sometimes. They are just phenomenal little humans.

Then there's my Phillip. (I realize this is all a bit sappy, but this is a blog for ladies, so allow me to indulge in a little sappiness!) Phil still makes my heart skip a beat when he walks in the room. He has made my life so much richer than I would have thought possible (back when I was paving the aforementioned path of my life). He has taught me more about the Father and being Christ Like than any other human source. He has exemplified love, grace, compassion and commitment in a way that has and continues to astound me.

There would be no point introducing myself without focusing on Phil, Finn and Eddie as they make up so much of who I am. Right now I fill my days by lavishing my boys with as much love as I can give them (before going back to work as a high school English teacher takes me away from them), and also by waiting anxiously for Phil to come home from work so my heart can skip that beat and so that I can share with him the amazing things our sons have done that day! I also spend my time learning (and then forgetting and then re-learning) some lessons that God is teaching me during the relative seclusion of maternity leave and in the newly found solitude (and quite often loneliness) that comes from a job that has my husband working long hours and many nights. I will share more of this journey that I am on in subsequent posts.

So that's me: Becky or Rebecca (depending on who you are talking to!).

The flowers Fade

We have a dogwood tree that my husband planted in the backyard last year. It is amazing to see how much it has grown and the beautiful blooms that are so delightful to look upon. Yesterday was a beautiful day. Our backyard was ablaze in color from one corner to the other. I wanted to capture the beauty of each flower and bloom, knowing that soon... it will fade and how quickly the time goes by.

Julie and her family came for lunch as well as our youngest daughter, Annababe. We also enjoyed the company of our son-in-law's sister and her husband. Our son Josh, lives in North Carolina, so he was enjoying spending time with his wife and new little son at the beach. We had a fun time taking pictures in the backyard. I had received a new camera and was intent on capturing every moment. Though, I was in the moment... my thoughts drifted in and out of family back home in North Carolina. Mother's Day and other special occasions always bring back strong family memories...

As I think of how quickly time passes, I think about the experiences we have had that we think we will never forget. And yet... some things we want to remember, we cannot recall. What do we remember that has significantly impacted our lives? I remember telling someone if I could leave anything with my children, it would be my heart. To this she replied, "That is the last thing I would offer to my children." She went on to talk of how deceptive the heart is. I guess I was thinking, only the good part of my heart but realized afterward if I gave them my heart, they would get the worst part of it too. Wouldn't I be embarrassed for them to know the wickedness of my heart? Uhm, yeah... I think so. That's why God is the only one who can hold our hearts in the palm of his hand and still love us enough to die for us.

The Bible is full of verses regarding our heart... God instructs us to, "Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." Deuteronomy 11:18-19

We can hope to leave some wonderful treasures with our children someday, but the best thing we can leave them is a truth they can pass down from generation to generation. It will not get lost in a flood, earthquake, or fire or any other major disaster but will last forever. The only truth that is pure and uncorrupted is the Word of God. Everything else is going to fade away and be forgotten. I've often heard people say that when we die, we cannot take anything with us... but I am inclined to believe we can take with us our faith, hope and love and the word of God that has been instilled in our hearts.

"All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field. The grass withers and the flowers fall, because the breath of the Lord blows on them. Surely the people are grass. the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever." Isaiah 40: 7-8

If you are looking for Julie's post today, she will be posting on Thursday. I will be posting on Mondays. Thanks so much for joining us!

What Type of Seed are YOU???

I was reading in Matthew today, and came across the well-known parable of the sower. That's what inspired my picture today:

Day 141 - "The Sower"
(May 8, 2010)

There are four different types of seeds: the ones that fell on the path and were eaten by birds, the ones that fell on rock and withered in the sun, the ones that fell on thorns and were choked out, and the ones that fell on fertile soil and produced a bountiful crop.

Jesus told his disciples that the seeds on the path are like people who don't understand His word, and the devil comes and snatches it away from them. The seeds on the rock are people who gladly accepted His word, but soon fall away when persecutions and trials come. The seeds on the thorns are those who get distracted by the worries of life and are consumed by them. And lastly, the seeds on the good soil are those who hear His word and understand it.

I know I want to be a seed growing in fertile soil. What about you?

Undying Love

And this is his commandment, that we believe in the name of his Son Jesus Christ and love one another, just as he has commanded us. 1 John 3:23


We were in the Church of Santo Stefano in Assisi, Italy and saw this confession booth. I sat down on the right and half-seriously asked if my travel companions wanted to confess anything while we were here. My husband said that he would like to. Volunteering to something like this would not be typical of my husband, so I was intrigued. He humbly sat down beside me and simply stated, "I confess my undying love for you." Awww!

