A look through the lens

Oh how fun to be able to share a bit more personally with you today. Wait a minute. That's not really an accurate way to put that, because I, and the rest of the Soul Sisters, have shared our deepest hearts as we've written here over the past 15 months. We've connected on the deepest level with one main commonality - the Love of Jesus and His Word - and how that affects every aspect of our life. With anonymity though, we haven't been able to share all heart with you. We haven't connected on the many other levels that make up our lives. So now, as we revamp Soul Kitchen, we still have our pen names (which are so very much more to us than pen names) but we get to let you know who we are in the world where we walk, serve, shop, love, work and play.

Today, we're going to do what we often do when we meet together with friends. We're going to catch up on life. Oh, and I brought some pictures, too. This is for you, Kim, since it's the pictures that attract you when you visit blog sites.


This is me and my husband Bruce. Our story begins when I moved to Abbotsford from Burnaby. I was the new girl in grade nine and he fell for me the first day. I didn't notice him in the sea of new faces but it didn't take long for me to notice him. I'd catch his eye on me... all the time!

Funny story. We sat together in typing class in grade 9. We had these conversations about how useless typing class was. "What do they think? We're all going to be secretaries and need to know how to type?" I know this dates us... puts us in the "antique" category, but that's the way it was. Oh, how life has changed.

Skip forward to grade 10. We were 16. It was Valentine's Day and we had this thing called "Hush Day" at our school. Everyone received a red construction paper heart that day. The goal for the girls on that morning was to keep their heart by not talking to any boys. The boy's objective was to try to get a girl to talk to him and then he'd get to take her heart. The goal for the guys was to collect as many hearts as they could so they'd win this competition. I was determined not to loose my heart but someone caught me off guard and I said something. Not surprising.

After lunch, it was our turn as girls to compete for the most hearts. I made a bee-line to Bruce before any other girl could get to him. I didn't even try to pretend.
"Can I have your heart?" I asked him directly.
"Sure," he said and handed me that particularly precious red paper heart.
Back then he was a man of few words... same height as I was then and still am ... and I outweighed him. I'm not exaggerating! That was 32 years ago, and I'm still smitten with him. I'm kind of glad he grew a bit too!


This is our 3 1/2 year old grandson. The pet name that comes out of my mouth more than any other is "My Little Friend."
I love the socks on his hands.They came in handy later to pick up worms off the wet driveway. A whole new world has opened up to Mathias with being able to ride a bike. With the Olympics on right now, Mathias has declared that his favourite sport is riding his bike! He is a joy and truly is my little friend.


This is Lucia. She's 1 1/2 going on four. There is nothing this little girl can't do. Well, she can't say "Grandma." When Mathias was little he just called me "Mamma." That was close enough for him, but Lucia knows better. Therefore, she usually doesn't call me anything. Sometimes though, when Kim is gone, she just calls me Mommy. Lately, I've been referring to myself as "Mamma" when I'm talking to her, then she calls me "Mamma." I think it's a good idea because the last time she tried to call me Grandma, she called me Damma.

Do you want to see a few more pictures? Once you give a Grandma a little indulgence, it's hard to get her to stop. Oh, and I'm open to comments today that say something like, "Your grandkids are sooooo cute!!!!!!!!!" Or anything close will do.


Here's Kim with her husband Jared and Mathias. She's our firstborn. You can't see her tummy, but she's expecting her third in April.
We were all watching the Olympic opening ceremonies.


The girl in the purple is our second daughter, Kelly. She's married to Chris, the guy stretched out on the couch featuring the white socks. They'll have been married 3 years in June. Danny and Danielle, our youngest ones have been married 2 1/2 years. This was Danny's birthday celebration - 23 years old. He's our youngest.

So, that's me and my family. One more. My mom lives next door and she's my walking partner. She's usually over for all these celebrations too. Here we're on a walk and wanting a picture of the spring blossoms in February.

O give thanks to the LORD, for He is good. His faithful love endures forever!
In the times of blessing and joy, Lord, I am so humbly grateful.

Through the Woods and Down the Road...

