Over the years, between grade 11 and 12 we sort of grew apart. We became friends with a bunch of people, more were more added to our group and as a result, we ended up clicking with different people. I had my close friends, she had hers. It wasn't that we weren't friends anymore, but she wasn't the one I would call when I wanted to hang out and I wasn't hers. In gr. 12 our friendship was sort of rekindled and we would skip classes together (calm down, mom, it was only photography and our teacher was a tool).
Graduation happened and ever since then, we're not as close anymore. We don't even talk. She's still my 'friend' on facebook, but that's all. She's getting married in May and I just got the 'heads up' from my sister (who, ironically enough, is better friends with her than I am) and I'm probably not invited to the wedding. It hurts a bit. I know it's all my fault, I was the one that stopped coming around, I was the one that drifted away. We were in the same group of friends in two different settings, school and church, and I stopped hanging around with both groups. It's my fault, and yet, I'm still sad, and it still hurts.
And it makes me mad, at myself, at the situation, at what I let happen. If I'm being truly honest I stopped hanging out with her, with the whole group even, because I didn't feel good enough. I didn't feel like I was fun enough, or funny enough, or had anything interesting to say. And so I drifted away. She was always so outgoing and fun to be around that I didn't feel like I measured up, like I wasn't good enough to be her friend.
I wish there was something I could do to fix it all, to go back and change the past. I'm not the same person I was 4 years ago. I'm not the same person I was a year ago! I'm doing my best to fix relationships that I unintentionally severed and to try and be friends with this group of people again, but her, my friend, I don't know what to do. See, she's not around as much any more either.
And now? Now I don't know what to do.
Well, Angel...I already tried this once and I lost it so I will try again. You laid your heart out on the table today and I'm sure it wasn't easy. I'm proud of you. It shows that you are secure in the truth that you are loved...and you are.
ReplyDeleteFriendships can be hard sometimes and I don't have any answers for you. I've had my own share of losses and struggled with guilt on the part I played in the disintegration. Sometimes these things just aren't black and white. I do believe though, that for the most part, when we pray for restoration...eventually, we get that opportunity, to at least do our part and leave the rest to the Lord.
Father God, Thank you for my sweet sister. Thank you that you know. You know her heart and her desire for restoration. You know who she is and where she's come from and where she's going. You know the circumstances on both sides of the relationship. Would your Holy Spirit speak truth to her in this matter. Would you give her wisdom, discernment and the ability to place it in your sovereign hands as you reveal your love to her in the process. Would you hold her tender heart next to yours. In Jesus' precious name, amen.
Know that you are loved and that you are precious,
Julie
Hmmm. That doesn't feel good. For me, drifting away from friends and seemingly losing them, honestly has felt like the biggest "failures" in my life. I don't have an answer for you. We go through different things in life that affect us and affect others. I guess I hope for grace from the other in these situations, choose to believe the best about those who have only been in my life for a season, and hope that they will carry fond memories of good times shared like I do. When I know that I didn't intentionally do anything to hurt anyone, I also take comfort in knowing that it takes two to have a relationship. It doesn't rest all on me. It's still a hard reality though. I'm sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteLove you and welcome to the Soul Kitchen team, Lauren.