After the initial shock (although that's to strong a word... I'm just not sure what the right one is) I started thinking quite logically. Am I sad because I'm single? No. Do I want to be in a relationship? Sure, what single girl doesn't? But it's not like it overwhelms my life and it's not like I'm unhappy. About 10 minutes after I found out this tid bit of information I was on here, writing this. After I read his Facebook status that said 'In a Relationship' and after the initial heart drop, here's what I thought, "Ok, Lord, I'm yours.' I don't need a boy, I don't need a relationship and I don't need to 'beat' my ex in the inevitable race for another relationship (although it would have been slightly gratifying... probably not my best intention...).
I'm trusting God with my life. I don't know a single guy who is everything that I'm looking for, so why would I wish for a relationship that isn't going to be exactly what I want or need. I've got God, I've got what I need and who I need to make me completely, perfectly and incandescently happy.
It's interesting... my relationship with God has been a bit lax lately and I was just thinking Tuesday morning that I wanted something to kind of shake me out my funk. Well, I can say this did the trick. I don't want to go through life looking at other people and comparing my life to theirs and feeling sorry for myself. I want to live life to the full, I want to experience all the joy and sorrow that comes with it, but I can't do it without God. The only way I can experience everything is if I seek Jesus Christ with my whole heart and if I fall even more in love with Him. So, here goes! My Jesus, I WANT YOU!! More than I want anything else, more than I want anybody else. I want you to be my life, my all.
I am Yours.
Just today I had a conversation with a dear friend who encouraged me after I felt lost after comparing myself to my sisters. Yesterday I got together with some of my family and spent the day at the beach. I wore my 2 piece bathing suit next to my sisters. I have 2 sisters who are sticks and of course I felt like a beached whale next to them. Both my mom and my oldest sister pulled me aside and told me how good I look in a bathing suit. My mom told me I looked better than my sisters as they are too skinny. I am not a large person but size 10/12 and my sisters I compared myself to are size 4 and 2. It was hard to accept that compliment that they said I looked good. Last night I struggled to accept how God sees me and that my husband loves me for who I am. My friend loving reminded me of God's definition of beauty and that I am comparing myself to the world's version of beauty.
ReplyDeleteWhy I'm writing this is because I need Jesus and cannot be around my sisters without putting my trust in him because Satan wants to tear me down and make me feel like I need something they have when what I have is enough. I was feeling sorry for myself too and shared that feeling with you. Thanks for reminding me once again before I see them tomorrow that I need Jesus! I want him more than anything else. I want HIM to be my all in all. Thank you Blessed Child for your heart.