Who Am I?

It’s the fourth day that I’ve been sick with the flue. Everything aches – my joints, my head, and my throat. I can’t keep my eyes open for long and my voice only has sound occasionally. I basically haven’t been able to do anything. Even when I want to give a simple smile, it ends in a pathetic grimace of pain.

This makes me think of my dad. About a year and a half before he died, we had to move my dad into a full-care facility. He couldn’t do anything for himself. He couldn’t feed himself, couldn’t walk, and couldn’t talk. Occasionally we could tell that he comprehended what was going on by a flicker of emotion that briefly crossed his face… tears, a lopsided smile, raised eyebrows, or a sympathetic down-turned mouth when his great-grandson cried.

On the day we moved him into the care facility, he had tears in his eyes and so did we. I told him that just because he couldn’t do anything it didn’t change the person he was. I told him that I admired him and respected him… that I didn’t know why this was his lot in life…that God still had a purpose for him and that I would pray that God would be glorified through his being in the care home. His being.

We are called human beings, not human doings. We are not what we do. This is what we sometimes get caught up in. We make it about us and what we do or cannot do. We make it about production and performance. And it’s none of these things… as they are all subject to change.

It was the fall when my dad died that I went through an interesting season of being stripped of all roles that I previously had. I didn’t have a job, our two youngest kids were married that summer so I no longer had a family to feed or care for, I felt led to take the fall off as a Bible study leader so I also didn’t have a ministry role. It was a very dramatic change. Who was I now that I didn’t have anything significant that I did? How does one answer the question when people ask, “So, what do you do”? I had only one honest answer, “Nothing, actually.”

Who I am is not defined by my hobbies, my marital status, kids, job, nor education. It’s not about what I have…or what I can do. As I saw in my dad’s case of not being able to do anything, and then seeing my mom with a new title...“widow.” And also in my own case - so many changes, so fast. What then defines who I am?

I can only be defined by what will never change. That brings it right down to the simple yet profound fact that who I am is a precious daughter of the Most High God, Creator of heaven and earth and everything in it. It has to be about God – for He never changes and His love is everlasting. He has chosen, called, and made me His very own. I am His… I am His. Oh how sweet that is.