So Long, Insecurity...Week...Uhmmm...What week is it?

Well...How do I put this?  I've fallen behind.  I thought about staying up really late so I could finish the homework and move us on to the next week, but I just changed my mind.  One of my insecurity roots is "perfectionism"...I don't like to drop the ball and let everyone know it at the same time!

I think the old, 'more insecure' me would have chosen to stay up half the night so as not to let you down.  However, the new 'less insecure' me is willing to sacrifice letting you down and me looking bad in order to get the very best out of this journey.

Not an excuse, but a little explanation:  This week was one of my crazier weeks.  Do you ever have those?  It was a great week but it just felt like there weren't enough days or time in the days for me to get done all the things I love doing and all the things that need doing.  My son turned 14.  I get weird around my kids birthdays.  I get sentimental, maybe a little emotional, a little scatter brained (or should I say more scatter brained than normal).  Keeping schedules, appointments, meal planning and grocery shopping becomes ridiculously trying as I struggle to maintain composure through the 'where has time gone?' running through my mind.  Seriously, its weird.  Add that to a full schedule and you've got something close to crazy.  I've also been reading up on how to have a more organized life!

Anyway...as I continue to learn through this journey, I want to make every moment count.  I don't want to rush though anything just to get it done when its as important as this.  I am able to connect with many of you here and there throughout the week and hear bits of your journey.  I love that.  However,  I would love to hear more of you sharing where you are at on the blog just so that others besides me would be encouraged.   Many of you have just started the So Long, Insecurity Journey and are a few weeks behind us on the study questions,  I am so thrilled that you are doing it!   Many of you have already bought your tickets for Beth Moore's Live Simulcast on the 24th...so awesome.  I can't wait for that.  I have been thinking that I would love to have a little get together at my house for any of you that would like to come.  Sisters Unite!!  Yeah.  If you want to come to my house for coffee and a little So Long, Insecurity girl talk...let me know and we'll try and do it before the 24th.

So...we've got an extra week to do last weeks chapters 10 and 11.  And just so you know, I have an appointment on Thursday to meet with a counselor concerning some of the roots in my life that I've prayed over but have struggled to get rid of.  So, if you think about it, you can pray for me and the counselor that day.  May the Holy Spirit bring discernment and truth and God's grace bring healing in my heart and life.

Father God,  Thank you for my sisters that are also in this journey.  We desire greatly Lord to be free of any hinderance in our lives that holds us back from being or doing what you have called us to be.  Thank you for what you have been teaching each one of us.  Lord, show us how to take what you've given us and use it to encourage those around us who are also struggling with insecurity and their identity.  Lord, we know that You are the source of our security.  Your love for us is not dependent on our gender, our race, our heritage, our financial status, our education, our physical appearance, our gifts, our abilities, our performance or any other thing that makes us 'feel' significant.  We are secure because you love us like no one else can love us.  Thank you, Jesus.  Holy Spirit, teach us and reveal to us what we need to know, help us to believe.  Amen.

I love you girls.
Julie

Have you ever wanted something so badly that you could not focus or think about anything else but that particular thing? You prayed to God over and over again.... pleading with Him to answer your prayer. I can remember times I have prayed, "Please, God... please... please hear my prayer, please answer my prayer." And then turn around and pray the same thing a few minutes later as though God did not hear me the first time.

Waiting is often one of the hardest things to do. But, it is profitable! Sometimes in just the waiting, our prayer is answered. We see the things we would have never seen if God had answered our prayer the way we had anticipated in our mind. I hope I am not too hard to follow here... I will give you an illustration... hopefully, my daughter will not mind.

For the past month or so, my grandson had been trying out for rugby. This was his first year so the game was new to him. It is new to me too, although I have heard of it but never actually seen it played. There were so many kids who had come to tryouts, the coach set up an A-line and a B-line. The A-line being the team all of the kids were hoping to be on. Our grandson really wanted to be on the A-line team. He worked hard, pushed himself... gave every ounce of energy he had into making the team. We prayed for him. You know how that goes.... "God, please, please, please let him make the A-line." The evening before the coach was to tell the kids which team they would be on, my daughter called me and said you need to pray... the coach is making a decision and the kids will know tomorrow. So, as you can guess... I prayed selfishly, for my grandson to make the A-line team. The next day, brought about much disappointment when he found out, he had not made the anticipated A-line team but would be on the B-line.