I read something recently about chickens and dogs that triggered a memory of my next door neighbor. Several years ago, we lived in a remote community on five acres of land that adjoined my neighbors 5 acre parcel. It wasn't uncommon to see a lot of wildlife even on our front porch. I cannot tell you the number of times only a thin sheet of glass was separating me from the bear on the other side. We had a really good relationship with our neighbor, though we could not see her house for all the trees that blocked our view. It was comforting however to know she was there and she likewise felt the same way. Many times we would call each other and say, "A bear just left our place and it's coming your way. You might want to drive your kids to the bus stop." They often would come through the woods, go down our steep driveway and take a shortcut to the main highway to catch the school bus.

Our relationship with our neighbor was on solid ground until our dog delightedly killed her first chicken. "Little chick" had no clue she was to stay on her own property, and decided to explore the beauty of the forest. Belle, our dog, was resting sleepily on the front porch when she noticed "little chick" wandering around aimlessly in our yard. You might know the story... Belle had never seen a little chicken before. So in her excitement to have a play mate... she "accidentally" killed "little chick." Uhm, well... anyway, that's the story we told our friend. And we talked to her about the possibility of putting her chickens in a fenced in area. "No, she said, I've never had to fence my chickens in, it seems cruel. Besides, they are my children's pets; they know them by name." So, she accepted our apology and we told her we would keep an eye on Belle. Belle was a rescued mill puppy that was part husky and possibly part wolf. She was a beautiful dog...

My story actually begins on a Sunday morning around 6 o'clock. There was a desperate pounding on the front door that became louder and louder. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes grabbed my robe and followed my husband into the living room. Standing and peering through our glass door was our dear friend Lee-Ann. I'm sure she doesn't mind me telling you her name. It was cold outside and there she stood in her pajamas and coat. I could tell something was desperately wrong and the minute she saw us, she began crying. I opened the door, put my arms around her and asked her what was wrong. "They are dead," she said. "Six of our ten chickens are dead. I don't know how I am going to tell the children. Belle came over sometime during the night and killed them. I found them when I went out to feed them this morning."

For a few moments, I did not know what to say. I just stood there. "Oh, Lee-Ann, we are so sorry," I said. "We will pay for the chickens." "They were pets," she said.

My husband stuck several pieces of wood in the wood stove and put the coffee on. I sat down with her on the sofa and looked at her grief stricken face. It was hard to realize that our dog had caused this heart ache. As my husband handed her a cup of coffee... she looked up and said, "It's not just the chickens. My marriage is in trouble." We sat and listened as she wept and poured her heart out to us. She knew of our faith in Christ and had said on several occasions that she would like to know Him the way we knew Him, but that was as far as it had gotten.

We spent the next several hours talking about Jesus; what He had done for us; for our marriage. We talked of how He was continually working in our lives and that even though our family might look perfect to her on the outside, (believe me, some people have thought that!)we still had issues that we had to deal with everyday. We talked of our struggles and battles and the grace of God. We talked of God's love and His mercy. Most importantly, we talked of His forgiveness. As we talked to her, the angels of Heaven were fluttering around the room, just waiting to hear those precious words..."Yes, I want Christ in my life!"

Lee-Ann left with a check in her hand to replace 6 chickens. She also left with peace in her heart and a relationship with Jesus Christ. I have seen Him carry her through some of the darkest hours of her life.

We do not know why some are asked to carry a heavier cross than others... or so it seems. Yet, we all have deep heartache that others do not see. We all have struggles and insecurities. I will be the first to admit that for myself. But my Heavenly Father knows all of this... and He is there to cheer me on. It's almost as though I can hear Him saying to me.... "Keep your focus, I know the road looks scary and it's pretty foggy out there... but keep going, you will come to a safe place."

I penned the words to a song recently. The second verse goes something like this...

The road I walk is narrow,

There's signs on either side.

Billboards beckon to me...

Let me be your guide.

But I'm gonna keep on walking...

Because it's worth it in the end.

Jesus is my guide, my Savior and my friend.

The world is full of advertisements that try to convince us to try something different... but if we keep walking, we can see a light shining at the end of that dark, scary, foggy road. Matter of fact... as we come into the light, we realize that Jesus was the One... guiding us through the darkness.

So long, my friend

I had an idea about what I was going to write about, but in the last ten minutes, have changed my mind. You see, I feel like I've lost someone. And I guess, to an extent, I have. From grade 8-... well, we'll say 10 (isn't it funny how we judge time by what grade we were in?) I had a best friend. She was the first friend that I really had in high school and for a while we were inseparable.

