My Heart is Full

I don't know where to start today. Anonymity is hard to keep when one's experience has become fairly well known. And I don't think anonymity is a good servant all the time. So my recent experiences, as I share about them, may give away my identity. That's okay with me.

Like I said, I don't know where to start. My heart is full of praise and thanksgiving. Maybe that's enough to say for today. My soul magnifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Saviour, for he who is mighty has done great things for me and holy is his name.

I learned yesterday that a lump in my breast is just a cyst. "Nothing to worry about" were the words of the ultrasound technician. This is great news, but it is not the reason I am rejoicing. As I lay on the examination table, my heart was not pounding, I was not sweating or shaking. Hearing the good news did not fill me with a huge sense of relief. It was what it was. The Lord had so comforted me, loved on me, and used the preceding time of the unknown to prepare me, strengthen me, and fill me with trust in him and desire for his will to be done through me that I was ready to praise him for having cancer.

That is amazing to me. That is peace that passes my understanding, and it is real. I can honestly say that I never had to work at not being afraid. I just wasn't. The hardest part was seeing my family anxious and hurting, but I was the recipient of a joy and peace that was not my own. What a gift. What an amazing, wonderful God! It is hard to express my gratitude with my own words. I am thankful the Spirit intercedes for me in these times.

I do not know the full ramifications of this month long experience in my world, but I know that I am not the same.

My deep desire is for you to know joy and peace in believing in Jesus Christ, that he will make you glad with the joy of his presence. May you trust in the Lord, and through his steadfast, unfailing love, remain unmoved. You belong to him and he is so very good.

Be Happy!

This is the day that the LORD has made
Let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Psalm 118:24

I remember back to when I was young and first married. One day as my husband kissed me goodbye as he went off to work before I did, he said, "Have a good day."
"How can I have a good day when I'm not happy," I responded with a frown.
"Be happy," he replied.
"Humph, 'be happy.' I'm not happy." I muttered.
Then he said something I had never considered, "Choose to be happy."
Shaking my head at his naivety, I informed him, "You can't just choose to be happy. You either are or you're not. You can't help what you feel!"

He left for work, and I was left thinking. Could I simply choose to be happy? What about my feelings. Do I just pretend to be happy... deny my feelings?

If I wasn't happy about my circumstances, I wasn't happy. I've learned over the years though, that it's about so much more than the temporary, in my face, about me and my wishes circumstances. If that's what it were about, yes, we'd have most days or greater parts of each day being down. But life is about God, His purposes, His love for us, His goodness, His glory, and our hope of glory... all the eternal things that are sure. And since this is true, we have every reason to be happy... to rejoice!

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!
Philippians 4:4

Rejoice in the LORD and be glad, you righteous;
sing all you who are upright in heart!
Psalm 32:11

And for those who feel they can't sing the ESV says it the following way:

Be glad in the LORD and rejoice, O righteous,
and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!
Psalm 32:11

Glory in his holy name;
let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice!
1 Chronicles 16:10

Life is a whole lot more fun when approached with a joyful spirit and a thankful heart. God is good!

Be happy...and smile!

Are you "shaken" or "shaking"?

Quite a few years ago, our family was offered a place to rest for a week at a cottage on the beach in the San Juan Islands.  It sounded pretty exciting!  Even the drive and ferry ride was an excitement to the kids.  It was free!  All we had to do was get there.  We knew absolutely nothing about where we were going or would be staying.  We just knew it was a house on the beach and the kids could play in the sand.

We had driven all day and fortunately was able to catch the last ferry to the island.  As we arrived, it was moving on towards dusk and we knew that we had to find our contact person to get the key to the house.  It was such a cute little town and I could hardly wait to explore it the next day.  I was eager to check out all of the antique shops and gift stores.  The kids could hardly wait to get on the beach to look for sea shells and hidden treasures.

We found our contact person and got the key...We had been told we needed to hurry though, because it was hard to find the path in the dark.  You mean we can't just drive up to the house?  "Oh, no," she said,   " You park on the hill and follow the path down to the house."  Actually, once we got there, it was quite a  walk from the car to the house with all of the luggage, food, and  beach accessories for the kids.  The house was sitting  on stilts and it was backed up to a bank.  If you looked out the windows on the backside, all you could see was dirt and weeds.  The windows on the front faced the ocean and it was a beautiful view.  It was a very rustic cabin and sparsely furnished.  I noticed though that there was only one door going into the cabin.  As I looked around,  the side bank came out far enough to enable the owners to build steps and a landing to the door and then steps going down to the beach.  

We unpacked, ate a light dinner and settled in for the night.  As I pulled the covers around me, I could hear the sound of the ocean crashing against the bank underneath the cabin.  It took a while for me to go to sleep.  We were awakened around 2 o'clock in the morning by the wind and the shaking of the house.  A storm had developed during the night and had increased in intensity.  As the thunder boomed and lightning flashed all around us.... the kids woke up and came running to the living room where we were.  We had gotten up to check and see if we could find candles if we lost power.  The ocean had brought in huge pieces of wood that kept hitting against the stilts of the house.  Each time they hit, it seemed like the cabin moved... The ocean was in full force as the waves crashed against the shore, underneath us and around us.  I went to the door and looked out.  There was no landing to see, no steps... when the lightning came, we could tell that we were completely surrounded by water.  There was no way out.   