The coach gave the reasoning that even though he was a good player, he did not have the experience some of the other kids had who had played rugby and that if he put him on the A-line team, he would be a substitute and would not be in the start up, meaning, he would spend most of his time on the bench. By putting him on the B-line team... he would always be playing and getting the experience he needed.  Even though, the coach had good reasoning in placing our grandson on the team he did, and it all sounded good in theory... it did not take away the disappointment that followed.

After praying, for him, and mind you.... the focus of our prayers now began to change significantly... Instead of "God, please, please, please let him make the A-line", I began to pray for his true character to shine through. I prayed that he would accept this position and give it his best. As he struggle through the disappointment... he made a choice to be there for his team and to give it his all." Many of his good friends had made the A team so he had fought deep disappointment when he realized that he would not be playing with them.

I was out of town for his first game but my daughter shared with me the excitement of watching him play. The coach had made him captain and asked him to speak with the team and encourage them before the game. He pulled the kids together and gave them a pep talk.  They played hard, but they lost.  "He played his heart out," she told me. "He gave it everything he had."  And we were so proud.

The next day, the coach approached him and told him he wanted him on the A-line team and that he would not be subbing... he would be starting. Had God answered my prayer in the "fast food" line... my grandson would still be sitting on the bench watching his buddies play. Instead, God had something different planned for him that would show his true character... things the coach would have never seen if he had not put him on the B-line first.

Julie and I talked about the things we pray for sometimes... often selfishly. I am so glad that Jesus knows our thoughts, what we are praying for, what we are thinking about. I think He sometimes says to us, "you know not what you are asking." None of us know the path God has chosen for us. We want to see an easy way out... but often... the hardships make us stronger. Our prayers are sometimes intertwined and mingled with fear. That is why Jesus intercedes for us because he knows sometimes we are not thinking clearly. The Bible tells us that the Holy Spirit and Jesus speaks to the Father for us...

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:26-28

Christ Jesus who died... more than that, who was raised to life... is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Romans 8:34b

The Commission to Faith

Lord, today I accept my calling,

not to perfection or performance.

My calling is to faith.

I have been chosen for this generation.

I have a place in the heritage of faith.

I'm going to stop wishing and whining,

and start believing and receiving

what your word says is mine.

I won't let others steal my hope.

I won't argue with a Pharisee.

I will believe, and therefore, speak

for you, my God, are huge.

Our world needs your wonders.

Rise up, O Lord!

Please renew your works in our day.

I confess the unbelief of my generation

and ask You to begin Your revival of faith

in my own heart.

For You are who you say You are.

You can do what You say You can do.

I am who You say I am.

I can do all things through Christ.

Your word is alive and active in me.

Satan, hear me clearly:

My Father is Maker of heaven and earth.

You are under my feet,

because today, and the rest of my days,

I'm believing GOD!!!

-Beth Moore

AMEN!!! I did a Beth Moore bible study a while ago called Believing God. This was the insert at the back of the work book. I love it. It reminds me of what is true and who I am. Beth gave us the five statement pledge of faith, which is written above. You're supposed to hold your hand out in a fist, and as you say each statement raise one finger at a time, starting with your thumb (the thumb is supposed to be on the outside of your fist - basic punching technique... in case you wanted to know):

1) (thumb) You are who You say you are.

2) (pointer finger) You can do what You say You can do.

3) (middle finger) I am who You say I am.

4) (ring finger) I can do all things through Christ.

5) (pinky) Your Word is alive and active in me.

Then, as you have your shield of faith raised up (your hand) you say, with vigor, I'm believing God!

Try it. It's a good reminder :)

God bless you in your day!!