Over the years, between grade 11 and 12 we sort of grew apart. We became friends with a bunch of people, more were more added to our group and as a result, we ended up clicking with different people. I had my close friends, she had hers. It wasn't that we weren't friends anymore, but she wasn't the one I would call when I wanted to hang out and I wasn't hers. In gr. 12 our friendship was sort of rekindled and we would skip classes together (calm down, mom, it was only photography and our teacher was a tool).

Graduation happened and ever since then, we're not as close anymore. We don't even talk. She's still my 'friend' on facebook, but that's all. She's getting married in May and I just got the 'heads up' from my sister (who, ironically enough, is better friends with her than I am) and I'm probably not invited to the wedding. It hurts a bit. I know it's all my fault, I was the one that stopped coming around, I was the one that drifted away. We were in the same group of friends in two different settings, school and church, and I stopped hanging around with both groups. It's my fault, and yet, I'm still sad, and it still hurts.

And it makes me mad, at myself, at the situation, at what I let happen. If I'm being truly honest I stopped hanging out with her, with the whole group even, because I didn't feel good enough. I didn't feel like I was fun enough, or funny enough, or had anything interesting to say. And so I drifted away. She was always so outgoing and fun to be around that I didn't feel like I measured up, like I wasn't good enough to be her friend.

I wish there was something I could do to fix it all, to go back and change the past. I'm not the same person I was 4 years ago. I'm not the same person I was a year ago! I'm doing my best to fix relationships that I unintentionally severed and to try and be friends with this group of people again, but her, my friend, I don't know what to do. See, she's not around as much any more either.

And now? Now I don't know what to do.

Memorandum

Memorandum

To: Female Household Residents

From: Executive Housekeeping

Re: Kitchen Etiquette

Please review the following guidelines from the policy and procedures manual in my head. These require strict adherence in order that the management doesn't have a conniption. (Yes, that is a real word.)

Sec. 2.18 Under no circumstances eat the last bit of homemade granola. Consumption by all residents is acceptable up to the last bowlfull. You used to turn your nose up at it, until that unfortunate day you actually tasted it and decided that I wasn't crazy and that it really is delicious. Do you know how disappointing it is to look forward to a bowl with my Starbucks Italian Roast and find the empty ziplock on the counter? Disappointed isn't adequate to express the emotions of the moment. If I wasn't going on 50 years old, I'd have thrown a tantrum. (Believe me, it was going on in my head. "How absolutely RUDE. Who takes the last bowl of MY granola? WHAT were they thinking? Do they make it, perfecting the recipe to just the right combination of big flake oatmeal, hand chopped nuts, honey, brown sugar and bran? They know how much I love it. How thoughtless. Now what am I going to eat?" Etc.)

Sec. 2.23 Check the dishwasher before even thinking about leaving a dish in the sink. Do not assume that the dishwasher is full of clean dishes, and therefore, it is acceptable to leave your 3-hour-old plate from lunch in the sink "to soak". Take your right hand, reach down to unlatch the door, take peak or take a whiff. This should tell you what's in there. Follow these procedures:

1. If the contents of the dishwasher are dirty, put your flippin' plate in! If your plate must be wedged between the silverware basket and the bowl section, add detergent and turn it on.

2. If the contents of the dishwasher are clean, unload the dishwasher. Duh. Then place your dirty plate in the empty dishwasher.

3. The only circumstance in which placing a dirty dish (rinsed, of course) in the sink is acceptable, is if the dishwasher is currently running, which can be determined by the sound of water swishing around in it and the variety of flashing red lights displayed on the door. Do not plead ignorance.

Sec. 2.24 Used disposable Ziploc containers containing remnants of lunches past must be cleaned out by the user. No exceptions. Really? You want me to open that lid? And DO NOT throw it away. I know how your mind works.

Sec. 2.25 Personal travel mugs and water bottles - ditto. If it can't be put in the dishwasher, hand wash it yourself. If it can, see Section 2.23.

Sec. 3.6 If, when you open the cabinet door located under the sink, various items of waste spill out onto your feet, this means that the can is FULL. Do not attempt to jam any more in. Empty it! Yes, I mean YOU, and yes, I mean NOW, not the next time you go downstairs to watch your weekly TV program.