Sleeping was not an option anymore at this point.  None of us could even think about going back to sleep.  As we listened to the rumble and roar of the storm, we prayed for safety and calmness.  Here we were, our first night of "rest," and my heart was pounding as I prayed that the cabin would stay on those stilts.  I'm sure the dwelling had weathered many storms such as this one, yet all I could think of was getting through the night and wondering if this would be the storm that carried us and the cabin out into the ocean.  

I guess my fears weren't too unfounded as I asked someone in the village the next day why the cabin we were staying in was the only one on the beach.  "Oh," she said, "Storms took the other ones out.  There were quite a few houses on the beach but they are now gone."

Sometimes,  a storm appears in our life that we have no control of.  It can leave us "shaking" with fear.  As I was reading Psalm 62 this morning, the word "shaken" caught my attention.  

As we prayed during the storm on the beach that night, our family rested in God alone.  We trusted Him to be our rock and our fortress, our safe place.  

My soul finds rest in God alone;

My salvation comes from Him.

He alone is my rock and my salvation;

He is my fortress,  I will never be shaken.

Psalm 62:1-2

God is not just our protector in a storm... He is the salvation of our hearts.  We find peace and rest in His love.  He is our strength, our helper.  His promises are true... He is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

 

Jesus My Joy...Part 2

Goodmorning Sisters and Brothers....

I'm glad you've joined me in the kitchen. As I look out the window, I smile to myself and say, "The sun is not shining...it's too wet to play...but Jesus is still my Joy on this cold, wet, rainy day."

Last week I wrote about Jesus being my Joy. I have been working through some painful areas in my heart that He has been showing to me as I pray and seek Him...things that are deep rooted and need healing. As I was working in my flower beds last week, I was thinking, "why is it that the weeds always show up first?" It's spring...I want to see flowers. I thought of all the weeds that I pull up out of my garden...some of them are easy to see right big and showy, growing up in an open space and I yank them out...others are tucked right into the plant and it feels like I'm doing surgery to remove it as not to rip up the flower roots right along with it. Some of the weeds I pull just keep coming back over and over because I've pulled the top off so they don't make my garden look ugly but I failed to get the roots. After a while....those roots get really deep and its a lot harder to get them out. I believe this is a word picture of my heart, and Jesus the master gardener has been waiting for me to ask Him to pull some weeds.

A few days after I posted last week...a dear sister emailed me and questioned some things that I had written. I was grateful that she did because I went back and re-read my post and agreed with her. What I was trying to get across was worded in a way that said something totally different. Let's take a look:

I have been asking God to reveal His truth to me...to show me areas in my own heart, my inner being, my soul, that are not well and need healing so that I can be free and beautiful in His eyes. I want to dance in freedom before His throne, be a daughter bringing joy to her heavenly Father...I want to serve without hinderance and love without reserve....

Dear one...Jesus does want to heal you from anything in your life (sin, hurts, unforgiveness, or lies that you have believed)...anything that shows up like a weed in your heart sucking life and nutrients out of the garden of your heart. But you are already beautiful in His eyes...with or without the weeds and believe me, until we get to heaven, there will always be some weeds. Jesus loves you the way you are. He doesn't ask you to get your life together before you come to Him. If you have given your heart to Him...He has made you free...and you bring Him much joy. And you still bring Him joy when He shows you things in your life that need working on. I think what I was trying to say last week...but didn't word it quite right was that the things in my life that need healing keep me from joy. He has joy in me because I am his beloved daughter. But when I hold on to 'weeds' in my life, they rob me of dancing with joy and freedom before His throne. The weeds entangle me and I feel held back.

Jesus is our Joy and we are His. Give Him all of you so that you may grow and dance in joy and freedom.

You are precious.

Today, I am thinking about sounds. Not just all the differing sounds that greet our ears everyday, but the way sounds influence us, particularly our emotions. Sounds can arouse anger (kids fighting), frustration (snoring in your ear when all you want to do is sleep), curiosity (an unexpected doorbell), anticipation (gurgling coffee maker or boiling kettle), happiness (laughter in your house). They can cause us to be sad, embarrased, afraid, excited, thankful. Sounds can rile us up or calm us down. Sounds that are agreeable to some may be obnoxious to others. Sounds can trigger the remembering of past experiences, painful or pleasant.

Interesting. We are feafully and wonderfully made.

This thinking all started this morning wih the sweet sound of singing I heard coming up the stairs from my daughter below as she got ready for work. "I sing for joy at the work of your hands. Forever I'll love you. Forever I'll stand. Nothing compares to the promise I have in you." It roused in me delight, thanksgiving, and a desire to worship along with her. I thought of sounds I never tire of hearing - smooching lips, whispered I Love Yous, the word "Mom", the key in the door as my people come home, laughter, the name "Jesus", the gentle crunch of my duvet as I settle in for a night's sleep.