I am really excited! I am sitting in my bed at 12:24 pm (I'm not being lazy. I have been up since 7am!!), my house is quiet and I am going to spend some time with the Lord. I have little kids. This NEVER happens. I was talking with a friend of mine and explaining that I am not sure if it is legitimate to say that because of my kids (I have one who is 4 years old and one who is 6 months) I have little time to spend reading the Bible or conversing with God, or if I have been using them as an excuse to not do these things. My friend, who has three kids of her own (the eldest being 4 years and the youngest being 3 months), offered to take my youngest while our two oldest are in preschool on Tuesday afternoons. That means that I have 2 and 1/2 hours by myself to spend with God - however I choose to do that. In return, I will take her two youngest kids while our oldest are at preschool on Thursday afternoons. Brilliant! So today is the first of those Tuesdays for me. What a HUGE blessing and a great way to keep me intentional (and also accountable to my friend) about spending time growing in my relationship with Jesus. Consequently, please excuse the brief nature of this post, as I am about to dive in to Leviticus. Before I had my baby 6 months ago, I was spending time each day reading through the Bible and taking notes. Note taking is the only way for what I read to sink in. I planned to work my way through the Bible. I got as far as Leviticus when my baby was born, and to be honest, I have not resumed since. So here I go. Leviticus - oisch! I have to be honest, I can't wait until I am done this book. Has anyone had any epiphanic moments as they have read through this book? If so, I could really use some wisdom - or even just a small glimmer of light to shine from what has always seemed to me to be a book of such dense and arduous lists. Anyway, here I go. Despite being a little dubious about how much I will glean from my reading today, I realize that God speaks through His word - ALL of His word. As I sit and enjoy the blessed time my friend has given me, I pray that God will use a book that historically I have not been receptive to, and will make it and the lessons that He has for me come alive.

So Long, Insecurity...Week Six!

Wow...Six Weeks already.  It sounds like a long time but it doesn't feel like it's been that long.  As we continue to grow together, I thank God for you.  It is a blessing and a privilege for me to journey this life with such precious and beautiful women.  The week got busy and I never did answer Beth's questions on the blog last week.  However...I will tell you now, Jesus and I certainly got down to business.  Last week, Beth said, "Don't just read chapter 9...Do chapter 9".  And I did.  I met with Jesus and for 3 hours I prayed through some areas in my life.  I cried alot.  I thank God for never giving up on me.  I actually wrote alot of it down on paper.  I recognized things and patterns of thinking that seem 'normal' to me after living that way for so long.  I am becoming more aware of my identity in Christ and my spirit is sensitive to understanding how much my security depends on that one truth!  I was incredibly moved by Marianne's post on Friday night and realize how desperately Jesus wants us to know who we are because of who He is.  Again, as I read Marianne Bohr's (Dancing Girl) post earlier today...it hit me again.  Everything beautiful in me, every hardship I have survived, every battle I have won, every day I get up and grow on...is because the One who loves my heart wants my heart and sacrificed His life for mine.  He conquered death and the grave and He lives!  His Life and His Light shines before me.  He breaks the chains that have held me bound.  His freedom lives in me.  He is guiding me as I learn to look past myself and see Him.

Before I give you the homework for this week...I pray these truths for you and for me.  May we stand on what is true.  Let us renew our minds and be filled with what is secure.  May our identity come from the One who loves us like no other...our Faithful One.

Galatians 5:1
For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. ESV

I have been a slave to insecurity.  Jesus Christ has set me free.

2 Corinthians 9:8
And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things, at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.  NIV

God is able to turn an insecure girl into a secure one, so that in all things, at all times, having all that I need, I can securely do what God has called me to do.

2 Peter 1:3-4
His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire. ESV

Through his divine power living in me, I can securely make decisions and handle what is set before me. Through his word and by his power I am becoming more like Christ.  I am able to let go of my insecurities and hold on to my security through my God given identity.

Thank you Jesus.

I'm excited to go on.  Here we are at chapters 10 and 11.

Your assignment for this week is to read CHAPTERS 10 AND 11 and answer the following question:
1. Based on Chapter 10, in all truthfulness, has your historical tendency been to view men (generally speaking) as gods? Or devils?