Sec. 3.8 Open the patio door, located 6" from the counter on which you place recyclable materials (water bottles, pop cans, milk jugs, newspapers, etc.) and throw the stuff in the recycling bags located just on the outside of the door. Do not assume that it is sufficient that I am thrilled that you are at least not leaving them lay all over the house. To open the door, push the latch down, grab the handle and slide the door to the right, which is the direction away from the sink. Excellent.

Your cooperation is extremely appreciated. Adherence to these guidelines will not only make for better living for all of us, but will send a message that I'm more to you than housekeeping management.

I actually already know that, my girls. You're amazing young women. Thank you for allowing me to poke a little fun at the typical family stuff that goes on around here and my own silly reaction to it. Far more remarkable is all the other loving and considerate actions you take to love on me. I love you more than words can say. Thanks for living in my house. And thank you for sharing your lives with me. I love all the joy and laughter, talks and rants, hugs and kisses. I wouldn't trade these times for anything.

At the next meeting, we will be discussing bathrooms.

So Long, Insecurity

Well...Goodmorning Girls. It feels like Spring is in the air, the sun is shining, the sky is blue, and my son told me this morning that it was supposed to get up to 18 degrees today. Wow.

With all this freshness, and more likely the moving of the Holy Spirit...I feel like I'm walking closer to living a little on the edge. I'm stepping out of my comfort zone and I am hoping that you will step out with me and join me in the journey.

My Mom, who is a precious woman I must say, bought my sister and I, along with herself, a new book for Valentines Day. I read the Intro and Chapter One and now I'm hooked. I called my sister-in-law in North Carolina and told her to go get it and needless to say we've all got it now and I'm seriously excited!

So here's the deal. I don't really think of myself as someone insecure. I know I have my insecurities like everyone else but they don't really hinder me do they? I mean...I'm not shy, I'll go introduce myself to anybody. I pretty much know what I'm good at and what I'm not good at and I feel okay about that. I lead a Bible study for women...you'd have to have security for that right? Oh....thank the sweet Lord of my heart that He doesn't display the inner workings of my heart and mind for the whole world to see. No, the truth is, I've got plenty of insecurity lurking around waiting to hold me back from anything the Lord wants me to do. For instance, it first knowingly creeped up when my Mom bought me the book. I loved it right off when she gave it to me because I already love the author. But when I got home, I hesitated setting it on the coffee table for everyone to see. In particular, I didn't want my dear husband to see it. You see, I'm turning 40 next week and I didn't want him to think I'd flown off the edge of mid-life crisis.

I can laugh at a lot of my little insecurities because they're funny and I know that we've all got 'em. But the Lord has nudged my heart and let me know that I've got some deeper roots of insecurity that often keep me from stepping out in confidence and being the woman He has made me and called me to be. And girls...I just want to be free. That's it...Sweet Freedom...that is the name the Lord gave me and what the Lord has been working in my life...setting me free from lies and from hurts and I want to be free of insecurity too.

So I am inviting you to join me in the journey. I'm going to be pretty transparent. If you would like to do this study with me, I encourage you to go and buy the book and read it with me. We can do it together. It is 'So Long, Insecurity' by Beth Moore.

Beth Moore has a blog and she has invited everyone to go through it with her. We are about 2 weeks behind and will be 3 weeks behind next week so this is what I am thinking. If you would like to get the book and participate...go ahead and read the Introduction and Chapter one. I will use her questions as our guide. She has requested for people to sign up on her blog, even if you are doing it in a group like this one. The last time I checked over 6000 women have signed up.

If you know me personally, you know I'm all about Sisters...so it would thrill my heart to be able to walk this journey and have you by my side. Even if you're not ready to comment along the way, please comment in the Beth Moore style on this blog and let me know if you're in.

Click on the word Comments at the bottom of the post and give your name, your age by decade, and your location.

Here is a link to Beth Moore's website. The So Long, Insecurity journey began on Feb 11th so you'll have to scroll back to catch the beginning and see what it's all about. Just click on Beth Moore's Blog below and it will take you right to it.

Beth Moore's Blog

Sorry for writing a book this morning...I'm so excited about this I just couldn't help myself.

Same Question

I shared last week that I have been working through a question and I was hoping to have us talk about it at the table this week. We had two people join us at the table to discuss this. I'm going to be a bit of a brat and bring up the same topic again. So, as you join us around the Soul Kitchen table today, we're kind-of having the same meal again. I wouldn't exactly call it left-overs...it's more like I cooked up a big batch last week, stuck some of it in the freezer, and I've taken it out and am serving it again today, with some added ingredients. Over the week we had two comments, which I've included. Remember the question?
What would your purpose be if all you could do was blink?