But there's a sound that I can hardly wait to hear. One that stirs my heart just to imagine it. One that I've never heard before and don't know when I will. This sound will be the only thing that matters at the time.

"For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord." 1 Thessalonians 4:16-17


What will his command be? What does the voice of an archangel sound like? And the trumpet? I believe it will be unmistakeable to those of us who are waiting to hear it. What emotions will this sound arouse? I anticpate thrilling excitement, deepest joy, overwhelming amazement, pure wonder "...when he comes on that day to be glorified in his saints, and to be marveled at among all who have believed." 2 Thessalonians 1:10

Are you listening?

A Princess for Today

Girls of all ages are drawn to princesses. To their beauty, grace, elegance, their gowns, and of course...the crown. For it's the crown that makes us know for sure that she's a princess. How many little princesses have come to my door on Halloween for candy, their facing glowing through makeup, wearing their beautiful gown and tiara.

As we get older, graduation, weddings, Christmas parties, maybe as a bride ourselves, we dress up and express what's inside of us - the desire to be a beautiful princess. We're not delusional in dreaming of this or wishing for this. In fact, you are a modern day princess. Most people don't know it - and maybe you aren't aware of it - but it's true. As a daughter of the Most High God, and an heir with Christ Jesus, you are royalty. And you have a crown to prove it!

Let's take the crown out of the glass case and oooh and aaahh over it, OK?

who redeems your life from the pit

who crowns you with love and compassion

Psalm 103:4

For the LORD takes delight in his people;

he crowns the humble with salvation.

Psalm 149:4

and provide for those who grieve in Zion -

to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,

the oil of gladness instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,

a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.

Isaiah 61:3

As I see the contrasts in these passages - rescued from the pit to being crowned, the humbled being raised up and crowned, beauty rising up out of the ashes - don't a lot of the fairy tales echo the truth of Scripture? God has done so much for His children, for those who can now call Him Father because of Christ's work on the cross so we can have forgiveness.

Kathryn Scott's song At The Foot Of The Cross (Ashes to Beauty) really hits the message home for me.

Trade these ashes in for beauty

and wear forgiveness like a crown

Wear forgiveness like a crown. I imagine that after dressing in the morning, doing the hair and makeup thing, I put on the crown...of forgiveness. The greatest thing I take pleasure in. A marvelous crown of beauty set with stones of love and compassion... pure grace. And I stand up taller and walk throughout the day aware of my crown, being careful not to be careless and have it fall off. Remembering what God has done for me.

What beautiful princesses we would be if we wore forgiveness like a crown. People would see us being kind and gracious, generous of heart, compassionate and loving. And our Father, THE KING, would get all the glory. May this be so!

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5&6

I was raised on this verse. It was my Dad's life verse. Above the family room fireplace, the wood mantle piece was boldly engraved with the words Trust in the Lord. As I look at these four words, I can't think of a better, wiser way to live life.

A couple of lines from an old hymn are in my mind as I meditate on Proverbs 3:5&6.

Oh what peace we often forfeit,
Oh what needless pain we bear,
all because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer.

I have a story from my week that I think applies.
I have been struggling with a lot of pain in my teeth for the last couple of weeks. Well, it's actually been longer than that. At first I thought it was just gum sensitivity to hot and cold but by this week it was at the most random times when I wasn't eating or drinking anything.

For about the last week I had pain radiating along my jaw, and extending from my ear down my neck. I couldn't really isolate from where the pain was originating until Tuesday. I knew then... and just felt like ripping out that tooth - bottom right, 2nd from the back. I couldn't stand it anymore. I called the dentist that day, and since I got an appointment for the next day and had pain killers, I thought I'd try him first.

The next day at the dentist, after x-rays and his tapping on my teeth to find which one hurt - uh...every one of them! - he determined that it was the upper right, 4th one. An hour later, I left the dentist office with a lopsided frozen mouth and a root canal. More procedures to follow, but the pain was gone.

If I didn't have access to a dentist, didn't believe in dentists, or was too impatient to wait, my bottom right... 2nd from the back... tooth would be gone and I'd still have the same problem and pain. I'd actually have more of a problem.

In our country with our medical system, that wouldn't be as likely to happen as the generation of my parents when they lived in Russia, or those now living in third world countries. This unfortunately though, is exactly how we in our generation and culture deal with other suffering and pain we have. We figure it out on our own and deal with it on our own. Maybe it's because we don't really trust that God cares about how we feel. Sometimes it's that we don't want to do it His way because it will require something of us that we are unwilling to do.

May we see the futility of this way of thinking and acting, though, as ineffective as pulling out a wrong tooth. May God help us to trust Him. May we lean into Him instead of doing it our own way. God promises to be with us and to help us. He cares. He loves us.