Undying love.
Grace to all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with an undying love. Ephesians 6:24

How can we even begin to show our love to God? Look back up at the first verse. What does He command? Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and love one another. We show love for God by loving those around us... and it starts with those closest to us. If we're married, it starts by loving our husband. If we have children, we show love to our children. If we live at home with parents and siblings, this is where it begins. From here, our love extends to the other relationships around us and even beyond those. That preferential, deep love that builds up, encourages and cherishes... that love needs to be grown and shown... at home.

Long ago, God showed me a lie that I was believing. I believed that at home, with those I love, I can be free to just relax and be me. No pretence. If I wasn't in a good mood, I didn't need to pretend, I could just be in a bad mood. If I didn't feel like being welcoming and smiling, I didn't have to, because this is family and we can all just be real.
Sounds sinister when you really think about it, doesn't it?

I'm all about not pretending. I'm all about reality. OBEDIENCE though, is what life is about. When I find myself in a bad mood, what am I going to do about it? Now I choose to admit it. I choose to turn to God and ask for His overcoming power. I lost too many moments and days - possibly even years - being lulled into thinking that if this is how I feel, this is just the way I feel. And I let myself stay there. Yikes. Wrong way to think. Life is about obeying God. I'm called to do what is right! even when I don't necessarily feeeeel like it.

1 Peter 3:8 and on, in the Message explains what love looks like.
Summing up: Be agreeable, be sympathetic, be loving, be compassionate, be humble. That goes for all of you, no exceptions. No retaliation. No sharp-tongued sarcasm. Instead, bless—that's your job, to bless. You'll be a blessing and also get a blessing.

Let's remember this: As believers, that mighty power that raised Christ Jesus from the dead - that same power - lives in us! That's some power! We, in our own strength, can't love like this and maybe can't even believe that we can love like this. We can choose though. We can choose to trust God to cause us to believe in Him. We can ask God to fill our hearts with love for those closest to us - even in their unlovable moments. God can perform the miracle of loving others through us.

We are going to a wedding on Saturday. We have several more weddings to attend this spring and summer as well. Couples will declare their love for each other and commit themselves to each other for life. We will celebrate 29 years of marriage this August. As I watched my mom care for my dad at the Menno Hospital at the end of his life, I thought, you want to be there at the end. Undying love. Marianne - Dancing Girl - you're there with Al...even to the end. What an amazing gift from God, to love throughout a lifetime. May God bless you, encourage you, and comfort you through this incredibly difficult and yet, somehow very precious time. My prayers are with you, Al and your family.

For the past few days, I have been following the news on the flooding in Nashville, Tennessee. I have some really good friends who live there. They built a beautiful home that overlooks the Cumberland River. If you have followed the news at all in the states, you will know that the Cumberland River flooded its banks and the city of Nashville has been underwater for about a week. It all happened very quickly without a lot of warning. The flood showed no favor or mercy to the people in it's path. It came upon the rich and the poor, along with the most famous music industry in North America. My friend John and his wife Sandy were involved in the music arena and John has played a significant part in our native kids camps every summer. He has come for at least the past ten years and held free concerts to the whole community. John not only held free concerts... he gave away free Cd's to all of the kids, their parents and anyone who wanted one.

John and his wife Sandee spent several years building their home. They didn't have a lot of money, so they scouted out places where they could salvage usable lumber and old antique fixtures. They checked Craig's List and yard sales and EBay. John even built his own studio out of scrap lumber. Today, his home was on the front page of USA Today and his car is submerged in water just outside of his southern style home.

If you have ever been through a flood and have been told you need to evacuate, you do not have a lot of time to decide what you can save and what you can't. The year before our youngest daughter was born, we had this experience. On this particular Thanksgiving morning, we had received warning of flooding up the valley from our home but did not think the water from the river would reach us. A lot of people were sand bagging along the river, including my husband just for precaution. But... just in case, I decided to go outside and bring in bicycles, toys, chainsaws, lawnmowers, and anything else I didn't want to lose. We lived in a mobile home at the time with a porch addition that was quickly filling up with stuff! After a while, my husband came home and said they had done all they could. We went through the house putting things up on the table and counter tops. I grabbed pictures from the wall and those I had in boxes, my guitar and a few other valued things I could get into the truck. We received word we needed to evacuate immediately. I remember leaving the house and thinking, "Will any of this look the same when I come back home?" My husband drove us to a friends house who lived above the valley floor. We left the kids and drove back to our house and grabbed a few more things and stopped by to check on our neighbor. Her husband had died many years before and she lived alone. She did not want to leave her place but we pleaded with her to come with us. By the time we finally convinced her to come, the water was lapping at the door of our truck as we drove through town.