I guess that question is designed to get us to figure out who we are apart from what we do. Who were you when you were first conceived? What was your purpose right then, before you had done anything? Who were you when you were just a helpless baby? What was God's reason - his purpose - for you?

I'm still thinking about it, but I'm getting closer to an answer. I actually wrote what I would have to go with so far... but then I deleted it. I think it would be fun to explore this together instead. Why don't you take some time today and this weekend to think about this and comment back with your thoughts? You can be anonymous or you can have a name. Let's have a conversation at the Soul Kitchen table!

I will eventually comment, too, and let you know what I have thought of so far. I've copied it to a file and labeled it My Purpose. Even if it changes as I think more about it, I'll tell you and also share my revision. Then you'll see my process too. So, who's going to comment first? The first one to the table gets a $10 Starbucks card!

What is your purpose...apart from what you can do for others, or even God?


Anonymous said...
to be loved by him..and to love you!

FEBRUARY 16, 2010 12:47 AM


Anonymous said...
Okay, I admit it. I've been pondering your question all weekend. My "sense" of purpose seems to always revolve around what I can do for God and how much I love him and what I am "accomplishing" for Him. But that can't be right. Every baby is born with a purpose, not for what it can do but for what it is. And when my babies were born, their only purpose for me was so that I could love them. So, I will have to agree with the person who wrote before me. If I could do nothing but blink, my purpose would be nothing more than to be loved. Well, currently, I'm not in a coma, and I can do a lot more than even blink so I will remain in that love. My purpose is to soak it up and let whatever is left wash over the people around me.

FEBRUARY 16, 2010 2:28 PM

Thanks for the comments, friends. Our anonymous comment writers have let me know who they are, and I think it'll be a Starbucks date with each of them!

Here is my response to them and also to you all, as I promised. It's posted in "comments" below. You can read it and then respond with your own comments. Oh... don't you just love this interactive thing? We at Soul Kitchen are being quite intentional to encourage more interaction to happen. Thus, round two of this same question, and another opportunity for you to join us in our interactions. I'd like to write on something else next week, so give me some more feedback and I'll be content... and won't go for round three! :)

Cyberspace Friends

Usually at least once a day I get on the computer to check out how my Face Book friends are doing. A lot of them will post something everyday. They will tell you where they are going, what they are eating, what their friends are eating, saying or doing . They will tell you how early they got up, what they had for breakfast, what "baby" is watching on television and when he took his first steps. They will also tell you if they are waiting in line at Walmart and how many people are in front of them. Just about everyday someone posts an application on my page to get a hug, send a hug, accept a smile, accept an angel, poke someone, send a flower, protest something or join a group.

I have a friend who posts something several times a day and I know more about what is going on in his family than I do my own. Face Book is interesting though, you can visit someone, hang around in their living room, check out all of their friends, and they don't even know you are there unless, of course, you make a comment.

For some, this is their daily interaction with people. It is a safe place for them. They don't have to say too much, or they say just enough to pique the interest of some of their friends. Others get their emotional needs met there and some feel that it connects them to the outside world from which they live.

I think there is a key factor here. We all want to feel connected somewhere... to someone who cares. We want to belong. We want to feel safe in friendships. People will shoot their thoughts, desires and feelings into outer space because it is easier than looking someone in the eyes and talking about all of those things.

What about you? Where do you go for answers? Do you feel like anyone even cares? I know someone who does and He still makes house calls... And you know what? He knows... without you even telling Him. He knows everything about you and loves you. He knows your weaknesses. He knows the depth of your heart and He loves you! He loves you! You do not have to hide in His living room or visit Him anonymously. I love it that He knows our thoughts before we even speak them. As I write this post, He and I together, are watching the words as they flow onto the screen. How close is that!

As you think about your relationships today... think about the One who knows you better than anyone else. No matter what you are going through... He is there. He loves you and cares about everything that is happening in your life.

Proverbs 18:24 talks about a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Jesus is that friend. He is with us in our darkest hours and He is with us in our days of celebration. How blessed we are! No one can compare to the friendship we have in Him. May you enjoy an awesome day just walking and talking with Him!