2. Based on Chapter 10 and your own day-to-day observances, what differences do you see between men’s insecurities and women’s?

3. On p.208 in Chapter 11, I suggest that women who struggle with insecurity tend to be particularly taken with 2 divine attributes: omnipotence and omniscience. Did either of these resonate with you? If so, how?

Ordinary days

Dear sisters:
This week has been a bit ordinary in some ways. I am asking the Lord to let me hear Him in the ordinary. By ordinary I think I mean the repetitive, you know the things that I do every day, day in and day out. Lately, it is "Lord, what can Al tolerate for lunch, snacks, super?" He can tolerate so little these days, because his Gastric Intestinal system is shot from the chemo and lack of immunity due to his leukemia. Sometimes, I wonder if I am not addicted to adrenalin rushes, even in every day life. If something exciting like God appointments, special connections, out of the ordinary plans to look forward to do, like a visit, a game, phone call, etc., I get to feeling guilty, restless and like I am wasting time. I think God needs to provide me with excitement every minuet of the day in order to make me think I live a significant life for God. The thrill of meeting up with someone in church who might need me can also be disappointing when it is just "ordinary". Last night (Sunday) there was nothing worth while on TV after the news and Al didn't have energy to play scrabble, and I didn't feel like reading. I started to get restless and wanted to eat to assuage that yukie feeling. "Lord, please speak to me!" Al was getting ready for bed and I often stay up later. But I heard Him say, "join Al and sit up in bed and I will speak to you." (We have mechanical bed's; I can sit up while Al lays flat). After all the evening prep, I crawled into bed, raised it up and got my Bible out. He spoke to me so comfortingly through His Word. John 10:27 "My sheep recognize my voice; I know them, and they follow me." I felt comforted because He knows us, knows me, and I do follow Him. Then the fog (I think it was tired thinking disease) cleared, and I began to realize how each day was special, I had some heavy duty phone calls, where He was with me; someone invited my daughter and I to lunch yesterday; and Good Friday and Sunday services were such a blessing! Most of all, I gave praise for ordinary days, because all along in these "ordinary" days, I rested; got ideas for Al's meals; and could do my exercises without too much pain. I don't need to be so hard on myself, thinking that if I rest, have no big plans, or watch a favorite program that I am wasting time. God is not hard on me, so why do I do such a good job of that myself? I was comforted with "in quietness and confidence shall be your strength." ( Isaiah 30:15 KJV). Oh yes, today, Easter Monday our families are coming for turkey dinner, and I am praying that it will be a time we will all find a spirit of thankfulness in the fact that the Resurrection of Christ makes even ordinary days into extra - ordinary! God bless you. Dancing Girl

Faithful to the End

We recently returned from a fabulous trip in Italy. As I think of the most memorable highlight that left the greatest impression on me, I'd have to choose our visit to Assisi. The moment would be in the relic chapel in the Basilica of St. Francis. I had my Rick Steves' Italy 2010 travel guide with me (don't leave home without it) and was following his self-guided tour of the Basilica.

In this chapel of relics, I saw a prayer that St. Francis had written to Brother Leo. At the end of the prayer, St. Francis had a simple tau cross as his signature. Rick Steves writes on page 558, "The last letter in the Hebrew alphabet, tav ("tau" in Greek) is symbolic of faithfulness to the end. Francis signed his name with this simple capital-T-shaped character."

How's that for St. Francis understanding his identity? He so identified with Christ's faithfulness that he adopted the tau cross as his personal signature. This has deeply impressed me. I bought a small wooden tau cross as a souvenir and still need to hang it up somewhere where I will be reminded that this is also my identity. Christ's unending faithfulness will keep me; He will even keep me faithful to the end. Wow.

As we celebrate Easter this weekend, we see the faithfulness of Christ to the end. He was faithful - even to death on a cross.
Jesus prayed, "Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done." Luke 22:42 This Easter weekend - and every day following - no matter how difficult the path is, I want to bow before the Father and have my prayer be, "Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done."

Today, instead of signing my name as Amity or Marianne, I simply close with this: T