We learned a lot during that experience. We learned that life is more important than things. We experienced the kindness of people we knew, and that of strangers. We learned that people are blessed when they can help someone else. We learned that worrying will not change a thing. We learned that you can begin again. We learned that there are those who love carrying our burdens for us. And there are so many other things we learned during that time of God's love and faithfulness. God gives us great joy when we help someone who is in desperate need and cannot help themselves.

As we think about those today who are hurting or in situations that are desperate, let us pray for them. It could be a sorrowful heart that needs healing or a health issue or sickness. You probably have someone in your life that needs your prayers. Maybe, even... you need prayer. If you do.... Psalm 86: 1-17 is a prayer of David. Parts of it might apply to your life today.

Hear, O Lord, and answer me, for I am poor and needy. Guard my life for I am devoted to You. You are my God; save your servant who trusts in You. Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I call to You all day long. Bring joy to your servant, for to You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.

You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to You. Hear my prayer, O Lord; listen to my cry for mercy. In the day of my trouble I will call to You, for you will answer me.

Among the gods there is none like You, O Lord; no deeds can compare with Yours. All the nations You have made will come and worship before You, O Lord; they will bring glory to Your name. For You are great and do marvelous deeds; You alone are God.

Teach me your way, O Lord and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart that I may fear Your name. I will praise You, O Lord God, with all my heart; I will glorify Your name forever. For great is your love toward me; You have delivered me from the depths of the grave.

The arrogant are attacking me, O God; a band of ruthless men seeks my life... men without regard for you. But You, O Lord are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.

Turn to me and have mercy on me; grant Your strength to Your servant and save the son of your maidservant. Give me a sign of your goodness that my enemies may see it and be put to shame, for You, O Lord, have helped me and comforted me.

Uncertainty...

Well, today is my day to post, and to be honest with you, I really am not feeling up to it. Today is the day that I was supposed to find out some news that will determine the course of my career (a course that I thought was already laid out for me). However, I haven't heard as of yet. I am discouraged. I am also confused as to what path it is that God wants me to take. I know that His hand is in this, but I am too "in it" right now to be able to see clearly. So, if you would allow me, I will save today's post for when I have heard the news and will be more accurately able to share with you the path that He has me on, or will move me onto!

So Long, Insecurity...Week 9

It's my day to write.  I haven't really felt like it.  I guess that's okay.  I'm still slowly working my way through the book...and it's still really, really good.  I read chapter 14.  And I didn't answer the question on last week's post like I said I would, so I think I'll do it here.  In a nutshell.....If anybody on this planet motivates me to deal with my insecurity issues for their sake...it's my daughter...and my son for that matter. I think God works in mysterious ways and even if I didn't have kids...I'm sure I'd still be on this journey, but you know what?  Learning what I've been learning, I'm even more inspired to get my identity totally lined up with what God says about me.  For Him, for me, for my husband, for my kids, for the rest of my family and every other person that the Lord brings into my path.  Having said that...I will admit to you, I've been put to the test a bit this past week.  And although, I didn't like it, I'm doing okay.

I realize that I've got a long way to go...but that's the direction I'm going, so I ask the Lord to help me keep my mind focused on the truth of His Word.  I set my face toward Him.  He is my Strength and my Song.  He is my Fortress.  He is my Deliverer.  He is worthy of my praise.  Oh, how I love Him.  Can't stand the thought of not being with Him.  Lay my head against His chest and listen to His beautiful heart beating.  He is my Saviour.  He is my Security.  Praise His Name forever.  Amen.

To my Soul Kitchen Sisters...every word from each of you is such a tremendous encouragement to me.  I can't thank Jesus enough for the blessing of your lives and being able to listen to your heart every day.  It's not as good as being with you but seriously, its like being with you.  It's a little heavenly bon-bon for me...and it's good.

On to chapter 15.  Here is Beth's question for the week:

I wish we could discuss all of Chapter 15 in person but this is the next best thing. Name a couple of ways pertinent to your sphere of life and influence that you could look out for your own gender in our battle with insecurities. In other words, how can you (not others but you in particular) start becoming part of the solution in your female relationships rather than default into part of the problem. No condemnation here. Goodness knows, we’ve all been both. Our challenge is to learn to be deliberate. How are you prepared to do that?

Day 122 - "Through the Looking Glass"

When God takes a magnifying glass and examines our hearts, what does He see?
I bet He sees brokenness, dark places where we hide our secrets... but He doesn't leave it that way. He scoops out the sin and cleanses our hearts with His love and grace, leaving us pure and blameless. We just have to let Him do it.